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haskell · Aug 12, 2009, 12:02 PM

I am the divorced mother of a 19 year-old son. When he becomes enraged, he shouts vulgar profanity at the top of his lungs. I have repeatedly told him that shouting and the use of loud profanity is unacceptable in my house. During one argument several months ago, I told him if he did this again, he would have to move out. He continued this behavior thereafter, any time we had disagreements, despite my protests. Then a couple of days ago, when he was screaming obscenities, I told him to leave. He said no, and continued the deafening verbal assault. Seeing no alternative, I called the police, who eventually caught up with him and counseled him. My son claims that this police action was inappropriate, as no crime was committed. He says I have ruined our relationship for good, since I have terribly humiliated and embarrassed him. He says that I wasted police resources on a matter that should have been handled more discreetly at home--- that family disputes should not involve the police. I maintain that I acted appropriately in that there was no civil alternative remaining to demonstrate to him that his behavior would not be tolerated. Was I wrong?

Alty · Aug 12, 2009, 12:08 PM

I have mixed feeling about this.

He didn't lay a hand on you, he was yelling. The police have enough to do without having to come over to every house where there is a verbal argument.

On the other hand, you have warned him repeatedly that this behavior is not acceptable in your house. If it could have been handled discreetly at home I'm sure you would have done so.

I probably wouldn't have called the police but I do agree that you shouldn't have to put up with this in your home.

I think it's time that he moves out, obviously the situation at home is not ideal.

Good luck.

HelpinHere · Aug 12, 2009, 12:27 PM

Well, one, it could have been disturbing the peace, constantly yelling.
Two, unless he is paying rent, he is a guest, not a tenent. I'm not sure about the laws in your area, but here that means you have the right to kick them out (18+) whenever you want.
If they refuse, you can involve police action.

I myself wouldnt' call the police unless it was the last possible choice. I'm not sure your exact circumstances, but you are trying to be a good mother. Not always, but sometimes kicking them out can help turn them around. It worked for one of my brothers.

haskell · Aug 12, 2009, 12:59 PM

Thank you for your answer... he HAS moved out now, but is bitter. I just saw no alternative to get the point across

HelpinHere · Aug 12, 2009, 01:12 PM

I understand.
Doing something like that is hard, especially to your own son. I do know that you want the best for him. You are doing your best for him.

I wish you the best of luck! :)

Keep us updated!

ima_mommy15 · Aug 15, 2009, 03:14 PM

Well see he grown and he should know by now how to speak english you said stop cousin in your house he understood that and wanted to countinue to do it so you where right but I would have beat his as* first then called the police and he saying that because he want you to feel bad but don't you did good

mathtutor · Aug 15, 2009, 03:21 PM

I don't think you were wrong. I'd have done the same thing. And don't let him lay a guilt trip on you about it either. Actually, I'm lying ; I wouldn't have done the same thing, I'd just kick his 19-year-old a$$ out of the house!

HelpinHere · Aug 15, 2009, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by ima_mommy15

well see he grown and he should know by now how to speak english yu said stop cusin in your house he understood that and wanted to countinue to do it so you where right but i would have beat his as* first then called the police and he sayin that because he want yu to feel bad but dont you did good

1: Violence is NEVER the answer.
2: Before you go off preaching who should learn English, you should learn it first.