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N0help4u · Aug 18, 2009, 01:21 PM

They hold her for 72 hours and release her to come home all the more hostile for being put there.

While she is there she tells them everything is fine and it is mom that has the problem

jmjoseph · Aug 18, 2009, 01:27 PM

Is there someone in her life that she actually does respect? If so, have THEM talk to her. This is a tough one, I hate to see instances where it's in their best interest to be arrested. But this is one of those times. As far as the mentioning of death and murder, let her know that you've notified your attorney that if something happens to you... That way it will snuff out her "get away with murder" fantasy. May GOD help and protect you.

waterdreamer · Aug 18, 2009, 01:36 PM

If there is someone that she trusts, I do not know about it. She is very hostile with the entire family. I have tried to meet her friends, but have been unsuccessful.

MsMewiththat · Aug 18, 2009, 01:37 PM

She needs more than a mediator. At some point OP needs to not be so passive. She her self has indicated that this is an individual with a diagnosis.Mental illness is nothing to play with. Who's to say the mediator then just doesn't become the 102nd person that the daughter doesn't like.
She has already proven to be dangerous. Sometimes easier said than done you have to do some drastic things for your children's safety. Calling the police for no reason, is questionable. Having her locked up and letting her know she can't return to the home and has to have an plan other than homelessness when she leaves the psychiatric care, who knows. What I do know is that this woman is tired, in some danger and asking for solutions. I don't like giving her the impression that for one she is helpless. She's not. Truth of the matter is she should have done something more drastic when she was a teenager under 18. Here nor there at this point. Now it is time to get her daughter the help she needs so she can lead a productive life and the OP doesn't have to live with guilt of suicide.

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2009, 01:43 PM

I have suggested at least 7 or 8 other things she can try. What else do you suggest she do that won't backfire?

Having her locked up and letting her know she is not allowed to return home AND HAS to have an plan other than homelessness.

If she had a plan other than homelessness I am sure OP would have already given her an eviction notice.

waterdreamer · Aug 18, 2009, 02:05 PM

I have threatened to evict my daughter. What keeps me from evicting her is that she has said that she is not afraid of living on the streets. She told me that if I evicted her, she would move to downtown/heart of the city, and become a prostitute. She has stated this on numerous occasions. I fear for her safety.

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2009, 02:07 PM

You need to worry about your safety and sanity too though.
Sometimes letting go and letting them learn the hard way is best.
She is emotionally blackmailing you

J_9 · Aug 18, 2009, 11:04 PM

Please read this... it is supposedly from the daughter, but I am not convinced it's not a troll.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/crimin...ml#post1932714

zippit · Aug 19, 2009, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Please read this....it is supposedly from the daughter, but I am not convinced it's not a troll.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/crimin...ml#post1932714

I don't see how that is the daughter the stories don't match

zippit · Aug 19, 2009, 01:27 AM

If the daughter is "saving money to move out"
And threatening to runaway to the streets
I have to totally agree with nohelp that you
Set a my way or highway set of rules and prepare for her to break them and if she does you cut her loose and she will end up in some kind of trouble and we are back to
The wake up call

J_9 · Aug 19, 2009, 04:03 AM

Originally Posted by zippit

i dont see how that is the daughter the stories dont match

The IP address matches. If you read the other thread you would see that the other person admits to being the daughter.

From this thread

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/crimin...ml#post1932714

Originally Posted by pinkfly999

This "waterdreamer" is my mother!!!

zippit · Aug 19, 2009, 06:48 AM

All right she says she's 23 water says 25
I didn't read the whole thing will now

Maybe this will get them talking something good can come of it

J_9 · Aug 19, 2009, 09:03 AM

I'm smelling a troll

twinkiedooter · Aug 19, 2009, 10:46 AM

Since you are the one who is suffering (and not her) may I suggest that she just leave your premises as soon as possible? The excuse that she is "saving up her money" is useless as I'm sure she will never have enough money to "move out". Wishful thinking on your part.

Since she has everything handed to her such as a place to live, etc. she is not doing much with her life. You did not state she has a full time job. If she did have a full time job she would not be doing the shoplifting, vandalism, etc. as she would have much less time to do this and would probably be into making something for herself.

Since you actually condone her behavior by letting her live at your home and watch her destructive behavior, you need to do some serious reflection on her and what she is actually doing to YOU. She's fine manipulating you. You are not fine being manipulated by her. You are a wreck thinking about "what if" scenerios.

If she actually had to work for a living and keep a roof over her head and food on the table by the fruits of her own labor, I'm pretty sure she'd change her tune. Not right away, but after she saw that mommie and daddy are not going to keep supporting her nutsyness financially any longer. Tough love is needed here. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it does boil down to you've been coddling her for years and she's just taken advantage of you by being a real drama queen and getting away with it. The more you fuss over her, the more drama you're guaranteed to get.

twinkiedooter · Aug 19, 2009, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

I'm smelling a troll

Possibly. But the other post has the OP living with a 29 year old sister in an apartment and not living in the mom's home "saving up money to move out".

Glad school is going to start soon. Not soon enough.

N0help4u · Aug 19, 2009, 11:15 AM

Daughter admits this is her mom.
One of them wants to make the story vary for whatever reason.
Mom says she comes and goes. Maybe the daughter hasn't told her she is staying with her sister.

crisluvsu731 · Aug 19, 2009, 01:20 PM

I would get her to get some counseling and let her know that that is the only way she is allowed to stay with you, and get some anger management. If she doesn't do anything to get her problems under control, she is going to get a wide eye opener soon. She will go down a worse path than she is going down now. You have got to stop letting her get away with treating you that way. It is your house, not hers. Your house, your rules. If you keep letting her run all over you, it won't stop. You need to do something right now!!

waterdreamer · Aug 20, 2009, 06:57 PM

I found out that my daughter has been using my credit cards to order various item online. I saw her enter the info under the "pinkfly..." name. This is not the first time that she has done this. Last time was when she was in high school. She tries to cast doubt over what I am saying. She does this frequently with extended family. Once I found the charges on my credit cards, I told her that was it. I gave her until the end of the month to find another place to live. She doesn't believe me, but if she is not out, I may be forced to get the police involved for fraud. I don't know yet about that part. I do know that I want her out by the end of August.

N0help4u · Aug 20, 2009, 07:02 PM

Make sure you give her a written eviction or she can use it against you that you didn't.

You know she claims she is living with her sister.

zippit · Aug 21, 2009, 05:02 AM

Cancel the card.
I think the theft is enough to have her kicked out.