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avaanstar · Aug 25, 2009, 07:27 PM

I will never get a boyfriend in the near future because I am seventeen and have never even had a guy friend... I don't even have a relationship with my brother and father. I have avoided men almost all my life and this habit never seems to die. I have always avoided men because I was insecure with my looks and thought they would never like me because of that factor. Now I am more confident in myself, but it is still hard for me to talk to them. I mean, I can talk to them but I end up seeming stuck up and intimidating. What usually happens is I talk with them one day and avoid them after that.

What should I do? I am not asking for compliments or pity... I need help.

sweet1028 · Aug 25, 2009, 08:30 PM

You need to just let your guard down a little bit. Don't be so intimidating to them or it will just push them away.
Show them the real you and your Mr. Right will find you. Don't give up now you are only seventeen. Good Luck!

Clough · Aug 25, 2009, 09:44 PM

Hi, avaanstar!

What leads you to believe that you end up seeming stuck up and intimidating, please? Also, has anyone told you that that is the way that you're perceived as being?

Thanks!

hheath541 · Aug 25, 2009, 09:53 PM

Having a relationship, or not, with your father and brother has nothing to do with having a boyfriend. I don't have a father and my relationship with my brother is unstable, to put it mildly, and I have still dated.

Your age has little to do with it, either. I was almost 17 before I dated. I went to college with a girl who was 24-ish and had never been on a date. A couple years later she was engaged.

Don't worry too much about it, or sell yourself short. You're still young. You have years to worry about dating. Besides, teenage guys are generally NOT worth your time.

MissRissa · Aug 27, 2009, 08:55 PM

You'll never get a boyfriend, huh? Now, do you honestly think that's a rational assumption to make? No, it's not. Relax, you're so young! Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because you haven't found a boyfriend yet doesn't mean you'll never ever find one. Give it some time.

If you want to talk to guys the secret is be YOURSELF.

hheath541 · Aug 27, 2009, 09:02 PM

Being a part of groups will help, too. I met my first boyfriend while building sets for plays in high school. I was dirty and wearing grudgy clothes and covered in dust and paint. For some reason he still liked me.

HelpinHere · Aug 28, 2009, 02:01 AM

(I read it twice, may have missed something, but this is what I got out of it.)

You think because you are insecure (or were, if you say) that that affects your relationships with men?
Unless you just met your father and brother, that doesn't explain it. You (should) have known them since you were, well, younger, before you developed self-image, and that doesn't fit what you said.

I think that either, you're holding back some information, or you don't actually know. If it's the former, you don't have to tell us, but it's up to you to work on it, and make yourself more approachable and more confident.
If you honestly don't know, then you need to see a psychologist and have him determine it. You can make progress after you know about it, but until then, it will be like running in the dark, you will hit many walls, trip and fall, before you get where you are going.
(You know I love these analogies! :D)

I may be wrong, but, it's what I see from your OP.

Either way, good luck! :)

britEl · Aug 28, 2009, 02:27 AM

You have to chill out! Be yourself and have MORE confidence in yourself! Make an effort not to avoid the guys that you talk to! Maybe get some of your girl friends to introduce you to some of their guy friends and have a group get together or a party and just let loose and talk to them! It is a little hard at first but once you get to know them even from talking to them just one night you will find it easier and more comfortable to talk to that same guy! You are still young and have PLENTY of time to master this 'skill' :P. Also be nice to the guys, try not to sound snobby guys do not know you are scared they will just think you are snobby. Find common interests with the guys that you talk to and stick to those subjects when first getting to know them!
Don't worry you'll do fine!
Good Luck :D

redhed35 · Aug 28, 2009, 02:33 AM

Lots of good advice from the other posts.

Instead of trying to get a boyfriend or worrying if they will like you or not,just be yourself.
Build up your confidence by just being friends,don't put any expectations on the conversation,just go with the flow.

N0help4u · Aug 29, 2009, 06:35 AM

You are limiting yourself to here and now in high school. Get out of the tunnel vision and realize there is a whole big world out there and you will have plenty of opportunities to met guys you never knew existed.

ohsohappy · Aug 29, 2009, 08:56 PM

Just relax and think of them as people, not as just men. It's probably hard for some of them to approach you if they think they're interested because you're so stand-off-ish. GO with the flow, maybe not at where you go to school now, because people already "know" you there, but another school close by or even starting college you'll probably find a great guy! :)

mona93 · Sep 6, 2009, 02:17 PM

I'm exactly in the same situasion... I don't have boy frieds or boyfriend... because I hate my looks and don't think they would ever look at me and I even act like a boy... but I maked friends that helped me find a guy... and I found one and after the day we kissed he didn't talked to me... and he told my friends that I don't talk too much
So I'm trying to be myself not with just girls but with boys 2... it's funny that when I was little I used to spend my time more with boys than with girls but with time things changed I qwess... good luck... you'll find a guy soon don't lose hope because I'm trying 2... by the way I'm 16