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Ludichris · Aug 17, 2009, 09:31 AM

That's the line I heard along with how she likes how she can up and go back Houston (she moved to Dallas with me when I started an I.T. consulting company) and not have to worry about effecting anyone else. She said she needed time to collect her thoughts and wanted to talk later. Here we are a few weeks later and I've been doing NC since. Brought her her stuff and she owes me money and today I am going to collect. She has texted me a few times and I respond but only with direct responses to her questions. "How are you?", "How is your family?" etc.

My questions is this... I want to tell her "Hey look, I dont hold a grudge... I know you said you wanted time to collect your thoughts but I know where the relationship has gone and would like some closure. You dont have to explain yourself but if the answer is "I just don't love you anymore" then that's fine... just dont sugarcoat it."

I feel like I am a very level headed person and I can usually tell when people have alternative motives. I feel like I really want to know what she has to say, so should I ask her for "her thoughts" that she needed to collect or just get my money and run.

LJDK · Aug 17, 2009, 09:36 AM

If you need closure then ask her if you can talk about it. But don't forget the money.

talaniman · Aug 17, 2009, 10:21 AM

Get your money and run! If you can, but don't waste time on closure as that's up to you any way.

"I love you, I just want to be single."

That's the line I heard along with how she likes how she can up and go back Houston (she moved to Dallas with me when I started an I.T. consulting company) and not have to worry about effecting anyone else. She said she needed time to collect her thoughts and wanted to talk later

That's plenty closure to me. The only issue left is the cash.

Ludichris · Aug 17, 2009, 11:12 AM

I think you're right about there being enough closure. I think I just want her to have to suffer through saying what she doesn't want to say. I've summed it up to her not wanting me anymore... it happens. I thought about calling her down down from her apartment, getting the money and driving off, but she will read that as me being a . I want to always have the upper hand here... I'll go up, get the money and stand up (never sit) for any small talk and say I got to get running for something.

KoV-Pappy · Aug 17, 2009, 12:09 PM

Closure is some bullcrap word some moron made up to make people feel better about ending relationships.

If you know its over... then its over

Get the cash and get the hell out

Obviously there isn't even a chance at the "freinds with benefits thing here"

vanheart · Aug 19, 2009, 08:15 PM

I got the same line after 5 years.
Whattya think that means?

Who cares about the money?

paxe · Aug 19, 2009, 08:28 PM

You don't need closure from her part and you don't need to hurt her even though you think she deserve it. Be the better and stronger person here and move on. You will feel much, much better with yourself. Get the cash fast and get out, don't be mean, don't be harsh, just show her it doesn't affect you and goodbye for ever.
Even though you're rational it is still hurting you and it takes time to heal.

Ludichris · Sep 1, 2009, 08:54 AM

Just a follow-up for anyone interesting or going through anything like this. When I arrived at her apartment I simply stood in the entry way and she walked to her couch. She said, "are you going to come in or just get your money and run?". I said "I can stay for a second" and I sat on the love seat. We talked for about 5 minutes. She asked if I wanted to watch an episode of Dexter and I told her I had to get running. Since then I have been 100% NC except to text her when she receives mail. (She STILL has not set up a forward)

Last Wednesday I got sick with the stomach flu and I got a text that said "You sick?" and I responded shortly to a few of her texts. Then yesterday I received a text, "How was Houston?" and again I responded shortly but nicely. There is a wedding where we both know the couple and she texted me, "Erin wanted me to see if you might be able to help me pick up the cake the morning of the wedding". I messaged her sure thing, her reply "are you taking anyone?", I said "no, are you" and she said "nope, except maybe sam :)"... Sam is a girl friend of hers. I told her "that's hawt", she said "haha, i guess". That concluded that conversation until last evening she texted me "so what are yall doing for the bachelor party?"

I am going to maintain NC on my part. I don't know where her head is at and I'm not going to ask. I am keeping myself in the mindset that she is gone forever.

PS. A lot of very insightful and brutally honest people on here... listen to most of what they say :)

paxe · Sep 1, 2009, 09:08 AM

It's part of our job to be brutally honest , you are asking questions to an objective audience :).
Anyhow we're here to listen and stop answering those texts... NC is NC. Next time she text you, answer politely, "I'm sorry it's nothing personal but we cannot stay in contact, good bye" or just don't answer at all. She is trying to string you along and it's typical of break ups. Don't let her get into her game. And keep doing whatever you are doing to get better. You can continue posting we'll always respond.

Ludichris · Sep 1, 2009, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

It's part of our job to be brutally honest , you are asking questions to an objective audience :).
Anyhow we're here to listen

I didn't mean that in a bad way... I love it.

I thought simple and short responses would be better just so she never thinks she got to me. Guess I was wrong on that one?

kctiger · Sep 1, 2009, 09:31 AM

It's more powerful not to answer as it shows you have the confidence and ability to move on without paying attention to her.

Ignoring others drives them nuts! Trust me. Besides, where do all these little texts get you? Nowhere, just confused and probably angry. Save the emotion and flat out ignore... that's my advice anyway.

artlady · Sep 1, 2009, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by Ludichris

I didn't mean that in a bad way... I love it.

I thought simple and short responses would be better just so she never thinks she got to me. Guess I was wrong on that one?

N.C. is very specific.It means no contact,that includes answering her texts.
One final text to explain your position and then you need to stop all contact.
Cold turkey!
It sounds like the two of you are trying to wean yourself off one another and all that is doing is putting off the inevitable and preventing the healing from beginning.

I thought simple and short responses would be better just so she never thinks she got to me.

The problem with that theory is that she is getting to you and you are still giving her and the relationship power.
If you do not acknowledge her anymore,then you can truly move on and begin the process of healing.
It sounds like you are hoping the texts will get a little more friendly and you are hanging on to those text crumbs she is tossing your way.

paxe · Sep 1, 2009, 09:39 AM

Yep you were,
She is trying to crawl slowly back to you and get you in that "zone", the one where you're a possible option to her, but not completely. Let her be, it's her loss and your gain and really you'll understand that.

shazamataz · Sep 1, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by Ludichris

, "Erin wanted me to see if you might be able to help me pick up the cake the morning of the wedding". I messaged her sure thing,

Well then, Erin should have sent you a message.

her reply "are you taking anyone?", I said "no, are you" and she said "nope, except maybe sam :)"... Sam is a girl friend of hers. I told her "that's hawt", she said "haha, i guess". That concluded that conversation until last evening she texted me "so what are yall doing for the bachelor party?"

That is none of her business... and her taking her friend is not "hawt" to me that sounded like an expression of finding it sexy that she was taking her female friend.

I am going to maintain NC on my part. I don't know where her head is at and I'm not going to ask. I am keeping myself in the mindset that she is gone forever.

PS. A lot of very insightful and brutally honest people on here... listen to most of what they say :)

No, you are not going NC, you are still talking to her. She can't be gone forever if she is constantly messaging you and reminding you that she is there.

talaniman · Sep 1, 2009, 02:07 PM

Talaniman Rule-Learn how to disappear from the exes life, and get your own.

Talaniman Rule- NC means NO CONTACT whatsoever.

Talaniman Rule-Small talk and chit chat are not accomplishing anything with an ex, so don't do it.

Talaniman Rule #4-Don't fool yourself, because your sure not fooling the ex.

Talaniman Rule- When you disappear from an exes life, there is NO need to announce it.

vanheart · Sep 1, 2009, 11:00 PM

You won't realize this now.

NC will bring awareness.

BUT, only if you adhere and work on this, and take a look at yourself.

And I mean work, spiritually. Not the kind of work everyone does everyday, that's the whole issue. Knowing yourself & your partner with gut.

Im on 3 months and have worked my a$$ off. Been through hell & back, but not nearly the hell if you keep your ex in.

Its different for everyone, but one thing I know is that if this ever happens again for whatever reason... Its NC all the way.

No question.

shazamataz · Sep 2, 2009, 01:39 AM

Just a short story from me:

I went out with an ex for about 5 months, not long I know, but we were pretty attached.
I met him at a football club where I went every weekend with friends.
After we broke up I decided that I still wanted to go to the club, even though I knew he would be there.

I thought I would be fine.. I was over him... boy was I wrong.

Seeing him there was hard, especially when he turned up with a MUCH younger girl :rolleyes:

After that day I never went back to the club and moved on with my life... now I am in a much happier relationship and have been for nearly 4 years.

amicon · Sep 2, 2009, 01:56 AM

That s great.Im happy for you!

Ludichris · Sep 2, 2009, 08:42 AM

How would you suggest handling the wedding situation? I am IN the wedding and I will not allow her to control my life that much to back out of it. But in regards to the cake, simply call her and tell her I don't think it's a good idea that we go get the cake together? Tell her that I need time to heal and that we shouldn't contact each other?

artlady · Sep 2, 2009, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by Ludichris

How would you suggest handling the wedding situation? I am IN the wedding and I will not allow her to control my life that much to back out of it. But in regards to the cake, simply call her and tell her I don't think it's a good idea that we go get the cake together? Tell her that I need time to heal and that we shouldn't contact each other??

That sounds like a good plan and then cut all contact.