[waterdreamer]

My daughter is not like she used to be at all!! She gets very angry at a moments notice. We have verbal fights a lot more than we used to. What concerns me is her behavior. I will no longer go anywhere with her when she drives... she will go anywhere from 15 to 25 miles (from what I have seen while in the car) over the limit, while weaving between cars without using a turn signal. She is frequently going shopping and coming home with items that I know that she can not afford. I am 99% sure that she has stolen many items. I have had people come up to me and told me that they have seen her commit acts of vandalizim. One time when she fell asleep with her laptop next to her, when I went to put it away, I noticed that she was looking up where and how to purchase illegal drugs. I have seen her drink to excess (her friends told me that she drove a few times while drunk). What scares me the most are conversations that she told me, about how her life would be better off without me. She even went as far as to describe how she would kill me. I don't know what to do for her. I am worried about her, I think she is on a road that will head for jail. What should I do?

[N0help4u]

Well she won't go to jail until she is caught but the odds will be against her the more she keeps going the direction she is going.

If she lives with you and is threatening you in your own home maybe you should tell her that if you are such a horrible person why doesn't she do herself a favor and leave.
I can't imagine what you have to live with.
She definitely needs some tough love but how to go about that is a different story.

Do you have rules that she should follow and probably doesn't? If she is living with you does she pay toward her keep or anything?

Do you pay for any thing for her like cell phone, internet, insurance, car payment,.

[zippit]

Hello water dreamer
Very sorry for what you are going through
She's headed for a wake-up call for sure
It may come as a speeding ticket or a misdemeanor theft or a felony manslaughter
How long has this been going on with her?

And how much control do you have over the situation?
She is 25 and an adult she's making her own choices,if I was paying for any of those LUXERIES maybe I would consider taking some away?

[Wondergirl]

The early 20s is sometimes when an individual becomes plagued by a mental illness. It sounds like your daughter is acting out and pushing the envelope above and beyond what someone her age should be doing. If she were my daughter, I would report her to the police for her own sake, if not for someone else's who may get badly hurt or die because of her careless attitude.

[zippit]

. If she were my daughter, I would report her to the police
.

Wrong thing to do

With all do respect

[Wondergirl]

wrong thing to do

with all do respect

What would you do, "with all due respect"? She has to be stopped.

[N0help4u]

The police can't do anything unless she stole something with serial numbers. They are not going to follow her around to catch her in the act either.
She could possibly get a Protection From Abuse order on her that's about it

[zippit]

Here's why
First of all so much can go wrong with that .she can report it to police /the police do nothing .then she has to live with a even MORE out of control daughter
Or.
She reports it .the police catch her . And she gets mixed up in a HUGE case and ends up with 10- 15 yrs in the penitentray and YOU get to live with that for the rest of your life

It WRONG advise on many levels

[N0help4u]

heres why
first of all so much can go wrong with that she can report it to police the police do nothing then she has to live with a even MORE out of control daughter
or.
she reports it the police catch her and she gets mixed up in a HUGE case and ends up with 10- 15 yrs in the penitentray and YOU get to live with that for the rest of your life

it WRONG advise on many levels

Yep if they can't lock her up and she knows mom reported her she will really go ballistic

**sorry had to spread the rep

[zippit]

waterdreamer your post will obviously solicite
A wide band of deferent viewpoints I would invite you
To read some of the other posts concerning out of control
Youngsters,it seems to be a epidemic for our tough times
And I can tell you
The more you answer back and give us more info.
The better the advise gets

[zippit]

What would you do, "with all due respect"? She has to be stopped.

Can't you think of anything else to do except

Call the police on her

Is that really ALL you got

[Wondergirl]

cant you think of anything else to do except

call the police on her

is that really ALL you got

So far, I'm not reading anything helpful anyone else has to suggest. Bashing me is more fun?

[N0help4u]

Me and zippit DID suggest tough love and asked if she is contributing money for her daughters expenses and zippit also asked her for more info. I am waiting to hear back from the OP and I hope some come along with some other tough love suggestions

[Wondergirl]

Me and zippit DID suggest tough love and asked if she is contributing money for her daughters expenses and zippit also asked her for more info. I am waiting to hear back from the OP and I hope some come along with some other tough love suggestions

And the tough love would consist of what? I went back over all the responses and didn't see any tough love suggested.

[zippit]

cant you think of anything else to do except

call the police on her

is that really ALL you got

And I'm outm in the middle of no-where on a real slow wireless

And I thought I had edited this comment out

Didn't mean for it to go through I apologize

[N0help4u]

And the tough love would consist of what? I went back over all the responses and didn't see any tough love suggested.

For starters NOT paying for car insurance, cell phone, internet, etc if OP is paying
If daughter is living there then setting rules and charging her
If you don't think this is a start then I don't know what to tell you.
Not much we can tell the OP at this point without more information though.
Anyway what does what we have suggested or not suggested so far have to do with anything??

I also suggested a PFA if necessary
So that is 4 things between me and zippit that has been suggested so far

[zippit]

Often times a parent get the bits and pieces of a child's life from what they hear,or see or what they think they hear and see its perception.
What if the daughter just drives fast when mom is in the car because mom makes her nervous or she really doesn't want mom to like her driving
And what if the NEW stuff she's getting is coming from a older boyfriend the daughter doesn't want mom to know about
There was WAY too many what if in the op for the advise to be call the police on her
That is a knee jerk reaction that often times doesn't go the way you thought it would

[Wondergirl]

for starters NOT paying for car insurance, cell phone, internet, etc if OP is paying
if daughter is living there then setting rules and charging her
If you don't think this is a start then I don't know what to tell you.
Not much we can tell the OP at this point without more information though.
Anyway what does what we have suggested or not suggested so far have to do with anything???

The daughter is 25. It's a little late to "set rules." The daughter will laugh in her face. We don't even know if the two live in the same house.

[N0help4u]

Yes exactly way too many what ifs
And nothing that can be legally done at this point other than a PFA and setting rules and keeping money separate from daughter.

[Wondergirl]

that is a knee jerk reaction that often times doesnt go the way you thought it would

It can be done very well with excellent results.