[gabriela299]

Hello everyone... This is a very hard thing to talk about. Ive been going out with my baby for almost a year... he has been planning his proposal and we are looking forward to spend the rest of lives together... I love him with all my heart but he a lot of traumas and insecurities. He masks life really well. Well everything started again about two weeks ago... he started talking to me about feeling depressed but never really said it. He slowly opened up a little to me but hardly told me anything. On Saturday night he was talking to his mom about our wedding but on Sunday night he decided to attempt suicide. I was in the phone with him and my guts told me something was wrong I even mentioned it to him telling him that it would kill me if someone called the next morning telling me that I had to go to his funeral. He just laugh it off and told me everything was going to be OK, he was writing his suicide letters to everyone dear to him. Then he told me that he had to go to bed even though he was wide awake I let him go. But instead I called his sister so she would check on him. 30 min later I got a call from him telling me he failed again (6th attempt), he took about 60+ pills ativan, abilify,seroquel and some other over the counter meds. Thanksfully the ambulance got there on time and survived. I let him know that I'm here for him whenever he needs me he is the man of my life and he is well aware of that. I'm just worried about our future together and his wellbeen. He is currently in the psych hospital. He is seeking help but I'm just wondering is there any way that I could help him more. He has really deep issues that need to be worked on. I would really appreciate your advice I'm really going to go insane if I can't do anything else for him. I offer him my support and unconditional love. I LOVE HIM> 831

[gabriela299]

One last thing that I would like to add is that... I'm thinking seriously in having a child with him since that would give him a reason to live I know it might sound totally stupid but I'm willing to do anything as long as he sees life different. Plus he really wants a child.

[Jake2008]

Surely you realize Gabriela, that he has some very serious mental health issues. It is not 'just depression', although by the list of medications he's on, he has had medical help, and that's a good sign.

While he is in hospital they will re-evaluate his medications, and assess his stability. Most likely he will need intensive therapy and ongoing professional support to address his needs. He is now, unstable.

What that means is, you cannot address what needs to be addressed. If he were just 'blue' and feeling down in the dumps sort of depressed, then you make a nice dinner, or surprise him with a gift, to brighten his spirits. But when you are dealing with a person with serious mental health issues, including suicide attempts, you can only wait, be there for him, and listen.

They will be aware of his history, and hopefully will address why he is not more stable, and help him to regain his footing again.

It is, in my opinion, not the right time to have a baby. This will not solve anything, and it will not help. In fact, you may be applying pressure on him that he will not be able to handle. A baby now, is not fair to the baby either. While you are coping with an unstable person, you also have an even bigger obligation to a helpless infant. Please rethink this.

I have been, and am, in your shoes, caring for a loved one with serious mental health issues. She is not only a danger to herself, but to others, because she simply cannot cope with life.

While your boyfriend is on the path to healing, ask questions, speak to the nurses and Doctors, research the medication he is on, visit regularly. Speak to his parents as well, and gain as much information as you can from them. Write him letters, bring him special little gifts, phone or text him a few times a day. You just being there for him, will give him a boost of confidence to work on getting well again.

All the best of luck to you, I sincerely wish you well on this journey. You are a saint for sticking by him.

[gabriela299]

Jake2008
I really appreciate your advice. Im just feeling so desperate that a baby sounded good. The medication he used belongs to his mom and sister. He was taken off meds about 6 months ago because his psychiatrist though that he didn't need it any longer. How are you able to cope with suicide attempts? I'm finding it really hard since I feel that I'm not doing enough or that I'm pushing to hard. Should I talk to him about it when he is on his moods or should I just keep a light conversation. Im sorry about all the questions but this is just eating me alive. Thank you again!

[Jake2008]

If his mother and sister are giving him pills, the Doctors need to know this. What he's had, how much, how often, etc.

Also, there is a family history here that they should be aware of, and they probably are.

I too have had those intuitive moments when I knew something was wrong, just like you did when you called his sister to check on him. I have raced home only to call 911 and get her to hospital. It was also cutting, risk taking behaviours and substance abuse; it was all related and intertwined with suicide attempts.

I think of these suicide attempts as only the result of something. The real fight comes in uncovering what has been hidden, why it is happening, and keeping the loved one on track. Your boyfriend stopped taking his medication under professional guidance, and his mistake was not going back to the psychiatrist when things changed. He was aware enough that he made the choice to use other people's medications, and it very nearly cost him his life.

You cannot predict anybody's actions when they are not thinking rationally. It is easy to believe them when they say that nothing is wrong, or everything is OK, because that's what we want to hear. If they have made a plan to carry out their suicide, there will be no clues. No matter how well intentioned you are, you will not know.

It was your instinct that saved him this time. But what happens the next time- if it does.

You are investing yourself in this relationship, and as such, you need to be educated and informed as much as humanly possible. If you have all the information you need, and feel confident in your own abilities, then he too will be. Address issues head on, don't let things slide, and be very cognizant of changes. Keep a diary, make notes of changes you see happening, and don't be afraid when your instinct tells you that something is not right.

But, you cannot cure him, or change him. All you can do is be there for him, but be aware, and contribute what you can, when you can. This really is all up to him.

[gabriela299]

You have no idea how much you are helping me. More since this was so recent. He actually stop the meds from underneath his mother's bed. The doctors are fully aware of it and he is thanksfully out of danger... it was so hard to see him almost gone but he is willing to get help and I just hope that everything will turn out to the best. I wouldn't know what to do without him. He is the man of my life. One of his main problems is that he doesn't want people to try to get in his head... he doesn't mind me trying but anyone else he is really reluctant and that's another reason that worries me... cause unless he tells everything I know there is no way they are going to know how to help. He wrotte a letter/poem about a month and a half ago... his soul is in there and I'm the only that has ever read it. I asked him if he would like to share it with his doctors he doesn't want to at all... should I give it to them?? Or is that something he should be doing instead?? His family loves me but I don't know how not to hurt his mom... since she feels she should be the one to know all the details instead of me... it was hard to be asked questions about the night of the attempt since I was the only one that really knew anything at all... should I worry about his moms feelings regarding this? Or should I just focus on him?? Im sorry I'm pretty sure I'm driving you insane with so many questions. And one last thing do you think that it would be a good idea for him to use this site for support, since he doesn't want to disclose his deepest thoughts to anyone?

[Jake2008]

I am of the mind that there can be no secrets, no hidden information, and only complete and total disclosure by all interested parties who have a history with your boyfriend.

For his mother to not disclose what she knows, and what her impressions and thoughts are to his Doctors, will, as you say, impede them in their assessment. This is not about her, its about him. She needs to step up, get talking to the Doctors, and give her input.

What may be easier for her, is if you go with her. I know you don't want to hurt her, and this is very difficult for a parent, but maybe if you offer to make an appointment with the Psychiatrist and both of you go, she will feel more comfortable. At this point, while he is in hospital, is a golden opportunity to speak up. If they release him, having treated him without information from you and his mother, you may face this situation again.

He does not wish to allow people into his head as you say. Well, he has to. This is not optional if he is sincere in wanting to get his life and health back on track. While you can sympathize with how he fees about that, my opinion is you should make it very clear that he has to cooperate, there is no other choice as far as you are concerned. He has to make the decision to change. It is an extremely hard road he is facing, but, until he decides to give it his all, instead of bits and pieces, he will not benefit fully from treatment.

I wouldn't give the Doctors his poem without his permission. If, on the other hand, there were a series of notebook entries written over the past six months, I would. My husband's cousin, attempted suicide and also ended up in the hospital. Her sister found notes written that would have really benefited her in treatment, but the sister refused to hand them over. It was a big hush hush secret, and they did the wrong thing in my opinion, by not providing the valuable information it contained.

When he is feeling better, sure- give him the link to this site. There are so many who have been through, and are going through what he has. Maybe if he learns he is not alone, he can freely ask questions. It is the same with you. The more you learn from other people, the more confident you will be knowing you are not alone too.

I keep thinking 'no secrets', because it is the brutal truth, and that's where the healing starts. It isn't easy to say, or admit that one has made mistakes in raising their children, or being the cause of events in their lives that affected them as adults, but the truth is what it is and can't be hidden.

Try to reassure your boyfriends mother that they are not there to judge her, or scold her or point fingers. Their interest is in her son. Even if it is a 30 minute meeting, the doctors will get a better grip on his recent history, and how it has affected where he is now.

If she refuses to go, or get involved, then you do it if you are comfortable doing so. It may not be common protocol, but screw the rules, just ask for a meeting with his Doctor, and tell him everything you have said here, all your fears and insecurities about him, and that you want to help, and you're looking for guidance. My guess is he/she will jump through firehoops to have such a loving person in your boyfriends life. Don't be afraid.

While you have this opportunity to be directly involved in his life, I really hope you do. For your own peace of mind, as well as his well-being.

Please keep posting. You'll get through this I promise you.

[gabriela299]

Thank you very much! I really appreciate all your advice. I don't feel alone anymore this website is really giving me more peace of mind than I though possible.