[SINGLE4]

I have a good friend who called me at 6 am last Monday morning and told me that he had just taken coccaine because he was so depressed! (This came as a complete and total shock to me as I had no idea that he did drugs!) He had a probation meeting that morning and his parents, me and another friend made him call his probation officer that morning and let him know that he had taken coccaine! His probation officer told him that there was no need to come in and take the drug/alcohol test. My friends mother then got on the phone with his probation officer and he told her to call a counselor and possibly get him into a drug treatment.

My friend told us that he doesn't have a drug problem but admitted that he has a drinking problem. I told him that he obviously has a drug problem since he did indeed take drugs!

We have not heard from the counselor since the initial call! His mother is going to try to call them again today!

My question: What can I do to help my friend?

He has no driver's license therefore used that as an excuse that he couldn't go to NA or AA. I told him that I will take him once a week! What else can I do besides be there as a friend?

Also, if I see him drinking (which I haven't since that morning) do I say something to him?

Oh... the reason he was on probation was because of a 2nd offense DWI

[Sentra]

First, let your friend know that you will be there for him no matter what. Addicts (some) feel very lost at some point during their addiction, and they tend to try and fill the gap of feeling lonely by putting something like alcohol or drugs in its place.

Tell him that you and his mother care very much, and that he shouldn't be taking drugs if he A) Wants to have a chance on having a good probationary period without any bad marks and B) Wants to stop any reliance on a substance, along with his present addiction to drinking.

If he truly wants the help, then keep on being his friend; sounds like you are giving him the reassurance and emotional care he wants/needs; don't forget to make sure he wants to help himself, too. The best of luck to you, him and his mother and take care.

Keep us updated, if you can, and you are very welcome. :)

[excon]

Hello single:

There are TWO sides to this issue. One is his drug problem. The other is his legal problem. I suggest you don't think of them as the same - they are not.

Hopefully, the probation officer told your friend NOT to come in because, the PO is benevolent, and wants to help. That would be very cool, and that would be very rare. Why do you think they have drug tests? So they can help? Nope. They're not a social agency. They're a police agency. They believe they're helping when they lock somebody up. I don't know just WHO they're helping, but that's what they think.

So, if you're trying to help your friend, I don't think snitching on him helps.

I can't help much with the other half of the problem.

excon

[SINGLE4]

Hello single:

There are TWO sides to this issue. One is his drug problem. The other is his legal problem. I suggest you don't think of them as the same - they are not.

Hopefully, the probation officer told your friend NOT to come in because, the PO is benevolent, and wants to help. That would be very cool, and that would be very rare. Why do you think they have drug tests? So they can help them? Nope. They're not a social agency. They're a police agency. They believe they're helping when they lock somebody up. I don't know just WHO they're helping, but that's what they think.

So, if you're trying to help your friend, I don't think snitching on him helps.

I can't help much with the other half of the problem.

excon

I don't feel that I snitched on him! He called his probation officer at 8:30 am and that was the time he was suppose to be there for the drug/alcohol test! Also... his probation officer told him mother that he thinks Brian finally hit rock bottom! He suggested to her to call a treatment center and tell them that it was an emergency to get him into treatment! He was glad that we had called and told him instead of him going to the meeting and wasting his time with the test!

I don't think it would have been smart of any of us to try to cover up for Brian. My other friend that I called told me that Brian should call the probation office and tell them that his ride never showed up! How is that going to help him..?. it's not... all we would be doing is trying to cover up for him and he has to pay the consequences for his actions! He has to learn that he can't turn to drugs or alcohol every time he gets depressed! He needs other ways of dealing with stress... healthy ways!

[valinors_sorrow]

To an extent, I agree that the addiction problem and legal problem are different. And its important to employ the right solution to the right problem. It's possible his probation officer knows more about addictions than ones excon has encountered -- people in recovery are often reaching out to the legal system to help with perceptions and solutions. And honesty worked out well in this situation-- if staying out of jail was the only objective, which its not. This may come as a strange thing to say but sometimes a jail sentence is the best thing that can happen to an addict/alcoholic. One of my favorite books "We Are All Doing Time" might change your mind, if you are inclined to disagree. It really helped me understand when I was taking AA meetings into prisons.

Your friend is difficult to help Single, because we live in a society where an adult person gets to drink or drug themselves to death, if they so choose. He needs to go to both AA and NA or something/anything that successfully addresses his addictions. However he is the arbitor of making that happen or not. It behooves anyone who loves this man to learn about active addiction and the destruction it can cause so they can protect themselves and have a clearer picture what to do with an addicted friend. Any open AA meeting is possible, even better an Al-Anon meeting since it is there you will find people who have been in your shoes, Single.

You can get the book Alcoholics Anonymous and read the chapter "Working With Others" if you really want to get into it. Its online too at www.aa.org. One thing it stresses is to qualify your candidate. In your case, you lay out the sort of help you are willing to offer and that you see available in the world (like taking him to an AA meeting) and let him decide. What he chooses must be honored, like it or not, simply out of how powerless we all are concerning another adult. It's a disease and like cancer, if he chooses to forgo chemotherapy or radiation, then he does.

I hope this points you in some fruitful directions and I am sorry about your friend.

[talaniman]

Single4- That you care is admirable but a word to the wise, protect yourself because you really can't believe anything that drug users and alcoholics say. Any fool who uses drugs the night before a drug test that can cost his freedom Should not be trusted. Period. I also caution you not to believe this is the first time either, doesn't fit as being true. Val has some very good suggestions and I hope you follow up but under no circumstances be his enabler. Better he got caught "dirty" and got violated than getting away without paying the consequences of his actions. No , he has not reached bottom, so stay alert.