[mrgarybennett]

I am tha father of an 11 year old girl, I am waiting to have a joint-custody hearing, set on 9-24-09, mother refuses to let me visit with child until then, even though judge at the protective order we had, denied her orders and advised mother to let me continue to see my child as I've been doing before, she has totally ignored the judge and is refusing visitation, I've already filed something called a permente lite visitation form what else can I do? My phone numbers has been blocked out mothers in an attempt to stop all communication, but daughter manages to call sometmes when she get my sister to hook us up on twoway. What can I do legally to see my child now? I don't want to play tug of war, that'ts not good for my child.

[cdad]

At this time you have to go with what's court ordered and follow the directions of the court. If the judge suggested but didn't put it down as you get in specifics then your stuck waiting until the hearing. Im figuring that you have already made a plea asking for time ? Is that what this hearing is going to be about is custody and visitation ? That will be the time to address the parental alienation problem. Also try to have a solid plan when asking for days with your child and make sure they are reasonable to be met. In some states visitation/custody time is directly tied to the child support paid. Be aware of that. Also be aware of overnights. Sometimes to provide balance you may need to give up overnights during the school year and get blocks of time during the summer as a trade off. Try to be reasonable but don't lay down on anything.

This is your child also.

[mrgarybennett]

I hear what your saying about giving up time during schoolyear, but that wouldn't work in my case, mother works two full time jobs ,seven days a week. I do the homework pick, her up most days from school, Feed her dinner before returning her to her mothers house around 9:00 P.M. at night so she can be ready for school next day, mother does not get off until 1200 midnight and that's from 800 in the morning. She has two sons 16 and 14, to whom I drop her off to at her home. I myself live only 4 minutes away from child. Mother spends what little time she does have off away from home, when my daughter is at her mothers there is almost always no parental supervision, mothers social life seems to take presedence over her children ,only the 11 yearold girl is mine. She forces my daughter to sray home with her even though she begs to stay with me, I"ll bring her home and she"ll (mother) will go right out the door once I bring her home, so thus the joint custody tial came into effect. I was told by a lot of people to keep a journal of all the times I've been denied visitsitation, I did that how do I introduce that in court Do I have it put in my files

[mrgarybennett]

I would like to know what things should I do ,and what information do I need to give me the best chance to get joint custody of my daughter. I'm been involve in every aspect of her life, all her life. I have always financially supported her, carried her on my medical insurance and still do, but unfortunetly I never kept records of anything, because I never thought in a million years I would have to. I also pay half school tuition every month since she's been going to school. I'm responsible for 65% of all her cloths, Somebody out there tell me something! I don't have much time left before I go to court. I don't think I'm going to be able to afford a lawer.

[mrgarybennett]

Still waiting for a response, I see all this advice being passed around on this web-site I could use some of it. I am sincere about fighting for my right to continue to be in my daughters life, mother sole reason for all of this is revenge ,with her only weapon my child. SOMEBODY GIVE A REAL FATHER SOME HELP! THE COURT SYSTEM SEEMS LIKE A JOKE AS FAR AS A FATHERS RIGHT GOES... IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY, ONE THE MOST VIOLATED RIGHTS IS THAT OF A FATHERS...

[ScottGem]

First you need to be patient with this site. You posted a follow-up only this morning. The people who answer questions volunteer their time and may not see your follow-up for several hours.

I'm a little confused about what you have posted. You state you are awaiting a "joint custody" hearing. But if you have visitation rights, then its likely you already have joint legal custody. Are you looking for joint physical custody so you will have her approximately half the time?

You also state that you generally pick the child up from school, help her with her homework, then drop her off at the mother's home. That would seem to indicate that you do see the child or did the mother stop the practice you describe. If so, how does she stop you? Did she tell the school not to allow you to pick her up? If so, just show the school the judges order and that will counteract that.

As for your diatribe about father's rights, I don't know if its misplaced or not. Your daughter is 11 and you have not given any background as to how she came to be born or what has happened in the intervening 11 years. Without knowing the history its hard to judge.

In the OP you said; "even though judge at the protective order we had, denied her orders and advised mother to let me continue to see my child as i've been doing before". If the mother is ignoring the judge's order then you go back to the judge and ask him to find her in contempt. Have you done so? I also go back to the "as i've been doing before" comment. How is the mother preventing you from picking your daughter up from school? I just don't understand that.

[artlady]

still waiting for a response, i see all this advice being passed around on this web-site i could use some of it. i am sincere about fighting for my right to continue to be in my daughters life, mother sole reason for all of this is revenge ,with her only weapon my child. SOMEBODY GIVE A REAL FATHER SOME HELP! THE COURT SYSTEM SEEMS LIKE A JOKE AS FAR AS A FATHERS RIGHT GOES.... IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY, ONE THE MOST VIOLATED RIGHTS IS THAT OF A FATHERS...

Not everyone on this site is familiar with law.When the legal experts see this they will respond.
Please be patient,you will get answers.

[cdad]

I need to ask before this goes further. What state is this in ?

[mrgarybennett]

First of all let me apologize to anyone I offended with my impatience,I just seem to be grasping straws. The state I live in is Maryland. First let me say that my daughters mother and I have not been together romanticly in over 3 years, but we have always remained close. Up until about a year ago. I have a close relationship with all 4 of her children, only the youngest is mine. The things I've quoted in the other post are all the things I've done for all of them every since I became involve with mother. About a year ago my daughters mother started dating again, which is fine we'll all entitled to a social life, I have no problem with that. The problem started when she started not coming home, she works two full-time jobs and what little time she has off she spends it away from home. I tried talking to her about it but to no avail. I only live 5 minutes from her house I told her to just drop her off when she wants to hang out all night and next day, while either of her sons have to watch her, she'd rather do that then let me know she's not home. We had a huge augument and it resulted in her putting protective orders so I could not see my child nor her and placing a bogus domestic violence charge against me telling the police I pushed her and she fell, when the truth of the matter is I was giving my daughter a sleepover because it was her birthday with three of her little friends, when mother dropped her off to me, words exchange and she decided that my daughter couldn't stay over, my child began to cry telling her mother she wanted to stay with me and she began acting like a fool, She began punching and pulling I pushed her away and got in my car and left to pick up her friends. The next morning while I had those 4 girls I was arrested; she was standing on the corner smiling as they took me away, all 4 children refuse to ride with her. At the protective hearing the judge heard my story, and mother ammitted that my version was the truth. The judge then advised her to stop acting like a child, orders were denied and she was to let me see my child as I had been before, even though my daughters address is not the same as mine she is with me most of the time because mother is working two jobs weekdays and weekends. The next day after orders were denied, unknown to me she had filed for sole legal and physical custody. After a week had passed I filed for join't custody because she was denying visitation, that's when I found out about the case she filed. Anyway she screwed up something on her forms and the case we are hearing is mine. Even though she filed first. In the case she filed she ask for childsupport;shelter,copays,school tution,mecdical,cloths,and for me to have supervised visitation, I kid you not! And her reasons for wanting this and I'm typing this from actual form (his health is deteorating) I have sugar-diebeties and high bloodpressure. The other reason is (Ithat I put mental pressure on child making her remind me to take my medication) THAT'S IT! All my child does is call me without fail or tell me when with to take my meds, she does that on her own. Since then June 26 I have seen my daughter only 4 times for a grand total of 20 hours altogether. I have begged, pleaded,went to police to see if I just went and got her could I be arrested and he said as long as there was no court order saying who had who when I could not be arrested. I seriously thought about it but decided not to , my child has been through enough because this will surly cause confrontation with mothter, she will not talk to my family members anymore, that's how I got her the few times I did. She doesn't even bother to give reasons.WHEW! That's the whole story, you needed more that's all of it. I like to say in advance thank you for bearing with me and giving me some advice I sure could use it, just lost brother 2 months ago don't want to lose my little heart (daughter)

[ScottGem]

OK, First, I think she has little chance to win her custody case. All you need to do is show the results of the protective orders case where she admitted to lying and I doubt that a judge will grant her anything. The only thing I would say is, if she retains an attorney (if she screwed up the forms I doubt if she has one) then you should be represented by counsel too.

As to seeing your daughter. I would file a request for an emergency temporary visitation order. If you show that you have been practicing such visitation for a number of years and that the mother is now denying it, you should be able to get something from a judge that would have the police support your visitation.

Then when the hearing comes, the judge will make the order permanent as well as give you joint physical and legal custody. At least that's my opinion based on the facts as you have related them.

Make sure you document everything. The previous parenting plan, the incidents that gave rise to the current court battle, your health, everything.

I also asked some questions about the current arrangement. Where you pick the child up from school then bring her to the mother in the evening. What's to stop you from continuing that arrangement? Are you afraid, if you do, she will charge you with kidnapping? Are you listed on her birth certificate as the legal father?

[mrgarybennett]

Yes thank you, your answers have been helpful. To answer your question when I pick her up from school I pick her up from grandmothers house(mothers mother) at 4pm child gets out at 315pm. My job is only 2 minutes from grandmothers house. I have not picked her up since this all happened because she has been out for the summer, I have no idea what will happen once school starts back next 8-31-09. I honestly can't remember if I signed birth certificate or not, was there to help deliver child , but can't remember if I signed something. And yes I'm afraid mother will try to charge me with something or at the very least show up at my door ready to start something, and I don't want to get into it with her. Oh, by the way did I mention that mother and I work for the same employer, we have been since we've met. So far there haven't been any comfrontations because I try my best to avoid her, that's why I can't understand why she's doing this, if I wasn't taking care of my child as she seems to be implying, she knows where to send child-support people. She's familiar with the system because she has a previous children's fathers there, all three of them, yes 4 children and 4 different babies daddys. Hope this clears things up for you. One more thing I've spoken to a few of the schools teachers and they said they would give me a letter stating that I amm always involved in my child's education and extra school activities like her dance recitals and school plays as well as tutoring classes, will this help my case and if so how do I introduce this and other information to the court system, do I have placed in my files or just bring it to court with me?

[mrgarybennett]

Oh yeah, I'm sorry my little girl just turned 11 years old, I don't believe I mentioned her age, can I request a heartng for somebody from the judicial system to talk to her about how she feels? She is a mature young girl and can speak her own mind.

[mrgarybennett]

Can't believe I said that, I mentioned her age on the first sentence of my first post, oh well stressed out. Question still valid though.

[this8384]

Oh yeah, i'm sorry my little girl just turned 11 years old, i don't believe i mentioned her age, can i request a heartng for somebody from the judical system to talk to her about how she feels? She is a mature young girl and can speak her own mind.

Is there a guardian ad litem assigned to your case? Perhaps s/he can recommend a counselor that your daughter can see. That's what the GAL in my husband's case did; we're taking the kids in on Monday.

[ScottGem]

I agree with This8384. I would certainly ask that a GAL be appointed ASAP.

I would also make sure you have a copy of her birth certificate. I gather that, for the past 11 years, no court action was ever taken to determine paternity and since you ended the relationship with the mother that no court action was ever taken to establish custody, support and visitation?

[cdad]

That's the way I read it too Scott No current orders in place.

To OP:
As far as getting documents from the school as to you participating in the child's life. Yes by all means get them and bring them with you. Should you make the statement that you are there for your child and she tries to refute it then you have something in your hands for the judge to look at. That is how it gets introduced. Also have multiple copies of everything 1) for your records 1) for your ex and 1) for the judge. Keep the originals safe.

Also bring with you the false charges she brought against you.. any documentation showing they were false.

Also I have some reading for you. Just try not to read into it things that are not about you unless you can point it out as a fact backed up by evidence.

Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome Home Page

This is on parental alienation and worth a good read.

[mrgarybennett]

First of all let me say thank you for all the great advice Scott, Califdadof3, 8384 you all were correct when you assumed there is no existing order of custody, support, visitation. This all stemmed from incident I described to you in previous post. No 8384, I do not have a GAL. I don't have a lawer either, I'm hoping to attain one but funds are extremely low and court date is coming up soon 9-24-09. Does this mean I can't get a GAL to speak with my daughter? If I can, how do I request one?

Yesterday I received a letter from the courts saying that my daughter has to attend this class called THE Children's GROUP-HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH FAMILY TRANSITION is anybody familiar with this program, they state that the parent with whom the child is with that particular day is responsible to bring her, that would be the mother obviously, because of denial of visitation. They state that failure to bring child could play role in judges decision on ruling, they also say I have to attend a class called SHAPE with the same concequences if I don't attend, I don't understand that being as though they gave me a date that falls 2 days after trial. My daughters class is before trial, I think mother attends a class as well, but not sure. Does anybody know the heads up on this?

[mrgarybennett]

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention thanks Califdadof3, for the literature is was a good read, and very informative. I have a better understanding of my daughters mother behavior. I took your advice, and was very objective when I read it, and took away only what applied to my situation. Thank you so much again, all of you. It's because of people like you, that I don't feel so hopless, and lost.

[ScottGem]

I couldn't find anything specific on those programs, but they sound like they are designed to help parents and children cope with a family breakup. So that's a good thing.

As for the GAL, you need to ask the courts to appoint one. You need to understand, though, what a GAL is. This is a person (generally a social worker) who responsibility is to the child. That person is an advocate for the child's rights. The responsibility is to help determine what is in the child's best interests. So its not getting a GAL to just talk to your daughter is getting someone to act as an advocate for your daughter.

[mrgarybennett]

That's exactly what I thought a GAL was, that's what she needs somebody to speak for her and try to determine what's best for my daughter, my objective is not to take child away from mother, never would. Nor by any means am I suggesting that my child loves me more than mother. She just gravitates to me more because most of her tme she spends with me, mostly because of mother working two jobs. I want her to have us both, because we both love her. So I'm off to the court house to apply for a gal for our case. I wish I could give her the piece califdadof3 shared with me on alienation it would do her a world of good to see what she's doing to our child. One more question for today. I told you in earlier post that mother had blocked out all of my phone numbers from her phone, but my little girl will find away to talk to me by calling her aunt(my sister) to call me on two-way, and she will often get upset if for some reason she can't through to me. I solve that problem by buying a prepaid cell-phone and giving her the number when she did reach me. I told her do not give number to mother in fear of her blocking that number to. Is that practicing alienation? Am I doing what she's doing I don't want to harm my child in anyway, but I don't have any other choice if I want to communicate with her at all.