[nomi]

HI

I met a girl 1 year back in drama shoot on the back stage. At that time I did'nt know that she was taking notice of me. Right after 1 year i.e. July 06, she called me to just to say hello. I was surprised why did she call me after 1 year. Well from here the story begins. Then slowly slowly we started to have chat on phone. In start, she calls me too much, but I didn't. But after some time I also begin to giving her response. She told me that she broke with her Boy friend, because her BF does not care for him, and always ask her to date. She suppose to cry and I supported her, and tried hard to forgot that boy. Any way she got involved in me, and me too after some time. We were sincere too each other, and also agreed to marry each other. In the end of September I came to UK from pakistan for my higher studies. She give me lots of instruction like not to get involve with ne girl, I should take care of myself, and should come back to home country as soon as possible.

When I came here, in starting it was fine, but after some times I usually asked to email me, but she didn't (because she didn't have time), I complained to her and in the end she said I am sorry, it will not happen again.
When ever I called her, she couldn't talk to me because her mom or dad is with her.

I have a feeling that she is not giving me response as she suppose to give me in pakistan. I asked her for marriage, she is agreed. I made a new email from the name of his old boy friend, and started talking to her. In starting she scolded his boyfriend(i.e.. Me) very much but in the end she said "1st Love is always 1st" and she agreed that she still love me(i.e. his old boyfriend)

No when I got online with my real id, she told me every thing.

I am little bit confuse that what to do now. Because I think I am too involved in her. She is taking me not seriously.
What should I do ?
Is she serious ? If not then what was in the starting which made her call after 1 year.
And yes her sister told me that she really mis me and love. My girl friend's age is just 17 years.

Help ?

[valinors_sorrow]

Forgive me if this is a disappointing answer but we can guess about the behavior of your girlfriend a lot here. Maybe right, maybe not?

The only way to be certain is for you to ask her yourself in either an email or phone call. It is good to have clear communication in a relationship and it sounds like yours needs more work. I encourage you to talk to her.

[nomi]

Thanks for your concern. But when ever I asked her, she said that no its not like that. And try to change the topic. If there is something problem than why she is still agreed to marry, why she pick up the phone and talk to me for 10-15 min.. but some time she acts like she has no feelings for me.

[valinors_sorrow]

You must express your concerns again to her, and in the words you just used in your last post too. If she changes the topic, change it back. If you think her behavior isn't trustworthy, tell her and state what behavior you would trust. She is either willing (or not) to be concerned and change or talk until you understand. Talking and negotiating and learning is an ongoing and sometimes difficult prospect.

[nomi]

Ok, today I'll ask her. And will tell u the response. Can you just help me to tell some questions to ask her from your point of view so that you can get a better idea..

[valinors_sorrow]

I'm sorry, I don't understand your request for my cooking up any questions. Its you that needs to ask her questions. I don't have any questions for either of you.

[J_9]

Okay, it is my belief that neither one of you are ready for a serious relationship, (if I read your post right). Did you actually create an ID and pretend that you were her ex boyfriend?

[nomi]

Yes, I did it, to guess the true picture, but I could'nt. Some times she is very loving and caring , some time she is just like don't want me.
Is this because she is too young to understand..

[valinors_sorrow]

I concluded the same thing as J_9 but was feeling a little too weary of the possible rebuttal to point out to you that you are taking extremely desperate and dishonest measures to avoid talking, and that says everything to me.

[J_9]

Yes, you both are too young.

I am sorry, but I believe what you did was VERY wrong and manipulative.

You lied to her, do you understand that? You pretended you were someone you are not.

Your first post has the answer about how she feels about you. Apparently she is still in love with her first boyfriend.

You both are way too immature right now to get married. You need to work on yourself and learn that manipulation ruins a relationship. How would you feel if she did that to you?

I think YOU are too young to understand too. A mature person would not have pretended they were someone they are not.

[nomi]

I agree that what I had done was not right on my part. But by doing,I figure it out that she was lying to me that she has forgotten the old guy, but in fact she is not. I also did this to know how serious she is with me.
I need your help to solve this matter rather than putting it aside. I need your experience to solve this matter, as it is for confirm that I am in love with her.

[nomi]

Aa

[nomi]

I agree that what I had done was not right on my part. But by doing,I figure it out that she was lying to me that she has forgotten the old guy, but in fact she is not. I also did this to know how serious she is with me.
I need your help to solve this matter rather than putting it aside. I need your experience to solve this matter, as it is for confirm that I am in love with her.
Edit/Delete Message

[Wildcat21]

Can I ask a question - is this someone who IS your girlfriend who some you want as your girlfriend?

Have you actually hungout alone? Couple?

Or are you trying to figure out how to maker her your girl?

[nomi]

She is my girl friend, secondly we hangout for many times but not alone, with friends.

I just had a conversation to her, and explain her that I am having odd feelings for her. In reply she told that it is not like that, its just that there is someone every time when I called her such as her brother or mom.she don't want any one to feel that she is having any affair.
When I ask her about marriage, she said its up to me. From her side she is always ready.

I believe that we both need some time. What is your opinion ?

[J_9]

I truly believe that you messed up. Period, end of story.

I also believe that there is someone else there besides parents or family.

It sounds to me as though it may be the ex.

Sorry, dude, you messed up big time.

Also, you both are way too young. Not to mention that long distance relationships do not work out that often.

[Wildcat21]

My opinion is I don't think she's your girlfriend. I think you want her as your girlfriend.

It deosn't even sound like you've been on a date together - let alone kiss.

Something is weird here.

You're talking marriage? Hahaha - how about a date first.

I have a feeling she doesn't count you as a boyfriend.

[nomi]

OK, according to J_9, I messed up, and according to Wild Cat, the girl is not intrested.
I agree with both of u.
But :
She was 1st to contact me, she was 1st to propose me, she was 1st to say I love u. Where does this all leads too?

In either case, what should I do no, even if its all messed up, any thing to bring this relation to a safe side ?

[J_9]

I agree with WildCat too. She is not interested and you messed up.

Time to get on with your life, and think about what you will do differently in your next relationship. Which I hope will be quite a while off.

[Wildcat21]

She messed with you. Ptobably wanted the attention.

A true grlfriend you hang out with. Date - do stuff together.

Get to know them.