[gabbyb]

I'm a 17 year old American girl living in Germany. For about the last 7 years, my mother's mental and physical health seem to be steadily deteriorating. It all started when my mother's father died. My mother was pregnant at the time with my younger brother and the shock of her father's death threw her, understandably, into a deep depression. Shortly after my 5th birthday my brother was born and after that my Mom was diagnosed with Hepatitis C which she contracted from a needle prick at the practice where she worked (she is a family medicine doctor). After being diagnosed with Hep. C my mother did not receive treatment (treatment for Hep. C is comparable to chemo therapy in its numerous side affects), fearing the side affects of the shots would cause her to be so disabled that she would not be able to care for myself and my young brother (especially since my brother had a swallowing problem and required a lot of extra care).

A few years later we moved to Virginia. My Mom made the choice to quit work and stay home with my brother and I. For a few years things were pretty good. Sometimes Mom would get really fatigued and sleep in for longer that usual, but for the most part our lives were normal and relatively happy. Later my parents made the decision to move to another neighborhood. That is when the real trouble started. My mother and father started arguing and sometimes physically fighting. My father was seriously injured in the 9/11 attacks on the Pentagon and my mother and I had to dress his 2nd and 3rd degree burns at home while the hospitals were full of people in critical condition. My grandmother on my mom's side was diagnosed with colon cancer and came to live with us which resulted in countless hospital visits and even more stress on my mom.

By the end of 2004 when we moved to another house in Virginia, my mom was totally, and understandably, burnt out. She spent whole days in her room just sleeping or spent hours in the bathroom with the door locked. She started to exhibit strange behavior such as claiming to see demons in her room and started writing a book about the evils of gays. She placed an inordinate number of crosses and crucifixes around our house. Eventually her behavior went from just bizarre to abusive as she began to brutally insult me and on some occasions hit and scratched me. This behavior culminated when at the end of my 7th grade year she told me I couldn't go to school because she had an inside source in the government that told her there was going to be a drug bust at my school. When I told her that I had to go to school she began attacking me. My Dad had to restrain her and the Police were called. Although she passed the psychological screening at the police station, I was still convinced that she had some serious mental issues to address.

To make a long story short(er), we now live in Germany because of my Dad's job. Although her behavior has calmed down a bit, I am still extremely worried about her. She hasn't left the house in months. When she's in a room she closes all of the blinds and windows. She spends hours in the bathroom (one time she spent 6 hours in the bathroom) whispering angrily to herself. She's gained a lot of weight and her personal hygiene has really deteriorated. She tried beginning her Hep. C treatments early last year but the side affects were so severe she was unable to complete the treatment. Whenever I ask her about going to the doctor she either blows me off, tries to change the subject, or tells me that she doesn't feel like talking. Recently her mother died and I haven't seen her cry a single tear, she didn't even make an effort to go back to the states for the funeral.

I've had to deal with so much with my mother's illness: never being able to invite friends over to the house, increased responsibility (having to cook and clean for myself as well as keeping my brother occupied) constant fear that she will harm herself or others, fear for her health, and my own depression. Now that I will be going into my senior year and leaving home for university in a year, I am afraid of what detrimental affects my mother's illness will have on my younger brother (who is 12). I don't want him to have to go through what I went through. How can I help her if she won't leave the house or even see the doctor? I admire my mom and appreciate the sacrifices she's made, but I can't stand seeing her like this anymore, and the strain it's putting on our family is immense. HELP! Is my mom mentally ill or just stressed out? How can I get her to see a doctor?

Sorry this was so long by the way

[artlady]

I am very sorry for your situation.It is a very heavy burden for anyone to handle but being that you should be enjoying your teen years ,it is even more so.

There are mental health laws that dictate a person can be placed in a facility for up to 72 hours for an evaluation,if there is a concern that they are a danger to them self or others.

Your father has a responsibility to see to the safety of you and your brother.

He needs to make a call to a mental health facility to have your Mother evaluated.

She could be helped and to not seek help for her is doing everyone a great disservice. Her problem could be one that could be readily taken care of with medication.

To not act at all is a shame.

If she had cancer ,I am sure he would insist on treatment.Mental illness is treatable.You are all suffering needlessly,there may be a treatment that could improve the quality of your mothers life and I think your father has been remiss in his duty to your Mom to not take some action.

You need to get your father involved in actively caring for your mother and getting her seen for an evaluation.
She may be combative but I think it is necessary.She may also thank-you in the long run.

[gabbyb]

...I think your father has been remiss in his duty to your Mom to not take some action.

You need to get your father involved in actively caring for your mother and getting her seen for an evaluation.

That is a really great idea. For some reason it never occurred to me that my Father could help in this. I guess I was blinded by the "daddy's girl" mentality I've developed after so many hard times with my Mom. It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to talk to him about it. I just never wanted to bother him because he's so busy with work (he goes to work at 7am and doesn't come home till around 10) and then when he gets home he always seems really stressed out and just wants to go on the computer.

[artlady]

That is a really great idea. For some reason it never occurred to me that my Father could help in this. I guess I was blinded by the "daddy's girl" mentality I've developed after so many hard times with my Mom. It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to talk to him about it. I just never wanted to bother him because he's so busy with work (he goes to work at 7am and doesn't come home till around 10) and then when he gets home he always seems really stressed out and just wants to go on the computer.

He needs to stop burying his head in the sand and stand up for his family.Being on the computer is not going to help your mother or you kids.This should be his call,not yours.
Your mothers problem could be something as common as an imbalance of chemicals in the brain,which can often be treated successfully with medication.
I wish you the best!

[MsMewiththat]

You Dear sweet young lady. You are certainly exposed to way more than you need to be right now. I sympathize with your situation and wish you all of the best. Art lady is correct when saying that you need to somehow get your Dad fully engaged in facing what is happening with your mother. Mental illness is dangerous. If you are unable to get your father to do what is needed, there is nothing wrong with you alerting your teachers at school and getting some real help for her. Medication may stabilize her. Please get her the help that she needs before she really harms someone.
Be safe.