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makapuu · Aug 29, 2009, 02:29 AM

I've been down this road with one of his other ex's. When my relationship was new, I felt insecure and paranoid about the ex's. I am now more secure with my relationship, but I truly dislike being around his ex's because my first instinct is to let my diamond do the talking. And my diamond says, "there's a reason why I'm on this hand and not yours". My boyfriend doesn't like to be the bad guy, but his other ex left us alone after she saw my ring. I told him that I don't like being put in that position, but he thinks it's all just a coincidence that his ex's finally give up after I show them my ring.

So my original point is not that I distrust my boyfriend, it is a distrust of the women that want to spend time with their non-available ex's.

Can women really be just friends with the ex boyfriends that didn't want to marry them?

makapuu · Sep 7, 2009, 02:00 AM

I will be having a bit more thanks this Thanksgiving because the boyfriend and I are going away to visit family. I don't think his ex will be coming around now, but things could change.

makapuu · Oct 7, 2009, 11:19 PM

Funny how life sucks sometimes. I thought I had the perfect love, but I was in a dream world. The end of this story will have me visiting my family by myself, and my new ex- boyfriend will be free to visit his ex.

amicon · Oct 7, 2009, 11:37 PM

How are you?
Have you broken up?
Share some more if you can please.

makapuu · Oct 8, 2009, 10:03 AM

I'm doing OK. Sometimes love isn't enough.

I took a new job and I was spending less time with my boyfriend. I guess we were only stable when I could be with him all the time. If he needs a girlfriend 24/7 then I'm really not the girl for him anymore, and I have to let him go so he can be happy. I still love him so much, but I know he needs more than I can give him. I need this job, and if he can't understand that, then he's too selfish.

amicon · Oct 8, 2009, 10:17 AM

I hope you re OK.Breakups are tough.
He sounds selfish and spoiled.
Good luck with the new job.

I wish · Oct 8, 2009, 10:25 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. It sounds like a very insecure and unhealthy relationship. You might have had your good times, but relationships are suppose to be more natural.

Sounds like you're doing well on your own though. You've got lots to look forward to. Good luck!

makapuu · Oct 8, 2009, 11:16 PM

Thanks everyone. I've realized that my boyfriend is selfish and probably a bit insecure. He likes female attention, and usually he gets it from me because we hung out together almost 24/7. Now that I'm working a longer shift and commuting longer, I don't get to spend much quality time with him.
We've talked since the break-up and he swears he would never and has never cheated on me... flirting is just something he says he does. I guess it was OK when it was with me because I was always around. Now he says he flirts with others because, "you're not around". It upsets me, eventho he says he wouldn't act on it. I truly loved him, but he seemed so insensitive to my job-stress, so I broke up with him. He says he still loves me. I wanted to give him back his diamond ring, but he told me to keep it. I'm heart is aching and my brain is turning to mush.

amicon · Oct 8, 2009, 11:37 PM

All breakups are very tough even if you re the one who left. There is not a proper relationship however if there s no real communication respect and understanding -and my take on your ex is that he is immature and expects others to do most of the work in the relationship. There s also been the ongoing .insecurity as regards his exes which you ve found upsetting. He needs to grow up and realise that other people are as important as he is..

friend4u178 · Oct 10, 2009, 03:14 PM

Hi makapuu

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup , but I'm sure with the time you've spent here on AMHD and the good advice you've given to other people you'll be more equipped to handle it better.

Good Luck!

makapuu · Oct 11, 2009, 12:34 AM

Thanks Friend,
I am struggling with my responses to others because my own relationship fell apart. It's also hard to take in the responses from others because I somehow feel my situation is different from the others. It seems so clear when I hear the stories of others and reply, yet in my own personal struggles I'm in a fog.

I'm sure I'm breaking all the rules, but I am following my heart.

friend4u178 · Oct 11, 2009, 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by makapuu

It's also hard to take in the responses from others because I somehow feel my situation is different from the others.

Ha Ha... I haven't heard that before ;)

You'll be fine I'm sure.

talaniman · Oct 11, 2009, 04:01 PM

I'm sure I'm breaking all the rules, but I am following my heart.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when its so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush

Trust me on that one.

friend4u178 · Oct 11, 2009, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when its so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush

Trust me on that one.

Tal
You really should make a thread with all your rules!!

Love em' :)

makapuu · Oct 12, 2009, 11:47 PM

My supervisor told me that my boyfriend had requested a transfer to be closer to me! He wanted to surprise me, but just in case he didn't get it, he didn't want me to be disappointed. I'm mad because he let me fly off the handle for nothing, but a part of me knows that he really loves me. He let me cry my eyes out for almost two weeks, I had no idea that he even cared. He's a jerk sometimes. His transfer will probably get approved because he has seniority over the newer guy. I think I have to take back everything I said to him. I'm going to confront him now, and probably lose control of my emotions again!

I think the best thing for me to do is to work on fixing my relationship. AMHD has been a big help to me, but I feel like an emotional yo-yo in here now. I need to take a break from this.
I hope love conquers all.

amicon · Oct 12, 2009, 11:52 PM

I hope it works out for you and that you go on to have an emotionally stable relationship.

Yosomoton213 · Oct 13, 2009, 12:26 AM

Do you think he made you sweat it out for attention... like he did with his ex girlfriends? Do you think that he is a bit of a narcissist by making other girls want to commit to him, and then leaving? Is there a pattern to his behavior that you notice... along these lines?

Hope it works out with you though.