Hi, robfitz111!
You're absolutely correct, Stringer! Among other things, robfitz111 has already voiced the following:
Sometimes I fear I will seriously hurt myself or even worse harm somebody else.
Drinking alcoholic beverages would be more likely to make those kinds of thoughts become real events.
Robfitz111, please get to a doctor of some kind to see if there's the possibility that something chemical in your brain might be affecting the way that you think and feel. I know what it's like to be so depressed that my thoughts go beyond my control. It's something chemical going on with me.
Do you have brothers and sisters? How well do you get along with them and with your parents? A big part of how I've felt about myself over many decades was because of the verbal and physical abuse that I suffered as a child and youth from a sibling of mine. I have little doubt, that there's something in your past or present from an outside entity that's also had some play in shaping your thoughts. It sure did in mine. Through the help of taking the proper medications and having therapy, I'm able to cope much better now.
Another thing is, is that a big part of life is about making choices... Sometimes it's very hard to make the correct choices when we feel so down about ourselves and when there might be an outside entity that's influencing the way that we think. Starting now though, please try to think and make choices that will consist of having an attitude that's positive and proactive and view the "glass as being half full rather than half empty".
I have a lot of problems in my own life right now, it's so easy for when someone asks me how I'm doing to tell them, "lousy". I'm starting to change that though and to tell them "I'm doing okay". I really am doing okay, if I really think about it. We all have challenges in our lives, and how we face those challenges determines the type of persons that we are and shows to others who we really are. Again, that's about making choices...
When you say that you're starting to get better, what do you mean by that, please? What sort of things have happened to bring that about?
You're not alone here. I'm sure that there will be a number of other people who'll come to this thread and, out of the kindness in their hearts, try to give you the best advice that they can. We have a number of folks on this site who've been through some really rough times and lived to tell about them and have grown much stronger as person's because of what they've gone through and might even presently going through.
Please think about and remember the following thoughts:
You're not alone. Make positive and proactive choices. Please see a physician of some kind. You can turn "scars into stars", if you choose to do so. Every day, is a chance for a new beginning, so, why dwell dwell on things that have happened in the past? "Attitude is everything". In a very big way, that's very true, because everything that we do is shaped by what we first form as thoughts that we then put into action. A quote from the great basketball player, Michael Jordan:
I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
We all fail over and over again. That's part of what makes the successes such sweet things when we achieve them, especially if we try for things where it takes a lot of work and effort to achieve them.
Some people don't know what they're missing because they haven't been there yet. That's the way that I feel about people who could do some great things if they really worked at achieving them and used the correct techniques to practice achieving the goals.
It's not just practice that makes perfect, but perfect practice that makes perfect, for there are many ways to practice incorrectly. When we prepare for the next day by planning out our activities and preparing to do them the best that we can and get enough sleep in order to be best prepared to face the tasks before us, that's practicing.
What sort of good things have happened in your life, and what sort of things do you like to do for fun, please?
Thanks!