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valinors_sorrow · Oct 25, 2006, 03:34 PM

There has been a number of times I have found myself wondering lately if we are doing the right thing here in responding to certain posts the way we do. This includes three general areas I see growing as the site grows and I would like some input from others. The areas I encounter, but its by no means limited to this, are:

1. Repeatedly trying to help someone who demonstrates they aren't interested in actual help but only the attention/support they can garner. It's a waste of our efforts, certainly and sometimes feeds an attention addiction, frankly. Multiple threads - same topic, "yeah butting" or endless installments with a new twist are dead give aways.

2. Answering questions from children that seem a bit too adult for the topic, especially ones on dating, relationships and sex. I don't have kids so I feel particularly squeamish on this one.

3. Answering at all ones that appear to be for a sheer Jerry Springer effect or to have scored something to brag about to their friends or cleverly disguised attempts to answer someone's homework for them. Not really that harmful but not helping for sure.

To a certain extent, its answerer beware, I realise and we are all free to participate where we wish. But I'd like to know where are y'all at with these please?

Sentra · Oct 25, 2006, 03:40 PM

I am alongside that.

labman · Oct 25, 2006, 03:55 PM

Good point. I think you are talking more about areas I do little in. It is a shame I seldom even read questions in math and science because so many of them are just people wanting somebody to do their homework. With my degree in chemistry and industrial experience in resins and plastics, I am sure I could help people with legitimate questions.

I am refusing to answer many questions on breeding dogs both here and elsewhere. I am sick of people that are creating misery because they didn't do their homework before starting to breed dogs. I refuse to facilitate that.

Thomas1970 · Oct 25, 2006, 04:49 PM

Hi Val,
I do agree that certain trends have definitely begun to appear. Well, anyhow, my two cents worth:

1. Anything worth saying is worth repeating once. After that, it's as Thomas Paine said, "Talking with a man who has abandoned reason, is like administering medicine to the dead." Sometimes it's just too late; people become deeply entrenched in their own perspectives, and are often seeking nothing more than a form of confirmation.

2. I don't have children myself, and though not always my favorite situations to tackle, I have certainly done enough work with children in the past to know, that they will continue to ask such questions of whomever they feel safe, and feel will adequately listen. Far better theirs parents of course, but they are bound to ask someone regardless. They are generally under a great deal more pressure, peer and otherwise, these days, as well as perhaps possessing either a lot more "knowledge" or questions, due to the very state of media, for one, and it's abundantly easy viewing access -- cable television, the internet, etc. Regardless, children have always been naturally curious, and I always feel it's better that they be properly informed and somewhat equipped to handle situations they are bound to encounter, regardless of their age. But I do respect that many people do not share this view. I guess it's really, mostly an issue about innocence, and being able to enjoy in a most carefree manner all that such encompasses in our younger years -- assuming that is still possible in this day and age.

3. Though I do feel every question deserves at least one answer, I do generally shy away from anything that seems likely to deteriorate into the proverbial "dog and pony show." As for homework... Well, if they are desperate. But if they are only taking the easy way out, they will learn in time, really only hurting themselves in the long run -- depriving themselves of satisfaction and self-esteem, as well as knowledge.

wizzkid89 · Oct 25, 2006, 06:06 PM

Yeah I empathize with the majority of your statement. Where I give the majority of advice is relationships, teens, dating,i.e. personal things. And there are questions asked by very young children that they shouldn't even be asking about, in those scenarios I like to tip-toe that line of telling them they shouldn't care and being overtly informative. I always try to give them correct advice no matter what. But I stick to issues that aren't involved with a biology discussion. I don't asnwer questions about the physical nature of sex, but maybe feelings, or actions that go along with it. I don't care if anyone does, because honestly if they can reach this site they could have wikipedia sex a million times.

I don't answer hw questions, what I do is refer them to a web site with the information on it. And as for people who just want confirmation of their beliefs, I try to side-step as much as possible.

One of the biggest problems I have on this whole site, is repetiveness. It's coming on a year now for me. And I always help in the teen section, I just feel I am answering the same questions over and over again... "Does she like me?", "Do I like her?", "How do I flirt?", "Should I ask her/him out?", my favorite however is... "I like her, but I don't know if she likes me, we use to hang out, but we don't anymore, and we were good friends, but not right now, I think I like her, but I haven't seen in her in forever, o and we live in two different cities......:)". Seriously though it does at time get redundant, I always offer my advice however I sometimes I feel like just writing on a page and tell them to refer to a specific part.

Thomas1970 · Oct 25, 2006, 06:56 PM

Good answers all around.
I certainly agree with the redundancy of many questions asked. You might be on to something there. Set the answers up in a branching format as in some medical questionnaires. If you have, feel or agree with #2 then proceed to #3, ortherwise skip to #6, etc. Who knows? It could work! :)

wizzkid89 · Oct 25, 2006, 08:52 PM

I like your thinking thomas... progress that's what we need! Lol

Curlyben · Oct 26, 2006, 02:17 AM

Obviously everyone is free to post what ever they feel, but there are certain things that are not acceptable in polite society.
Unfortuneatly or maybe fortuneatly we cannot create rules to cover all areas of discussion, this is where common sense comes in.
The kind of posts that have been referred to aren't unique to this site.
Every Q&A site I've been involved with has the same issues with posts.

The question is how to proceed to improve the quality of this site.
Well as ever we are open to all ideas, yes really.

I have been making a start, especially with homework help and This Announcement. OK it's a little strong, but I think it makes our position clear.
Hey if you want to help people with their Homework feel free.

On repeated questions, I'm slowly but surely pointing people to the search feature and also other threads that have the same issues.

When it comes to spam posts then please report and Rick or I will deal with them as quickly as we can. The same is true of any "Iffy" teen, sex, attention seeking, etc
Please bear in mind that we are not here 24/7, yes really, so there maybe some lag from your report to our resolution.
Also Rick and I mod the site in our free time and for Zero pay.

wizzkid89 · Oct 26, 2006, 07:45 PM

I wasn't complaing curlyben, just pointing out certain things that could be worked on in order to create a better environment for everyone...

Curlyben · Oct 26, 2006, 10:39 PM

Whizz I wasn' t taking anything as a complaint and I'm always open to suggestions.

valinors_sorrow · Oct 28, 2006, 08:30 AM

Thank you all for your thoughts so far-- Sentra, Labman, Thomas and da kid! I am not complaining (as in whining) either, and even if I was LOL :eek: -- it merits an invitation to discussion. That is some of what we do here is learn from each other that way. I am asking others what they do besides skip answering.

I think the worst of it is when I get a sense that we aren't participating in something helpful, that its somehow slid off that path or was only an insincere "Stump An Expert" game to begin with instead of a genuine question. Not constructive and certainly happening here some of the time, more so in some formats but still... the only option I can see is to limit our answers to ONLY those that seem legit and hope others do likewise here. Answering only buys you more of the same here. Its something of a drag to have to weed your way through the phoney balony but its doable. :mad:

s_cianci · Oct 28, 2006, 12:20 PM

One can only respond to a post based on the information given. Quite often, a poster has more to add after (s)he posts his/her question, either because others have flat-out stated that more information is needed in order to respond appropriately or have implied the same without coming right out and saying it. And sometimes the added information changes the story and consequently the response completely. It is true that everyone who posts on here has their motives. Some genuinely want information or advice. Others want sympathy or confirmation that something they're doing (usually something wrong at that) is OK. And yes, some are just amusing themselves and playing games. One can always choose which threads to respond to and which ones not to respond to. If you suspect that a certain poster has an ulterior motive that's different from what this forum is intended for, then certainly you're wise not to respond. When choosing to respond, be honest and sincere. Don't be too judgmental or critical but be willing to draw the line when it needs to be drawn without being a wish-wash (such as happens when a poster admits to having an affair or contemplating an affair.) I always look at it as "what would I tell my son, daughter, brother, sister or best friend in this situation?" and respond accordingly.

talaniman · Oct 28, 2006, 01:05 PM

I'm still trying to figure why posters have to have more than one thread about the same thing? Not only is it confusing but redundant, and highly suspicious. Some times the oness is on us to see who it is we reply to, as we do have the tools to get facts other than what they tell us by seeing where else they have posted.

valinors_sorrow · Oct 28, 2006, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I'm still trying to figure why posters have to have more than one thread about the same thing? Not only is it confusing but redundant, and highly suspicious. Some times the oness is on us to see who it is we reply to, as we do have the tools to get facts other than what they tell us by seeing where else they have posted.

What is happening Tal is that this has becme a game to others. Like the blue threads, its not about getting help. Its about getting attention and scoring. If one thread goes dead, hey just start another. And the more these kids tell others, the more its going to happen here since its like a hole in the dyke and its not being stopped in any way that discourages it. When I saw the two posts about murders recently (which turned out to be the same person and so they were banned) I knew then we were in for it. Well, actually letting blue go on as long as it did worried me for the "advertising" for this very stuff it did. Its going to have to take us not responding to them and sadly I don't think that is feasible or more stringent actions by the moderators. Or live with it. Its all but eliminated my willingness to read through the posts of certain forums, frankly.

wizzkid89 · Oct 28, 2006, 06:16 PM

I see the redundancy aspect, but I am confused by what you mean a game?

valinors_sorrow · Oct 28, 2006, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by wizzkid89

I see the redundancy aspect, but I am confused by what you mean a game?

I mean it's a joke to the poster and their friends, that at the other end of some of the fake, cooked up questions posted are teenagers, who knows maybe even adults (that's pathetic though) laughing and enjoying seeing how many answers they get or how long they can keep a thread going or how many people they can piss off-- that probably scores the most points. LOL Now do you see? The questions are made up. It makes a mockery of what is being attempted here. And it will not be without its effect too.

wizzkid89 · Oct 28, 2006, 06:45 PM

Wow that sucks because I mostly deal with the teen area, I had no clue...

DrJ · Oct 30, 2006, 12:15 PM

Hmmmm... this is a little more about "Gray Areas in Certain Answers Posts" posed more at the answer than the question or reason for asking BUT...

One thing that I think some people really need to focus on is actually answering the posed question. Sometimes people ask a question and instead of getting anything resembling an answer to their question, they get judged and told what a low life they are or how they should change their ways.

This is a place to get answers... not to get scolded for ones way of life or a mistake a person has made.

I don't see a problem with answering a question and THEN suggesting a way of life that may...

(I started writing this on Friday and it seems I never finished this thought and hit post... but I think I said most of what I was going for)

Depressed in MO · Oct 30, 2006, 12:34 PM

I was always under the impression that when people post the same post multiple times- but under different categories- that they were just extremely anxious to get an answer right away. However, after reading some answers under this particular post, I'm not so sure about my original thought anymore.

There are a lot of redundant posts here, but what can you do? Yes, refer them to a previous post, but everyone has a different story (even though some sound similar to others) and I think in general people are just looking for someone (a live person) to talk to. Especially new people, who have no idea what this site is all about or what to really expect.

ScottGem · Oct 30, 2006, 12:39 PM

First, I agree with what Ben said that the behaviors Val spoke about in the OP are not specific to this site but common on Q&A sites in general.

Second, I think that one needs to remember that part of the attraction to a site like this is the entertainment aspect. Some people do nothing but browse the more lurid threads for thrills. Take a look at the number of views in a thread as opposed to the number of posts. Generally the views are normally 4x the number of posts.

Third, The multiple forum postings are general a lack of understanding of how the site works. Some people think, to get a lot of opinons, then need to post in multiple categories. The answer to those situations is to report the thread as a duplicate, maybe even marking with a qucik reply of duplicate so other people won't post in that thread and go to the original.

When you encounter someone who doesn't appear to want advice, just confirmation or support, you can bow out. I have bowed out of several threads where I though the direction was going the wrong way.

So the one place where I really agree is in the children issue. I also feel uncomfortable in discussing certain topics with teens. Or younger. But I don't see a solution for it.