[cakajaka]

Recently I've been having issues with my sex life, and one of those issues that I can't seem to get a hold on is my girlfriend saying that sex with me feels 'emotionless". She says that I'm thinking too much about what I'm doing or how long I'm lasting during sex. She says that she feels that I'm only this way during intercourse. I took the time to 'think" (lol) about it lately & I think she's probably right as most women are. Does anybody have a suggestions as to what I can do to get out of this funk & add some much needed "spice" to the mix. Any help at all would be greatly appreciated.

[sweet1028]

Speaking for myself, and not every woman, I like kisses during sex. If he doesn't kiss me at all, I feel like it's just what it is, sex. Nothing special for me without that closeness that kissing brings into the picture.
Don't think about what you are doing. Women can tell when you are not into it and thinking too much about it. It should just be natural, what happens... happens.

You know what you are doing to make her feel an emotional bond before intercourse, try the same during. I hope things work out for you and I hope some of my advice is helpful. Good Luck!

[cakajaka]

I have another question. Earlier in our relationship my girlfriend used to dress up for me, but for some reason she just doesn't anymore. When I bring it up she just says sure she doesn't care what I want her to wear but then doesn't follow through. How do you think I should approach the issue without being disrespectful. It's not a deal breaker for me, but I do enjoy it a lot. Thanks for the earlier advice sweet1028, I'll be sure to try it.

[sweet1028]

I have another question. Earlier in our relationship my gf used to dress up for me, but for some reason she just doesn't anymore. When I bring it up she just says sure she doesn't care what i want her to wear but then doesn't follow through. How do you think I should approach the issue without being disrespectful. It's not a deal breaker for me, but I do enjoy it alot. Thanks for the earlier advice sweet1028, I'll be sure to try it.

How do you mean dress up? Are we still on the topic of sex or do you mean dress up in make-up nice clothes etc?

Well to me, I don't think that it would be disrespectful if you two were in the bedroom and her closet was open to just pick something out. By that I mean to do the whole guy thing saying "you have so many clothes" or something like that, and then pick something you like and say I bet you would look beautiful in this. Not sexy or hot, because that doesn't mean as much as beautiful to a woman. Then say why not wear this out to dinner with me tonight. Then there you go hair fixed, make up on, nice outfit, and a little jewelry. You got her all dressed up, now take her out to a nice dinner and maybe a movie.

[kp2171]

Make it sometimes "all about her."

Draw her a hot bath. Give her a chilled glass of korbel. Have the bedroom ready, clean, warm.

After her bath massage her body. If you don't know how to do this well, get a book. A simple book on massage can teach you some basic strokes that will show you how to relax her body. Be patient. Also, be more patient. More than kissing, more than anything else, skin sensitizing through sensual massage is a better "foreplay" in my opinion that all the other noise.

Be patient. Be willing to trust and to talk. I know there was a time when I took a woman's silence as "im doing something wrong so its time to try something new"... which leads a man to acting like a fly, buzzing all over her body and simply annoying her.

Physiologically, it takes time for skin on skin sensitization to cause hormones to release, for the body to respond... mentally, the more you can help her be "in the moment" the better...

Personally, you might want to make a few session "just about her"... whether that's oral or intercourse. Whether you ask her to self stimulate while you bite at her ears and neck.

In the end... the is no recipe that works for all.

The lover before my previous lover liked COMPLETELY different things.

One woman might find sex outdoors erotic. Another might find it hindering.

So... if I were in your case, id first focus on sensual touch. There are pressure points in the feet that can ease a persons pain... it can also relax someone into a more pleasurable state. Be willing to take time to explore her body and her desires.

She shouldn't be offended if you ask about her desires. You shouldn't feel insecure not knowing her needs. Good sex often takes time and communication and a willingness to try and sometimes "fail"...

But it isn't failure if you focus on the experience and not the orgasm.

[cakajaka]

Yeah sweet I was still referring to sex, but that was still excellent advice. Thanks