[jswear28]

I have been going through some hard times, feeling really depressed. I just can't see the good in anything. I feel lonely, sad, and angry. I often cry for no reason and ask myself why do I feel this way. It hurts so much and I really don't even no exactly why I feel this way. Now I think I have a drinking problem. At night I often drink a lot to get things off my mind. It does help and it makes me feel soooo good. I don't want to stop. I know it's not the right thing to do. And I know drinking is the worst thing to do when your depressed but I don't know if I could stop. I have a very addictive personality. I recently just quit smoking pot, which was a big step for me. I know that I am done with that, but now I don't know if I can stop drinking. Please help me, I don't know what to do. My mom is currently working on scheduling me a psychotherapy session.

[snippy07]

Talking on here is a good start for help.
Do something that just takes your mind off all the stresses you have. If you like sports go out and play some basketball or something. Watch movies if you enjoy that. Just do anything to take your mind off things. At night instead of drinking maybe you could just come to this website and answer questions or ask questions to keep you busy or talk to a friend/family member. Hope everything is okay and I hope I've helped at least somewhat. Good luck.

[artlady]

Hi!
You said you have been going through some hard times lately.

What has been happening that you are having a hard time coping with?

Sometimes when people habitually use a drug(even pot) and then quit,they experience some mood changes.

Its great that you have quit but replacing it with another drug is a bad choice.

I know you know that.

You sound like a bright person.

Tell me a little about yourself.

What do you like to do when you are feeling more like yourself?

Are you into art or music or sports?

What do you do with your friends when you get together?

[jswear28]

Well I am a little boozed up. But I play baseball. And I try to do things that take my mind off everything. For instance I have been running at night. That helps, but when I'm done and I can't sleep, I drink. There's also a girl that brings me problems, and when I drink, I don't even think about those problems. I usually listen to music to, to get my mind of things, but these things are only temporarily. They only work when I do them. It's so overwhelming, when I have so much on my mind. I live with my dad who is an alcoholic, I see my mom on the weekends. I don't know what it is. It's not that my parents divorced, or that my dad is an alcoholic, it seems like that's nothing to do with it. Right now I am fine because I have drank. But I know tomorrow won't be good. I have friends but I am not really a people person. I can't talk to people. It's just my personality, I have no confidence whatsoever. I don't know. It's so hard to explain.. but I thank you so much, you don't understand. It just means so much that there's people out there that really care and want to help others. It means so much.

[jswear28]

I feel so depressed all the time. Like there is no meaning of life. Life is to short, so I don't care if I cut it short. I'm not talking suicide, but I want to experience with things. Like drugs. I have been starting to drink a lot because of my depression and it does help me. Drinking helps my depression, sounds dumb and I know its not right, but now I want to experience with other drugs. I just quit smoking pot, but it's so hard. I have so much going through my mind I can't even explain. I don't know what to do with my life. I just want to see through my third eye. Experience things that are behond normal and escape reality. It's not the right path, but I don't have any potential so why not. The only thing is I don't want to hurt the people that care about me. That's the only thing, but I don't know what to do. There's so much pain and getting effed up is the only way out of it. I don't want to be a total screw up and sometimes I think about changing everything and wanting to live a good life. But it seems almost impossible, like I just couldn't give the effort...

[artlady]

It can't be easy living with an alcoholic father and it can't be easy just seeing your Mom on the week-ends.
Its great that you are not using those issues as excuses but I think they are valid reasons for feeling like you are unable to cope.
What do you think you need in your life to make things better?
What would make you happy?

[jswear28]

I don't know. That's the thing. I want to be happy, but nothing makes me happy. I just don't know.

[artlady]

I feel so depressed all the time. Like there is no meaning of life. Life is to short, so I don't care if I cut it short. I'm not talking suicide, but I wanna experience with things. Like drugs. I have been starting to drink a lot because of my depression and it does help me. Drinking helps my depression, sounds dumb and I know its not right, but now I want to experience with other drugs. I just quit smoking pot, but it's so hard. I have so much going through my mind I can't even explain. I don't know what to do with my life. I just want to see through my third eye. Experience things that are behond normal and escape reality. It's not the right path, but I don't have any potential so why not. The only thing is I don't want to hurt the people that care about me. That's the only thing, but I don't know what to do. There's so much pain and getting effed up is the only way out of it. I don't want to be a total screw up and sometimes I think about changing everything and wanting to live a good life. But it seems almost impossible, like I just couldn't give the effort.....

You do have potential.Don't ever underestimate yourself! You have value and you need to honor yourself!

I can tell from the way you express yourself that you are a very articulate person and you are smart.
You do have the potential for a good life,it is in your hands.

Sixteen is a hard age.Your certainly not a kid but not yet an adult (legally).

There is pressure to succeed in school and there is peer pressure as well.

Drinking for depression is the worst possible thing you could do.It will only worsen your depression.

Sure,it might feel like a quick fix but tomorrow the pain is still there and then the guilt as well for feeling like you can't cope without the alcohol.

Sometimes depression is just a chemical imbalance in the brain and antidepressants have been very effective for many people.

I think its good that your Mom is getting you help.

Do you like living with your Dad? Is he good to you?

[jswear28]

Yes I love my dad. I didn't want to tell him what I was going through but when he found out from my mom, he went to a bar. I picked him up that night from the bar and when we got home he talked to me about it. I have never seen my dad cry before. It's not like he is a bad dad, but he is an alcoholic. He loves me and I love him. There have been so many times where I have just hated him and not wanted to be here. Like I said, I just don't know. My mind is so confusing, there's so much going on, I can't handle it.

[jswear28]

OK but I got to get some sleep. Can we talk tomorrow? I really do need your help and I really appreciate everything. Thanks so much. I'm not in any shape to be talking about this right now. A

[artlady]

Yes I love my dad. I didn't want to tell him what I was going through but when he found out from my mom, he went to a bar. I picked him up that night from the bar and when we got home he talked to me about it. I have never seen my dad cry before. It's not like he is a bad dad, but he is an alcoholic. He loves me and I love him. There have been so many times where I have just hated him and not wanted to be here. Like I said, I just don't know. My mind is so confusing, there's so much going on, I can't handle it.

I'm not going to lecture you about the drinking and drugs because you know it isn't helping you at all.

You sound like you need to get in touch with the things that are hurting you and not try to mask your pain with drugs.

Its hard sometimes to even know what our feelings are,they can be so complicated.

I think it would be a good idea if you started a journal and just wrote down all of your feelings.
Just your random thoughts and you might be surprised how helpful it is.

It can help you to gain a better perspective.

You could even write music lyrics,expressing your feelings.

I get the impression you have been holding in your pain for a long time.

I imagine things in your home were pretty bad for a long time before your parents divorced and you probably felt helpless and sad for a long time.You most likely held all that inside and now its going to take work to get those emotions out and talked about so you can begin to heal.
Am I making any sense?
I have two sons,29 and 22 so I know how hard it is for guys to express their feelings :)

[jswear28]

You know everything.. Everything you have said has made sense to me. Thank you so much. I hope that you will be here tomorrow and I can talk to you. It means so much.

[artlady]

You know everything.. Everything you have said has made sense to me. Thank you so much. I hope that you will be here tomorrow and I can talk to you. It means so much.

I will be here.I usually get on late at night (insomnia).
We will talk again,take care now!

[jswear28]

Ok I am back. It's so hard to explain how I feel. I don't even understand it. I'm just not happy no matter what I think of or what I am doing.

[artlady]

Ok I am back. It's so hard to explain how I feel. I don't even understand it. I'm just not happy no matter what I think of or what I am doing.

When are you going to be able to talk to a therapist?
I think maybe you have some issues from the divorce that you haven't dealt with yet.

[jswear28]

There is one thing I really want to talk to you about, it's about this girl. It's been very difficult with her. I have known her for a very long time and am very good friends with her brother. I love her so much and I know I will always be in her life and she is there for me. She is not the emotional type of person and does not know how to deal with what I'm going through. She does not want a relationship until after high school and I guess I can wait. We recently had a talk and she told me that she is not comfortable with me kissing her. I didn't understand. About a week ago she told me she wanted to kiss me and tell me everything will be fine. Now she's not comfortable with it. She needs time to think and I don't know what she needs to think about. I'm so confused and it hurts just thinking about this whole situation with us. She promises me everything will work out. But I'm so worried all the time.

[artlady]

There is one thing I really want to talk to you about, it's about this girl. It's been very difficult with her. I have known her for a very long time and am very good friends with her brother. I love her so much and I know I will always be in her life and she is there for me. She is not the emotional type of person and does not know how to deal with what i'm going through. She does not want a relationship untill after high school and I guess I can wait. We recently had a talk and she told me that she is not comfortable with me kissing her. I didn't understand. About a week ago she told me she wanted to kiss me and tell me everything will be fine. Now she's not comfortable with it. She needs time to think and I don't know what she needs to think about. I'm so confused and it hurts just thinking about this whole situation with us. She promises me everything will work out. But i'm so worried all the time.

It sounds like she is as confused as you are.One day there is no kissing and the next day there is.

If she needs space and time to think,you need to respect that.She should be able to tell you what she is thinking about.

Maybe she does not want to get involved with you right now because she is seeing some out of control behavior and that is scaring her away.Sound like a possibility?

Bottom line ,you can't force someone to love you or be with you.

[jswear28]

Well she also told me that I smother her too much. That kind of killed me because I don't know how to give her space. I want to be with her so bad. I just don't understand. We are so close and we know we will be in each other's lives forever. She promises me that everything will work out in the end, but I tell her that's a promise that you can't keep because anything can happen. That's another thing that makes me so sad and angry, anything can happen. I think about that all day, I'm so worried something will happen. It's like sometimes she gives me signs that she wants to be with me and I can kiss her and stuff, but then I feel a lot of times she is pushing me away. And the reason she is pushing me away is because my feelings are so strong and I smother her. I don't know how to deal with this situation! What can I possibly do?

[artlady]

Well she also told me that I smother her to much. That kinda killed me because I don't know how to give her space. I want to be with her so bad. I just don't understand. We are so close and we know we will be in each other's lives forever. She promises me that everything will work out in the end, but I tell her that's a promise that you can't keep because anything can happen. That's another thing that makes me so sad and angry, anything can happen. I think about that all day, i'm so worried something will happen. It's like sometimes she gives me signs that she wants to be with me and I can kiss her and stuff, but then I feel a lot of times she is pushing me away. And the reason she is pushing me away is because my feelings are so strong and I smother her. I don't know how to deal with this situation! What can I possibly do?

She needs to stop giving you mixed signals! Its hard to know what to do when she is hot and cold.
You may be a little clingy right now because you understand that anything can happen in a relationship.
Bottom line though,sometimes the more you try to cling to someone the further away they go.
Hate to be abrupt,but I am in the middle of an electrical storm and have to log off my comp for now.
Maybe we can talk tomorrow ,I have to get off line asap.
Sorry.Will talk soon!
Hang in there!

[jswear28]

I just don't know what to tell her besides how I feel and how I can't figure anything out. What can I say to her to make her realize how much pain I am going through and that she is only making it worse. But the thing is, I don't really understand how she is making it worse. I just know that whatever it is, it's really taking a toll on me. I think about her constantly all day, just worrying and thinking about what's next. I get so scared and angry, and sometimes I just randomly cry. I know it sounds like I am over reacting, but there's just so much pain built up inside of me.