Check out some similar questions!

kagerous · Aug 25, 2009, 10:31 AM

Hello. I came across this forum after trying relentlessly to find some sort of guidance...

I have a 13 month old daughter with a man I am madly in love with. However, we are not together. I was pregnant when he graduated college (in the state I live) and he moved back home to another state when he was finished with school. He takes care of our daughter financially but has only seen her on 3 occasions (albeit, for weeks at a time, but still, you get the idea). He recently joined the Air Force. I, on the other hand, have not been able to find stable employment since the birth of our baby.

He didn't inform the military about our daughter so now our daughter can't be a dependent and if the Air Force finds out about her, he may ger into trouble( I guess for not disclosing it).

I have been supposrtive in every single way possible. I wrote everyday when he was in boot camp. I admit that he always cheated on every single girlfriend with me. He has confided some really personal things with me. He recently told me to get checked because he thinks he may have an STD.

He admits that he knows I love him and I have ALWAYS been there for him. However, I don't feel the feeling is mutual. Okay, I KNOW it isn't mutual. Every chance he gets, he puts me down for not having a job. He tells me I'm not holding up my end of the bargain. But the thing is, neither is he. Is certainly wasn't in the plan to have him only see his daughter every once in a while.

I love him soooo much. When he is nice, he's nice. But he has a vicious mean streak where he has no issues telling me he doesn't care about my feelings.

I WANT to let him go. I NEED to let him go. But the thing is, I don't know how. This entire thing has honestly has destroyed myself esteem. Talking to him about how I feel is out of the question because I just want it to be over.

So I guess what I'm asking is

Would it be wrong NOT to speak to him at all until my comfort level is up again? I seriously hate feeling the way that I do. I also feel like I deserve to get exactly what I put into a relationship.

amicon · Aug 25, 2009, 10:54 AM

Minimum contact-only regarding your child.He s a nonsupportive so-and-so and concentrate on being a good mum as I'm sure you are.heal yourself and look forward to a better life with a real man.There are quite a few of them.

ZoeMarie · Aug 25, 2009, 10:59 AM

I think very minimal contact between the two of you will help tremendously. I wouldn't write him as much as you do or at all. Just focus on you and your daughter. She's old enough to understand the situation and I think that if you give her the address that you're sending these letters, that's all you need to do. That way she can contact him if she wants to but you don't have to be in the middle.

chuff · Aug 25, 2009, 05:43 PM

You know I have a temper too, but I don't call my ex or current girlfriend to tell them to get checked for STD's. How classless. I mean trully a low life. This while his baby sits at home.

You need to have a relationship with yourself. In it you need to define what you will and what you will not accept as behavior towards you from him or any other guy. The relationship starts long before you meet someone, because it starts with you about you.