[jenniepepsi]

Yeah I changed my pwords. Accually the lady who runs the site and knows me, saw him posting (he was even saying it was him) and locked my account for me hehe.

Yeah I'm definitely going to have him apply. Or ask him anyway. Not sure what he will say lol. Thanks hon

[Ren6]

Jennie, is there a hospital in your area? Hospitals are great places to work. You could get a job from eight to noon in food services or housekeeping, or something else less stressful. The pay would be a lot better than Subway or Walmart, and you'd probably get health care benefits to boot. Have your hubs apply, too. It's worth a shot, at least if there's a hospital near you.

[jenniepepsi]

Mmm not close enough for not having a car. But accually you gave me a great idea with working in food services and housekeeping, in which I could definitely go check out her school. I know a lot of the positions are volunteer, but they might pay for cafeteeria workers or janitorial stuff.
Thanks hon

[MsMewiththat]

I haven't finished reading this thread and I will, but I wanted to add that you have to remember your husband is challenged. You have to remember yourself that you have triggers. I think that you should take the time needed to calm down a 1000. If you are not working and your are disabled, is their not disability income that you can get each month? SSI?

[JoeCanada76]

I have not been around much.

Would like to say that, I know you mentioned that your husband has certain issues. The thing I see a lot. I am guilty and everybody else in this world is guilty, but people tend to always focus on the negative.

The more you focus on all the negative or what to be perceived a negative will just make more negatives.

You might not have meant it a bad way, but when talking about your husband and him being mentally slow seems to me as something you want to make an issue of.

We all have our own shortfalls. We all have our strong points and weak points.

In a marriage it is about supporting each other and working through all of that and trying to balance that out with each other.

Is it worth working on. Yes, it is. Marriage is about good and the bad, rich and the poor, healthy and sick. It is about being committed at all times and working through those rough times.

Now there are exceptions to the rule of course, but those do not apply to you guys.

I would say continue the counseling and continue trying to make things work. You both need to learn how to listen to each other and support each other, and figure out better ways of approaching situations like money , etc.

As Alty said, many marriages fail because of money problems it is a shame considering no matter what the person is worth more then any money whether there is enough or not. Having each other should be more important.

Take care,

Joe

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

You have said that you haven't been hired at any of the places you've applied. Have youfilled out an app. Then while turning it in, TO A MANAGER- immediately ask if there is time to consider employment? Go in the mornings, hiring mgrs usually work in the AM. I have had many part time or fast food jobs in my adolescence and I've never been turned down once.
In the mean time, ask friends if you can clean for them, or elderly friends if you can shop for them for some extra cash. What you earn goes into a personal bank account that you can use to budget, and he has no access to. Put it under your moms name if you have to, or can.

[Alty]

That's the one thing I don't understand. There are jobs out there, if you look hard enough. There's also busing, if you don't have a car.

Jennie, if your husband can get a job with all his disabilities then surely you can as well.

I really think these are just excuses. I understand, it's hard to get back in the work force when you've been at home for so long, but it's time to suck it up and do what's best for your family.

You will have to anyway. After all, if you divorce your husband, how will you survive? He's the only bread winner in the household.

[N0help4u]

A job in a school cafeteria would be good because you would have pretty much the same days and times off as your kids.

[MsMewiththat]

I do not want to judge Jennie, but I have a very hard time understanding her position here with why she is not seeking employment. I really feel that if the disability was that bad she would qualify for SSI without a doubt. The hubs is most likely intelligent enough to be resentful. It's not fair to take advantage of him in this way.
She calls the shots and he works hard. His creature comforts are not that much to ask for hard days work. Come to think of it, it's not his complete fault that they "can't afford it". IF they both brought something in it wouldn't be an issue. Her solution to bringing something in the house is by way of either the system or her mother, that is hard to understand. Jennie no hard feelings here, but you have to get up and get out and be front and center in getting your family financially secure.

[Alty]

I'm just having a hard time stomaching this.

Jennie, a while back I questioned the amount of time you spend on AMHD and other websites. You've admitted to belonging to at least one more. All this while watching other people's children.

You also admit that you play a lot of games on line, again, while supposedly running a day home.

Now, your poor husband, who rides his bike to work every day, while you sit at home and play on the computer, is being made to feel like he's failing his family. Not the case Jennie.

He makes only $1000/month, but, how much do you make?

You scold him for buying cigarettes and take out. What do you buy?

Jennie, I'm sorry, you know that I'll say it like it is, no matter what, and I think you need to hear this. I don't think hubby is the problem, you are.

Only you can change the way things are. Get out there, make money, stop complaining about every penny he spends of the money he's bringing in. Find a way to help instead of complaining that things aren't the way you want them to be.

And I do agree with MsMe, if you're too disabled to work, why don't you qualify for SSI?

It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your butt and change the way things are.

[jenniepepsi]

*sigh*

I'm sorry everyone, I'm getting everything confused is all. I asked the same question here, and also on my support group (for women/men married to mentally challenged spouses) and I'm getting a lot of posts mixed up. So I forget what I say and what I don't say here and there.

Issac doesn't want me to work. He and I both have always felt and agreed after a lot of discussing that I should be at home with ayla.

Now, that has changed, with ayla being at school. She JUST started Monday. And I am currently looking for a job.

You guys can say I am not looking hard enough. It doesn't bother me. I know how hard I look, and how hard I try. How much have you seen me on here lately? Ayla is at school most of the day for the last week... yet... im not spending all my time playing and goofing off on the computer. I am looking for a job.


And the way everyone is making it sound, is, since I don't work, he should be allowed to spend any and all the money he wants to, simply because he makes it. Well I'm sorry, that is NOT how marriage works. Yes he makes the money. But I bust my a$$ every single payday every two weeks to make it work.

I don't buy myself any extras. Ever. Oh wait... sorry. I got an 80c pack of gum yesterday.

All our money goes to our bills. Yes, we don't have many bills. But we also don't make a lot of money, and we are paying 60% of our income for rent alone at the moment. I am looking for a cheaper place, we are on the section 8 waiting list, on the HUD list, and I have looked into so many different affordable housing units and all the ones I have looked at have waiting lists of 3 or more years. So I put us on those waiting lists too, and wait to see what happens first.


I agree nohhelp about the school being a great idea, not only that, I will get to eat lunch with ayla too. And ill be there if something happens and that makes me feel better (I still have some of the first time jitters hehe)



So anyway. UPDATE!!


Me and issac talked about it a few hours ago. Once again, he apologised. We cried together, explained our feelings. He said he was sorry for being such an a-hole yesterday, and said he agreed that he doesn't need a debit card and that he was sorry he threw a fit over it.
He also likes the idea of when the rent is caught up and we pay off the payday advance we got a few weeks ago, we are going to get him a walmart gift card with some money on it each payday (we are still working with the budget to work out how much each payday)
Then we sat down and looked at the budget together again (we did it a few months ago and he said everything was fine, but he probably forgot. And I did a search (we use quicken) for all of the purchases he did (I label all of them, and all of his purchases has his name on them and all of mine have my name on them, and anything for the family as a whole has 'family' on it) and we found out, and I was unaware of it too, that after all is said and done, he has spent a total of 56 dollars this month. And the month isn't even over yet... what made him upset (and me as well) is the fact that he has been telling ayla that as soon as we can afford it we will get that converter box for the basic TV. You know, the channels 3-20 that used to be on rabbit ears? As of now, we could have gotten that converter box 2 months ago, if we had been saving that money instead of buying sodas candy and mc donalds. He agreed with me that it was selfish of him.


So... as far as this fight, I think its good, and we are going to talk to my counselor about some sessions together (his office doesn't offer it we checked already)


Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I know I also have some things to work on myself. And I am going to give it my all. I promise.
And I know that many of you ladies (and gents) are bluntly spoken :) no worries. No one was offensive or mean. And my personality has ALWAYS needed that blunt constructive criticism to make me see things clearer. It used to drive my mom crazy ;)


Love you all. Have a good night. *hugs*

[N0help4u]

I understand, I looked for work for months filling 100's of applications one year and my daughter and her boyfriend would always be hired everywhere and I never did get a job.

Also right now the problem since you can't just jump into a job that doesn't exist for you, at this point, is you DO have to make due with what you do get to work with NOW. If he isn't going to be cooperative until you do get a paycheck then it could mean your losing what you do have.

Check with school cafeterias.

Post an ad on Craigslist to clean houses or look and see if there is something posted looking to hire
craigslist: phoenix classifieds for jobs, apartments, personals, for sale, services, community, and events

I always say I live on the air I breath, you have to make things work for you. I know its easier said than done because things are always falling apart for me too.

[jenniepepsi]

Thanks nohelp. I don't know WHY you chose that name :P you give plenty of GOOD help.

Yeah I'm going to talk to aylas school tomorrow and see if they have an opening in the cafeteria. And accually you made a good point that gave me a good idea about the cleaning houses. I live in an apartment complex :P and we are allowed to posts ads for things like that. So I will definitely do that!

[Alty]

thanks nohelp. i dont know WHY you chose that name :P you give plenty of GOOD help.

yeah im gonna talk to aylas school tomorrow and see if they have an opening in the cafeteria. and accually you made a good point that gave me a good idea about the cleaning houses. i live in an apartment complex :P and we are allowed to posts ads for things like that. so i will definately do that!

That sounds great Jennie.

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, I'm blunt to a fault. It's either a good thing, or a bad thing, depends on the day. ;)

Let us know how it goes.

[jenniepepsi]

No worries alty. You care. And that's what's important. What bothers me is people who are mean and harsh, but don't care either way you know?
Your not mean and harsh. Just blunt ;)

[Alty]

no worries alty. you care. and thats whats important. what bothers me is people who are mean and harsh, but dont care either way you know?
your not mean and harsh. just blunt ;)

Blunt to a fault. ;)

Really though, let us know how it goes.

If you want help with a resume, I'm pretty good at that, so let me know. :)

[jenniepepsi]

Ill definitely let everyone know.

[Justwantfair]

we pay off the payday advance we got a few weeks ago,

Just wanted to add, that you are the prey of Payday Advance loans, so once you have this paid off, do EVERYTHING in your power to never take out another.

The interest rate on a Payday loan is often about 400% compounded daily, which in turn means to payoff the loan you will pay double to four times as much as you borrowed.

It may seem like the best immediately solution, but with a budget as tight as yours the payments can't possibly be managed. Whenever possible find other solutions because in the end paying double to four times what you borrowed can be very painful to your budget in the future.

[jmjoseph]

Jennie I'm glad things are looking up. I hope you take the advice given here to heart. Just because there's a calm now , doesn't mean it won't happen again next month. You should commit to seeing that it doesn't. The most important thing , right now, is additional income. Did Isaac consider a second job ? Are you willing to check with neighbors on odd jobs? Hit the pavement. The most important thing is to get out there every day and talk to people, check on available jobs. You may have to compromise your time with your daughter as to better provide for her. You may have to get a dirty, nasty job for now. There is something out there, for now. There is something out there for long term. Isaac doesn't want you to work. I say it's the only option for now. Time with Ayla broke , arguing , not able to buy her a nice toy, a special diet,(better than fast food), is not in HER best interest is it? And don't take it the wrong way, but Alty was right. It's not just Isaac.

Remember when you point the finger at someone, you've three times that many pointing at yourself.

And Isaac , in my opinion, needs a SPECIAL hug, and favorite meal .Meet him at the door wearing only perfume. He may not understand that he's not a bad guy. He works hard, and he doesn't do THAT bad. Like I said, be grateful he doesn't drink or take drugs.

I hope things get better. GOD bless.

[jenniepepsi]

Just wanted to add, that you are the prey of Payday Advance loans, so once you have this paid off, do EVERYTHING in your power to never take out another.

The interest rate on a Payday loan is often about 400% compounded daily, which in turn means to payoff the loan you will pay double to four times as much as you borrowed.

It may seem like the best immediately solution, but with a budget as tight as yours the payments can't possibly be managed. Whenever possible find other solutions because in the end paying double to four times what you borrowed can be very painful to your budget in the future.

Yes your right. I'm never doing it again lol. I went to just one of those hole in the wall payday loan places and that was a bad idea. We got 200$ last month to cover rent (issac was sick for a few days and we were very short) and because of interest we are paying back 340 grrr.

Then I found out that my bank (usaa) offers direct deposit advances. So I looked into the fine print on those, and there is no interest, its got a flat rate nominal fee of 30$. So in emergencys that would be better lol. But I doubt we will be doing it again no matter HOW good the 'deal' seems LOL.