[JudyKayTee]

The same thing could be said about non-sexual, Plutonic dating, why not wait for someone special?

I think if you're gonna get to know someone, you've got to get to know them.

Is Plutonic dating when you date someone on the Planet Pluto?

[asking]

Is Plutonic dating when you date someone on the Planet Pluto?

Nah. It's when you date someone with a magmatic personality (or maybe it's the radiometric dating of igneous rock).

But how do you sew wild oats?

[jmjoseph]

Nah. It's when you date someone with a magmatic personality (or maybe it's the radiometric dating of igneous rock).

But how do you sew wild oats?

It's a horizontal procedure. Or vertical, or...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...%20wild%20oats

[asking]

Probably need an itty bitty sewing machine...

[jmjoseph]

Probably need an itty bitty sewing machine...

No I used an averaged sized "needle".

[slapshot_oi]

I don't believe in waiting for marriage, you should test the waters before you dive in, but dating multiple people and having sex with them? I don't think so, not nowadays.

You said yourself you were pretty cavalier back in your day, so the you of then probably wouldn't agree with yourself now.

My method ain't fool proof but I believe it's worked so far. I don't know what else to say.

Is Plutonic dating when you date someone on the Planet Pluto?

Plutonic relationship, of lava, lava moves slow, it's a play on words; describes a relationship that goes no where fast, waste of time which is what most Platonic relationships are, can't get too close or it'll burn you... It sounds pretty lame spelled out.

And it's a Kuiper belt object, not a planet :)

[DrJ]

Ok, I am going to have to chime in here.

I am a firm believer in "dating". I think too many of us assume that we are all just naturals when it comes to love, relationships, sex, fear, jealousy, trust, honesty, and all these other things that we never experience while waiting around for Mr or Mrs Right to come along. Then when we think we have finally found him/her, we often just dive in only to end up hurt and bitter over the whole experience.

However, if we were to approach the same situation without all the expectations... without all the pressures... without all the worry and nervousness... we might get a quicker glimpse at who that person really is and if we think they might be right for us.

I am in my early 30's. Aside from a marriage and a couple decently long[er]-terms relationships, I have always dated. I have dated a fair amount of women... and I have probably slept with most of them. However, that doesn't mean that I would just run around trying to hump anything that moves. And it doesn't mean that it was ever "just sex". I hate "just sex"... no one, dating, married, divorced, dead, or whatever should ever have "just sex".

And I definitely agree that getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex (although, it can). And I also agree that having sex with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you know them or suddenly will know them.

However, I have to say that you can never truly know anyone until you share that with them.

So why wouldn't that be part it all?

And as far as that whole "saving yourself for someone special" thing goes... what exactly are we supposed to be saving? I myself have yet to run out of sex... ;)

Ok final thoughts... Chuck, no, I don't think that when you tell people to date you should see it as telling them to go sleep around or have sex. Dating should never imply having sex. However, if two (hopefully responsible, hopefully mature [enough]) adults want to share something intimate with each other and express their feelings toward them, how can we tell them it's wrong?

[Alty]

Love the speech DrJ. ;)

I never said I was right. Heck, I haven't dated in, gulp, 19 years, so what do I know?

I've been with the same man for, again, gulp, 19 years, so sleeping around, that was in the past.

What am I trying to say?

Why don't I just shut up now?

OKAY! :)

[JudyKayTee]

Ok, I am going to have to chime in here.

I am a firm believer in "dating". I think too many of us assume that we are all just naturals when it comes to love, relationships, sex, fear, jealousy, trust, honesty, and all these other things that we never experience while waiting around for Mr or Mrs Right to come along. Then when we think we have finally found him/her, we often just dive in only to end up hurt and bitter over the whole experience.

However, if we were to approach the same situation without all the expectations... without all the pressures... without all the worry and nervousness... we might get a quicker glimpse at who that person really is and if we think they might be right for us.

I am in my early 30's. Aside from a marriage and a couple decently long[er]-terms relationships, I have always dated. I have dated a fair amount of women... and I have probably slept with most of them. However, that doesn't mean that I would just run around trying to hump anything that moves. And it doesn't mean that it was ever "just sex". I hate "just sex"... no one, dating, married, divorced, dead, or whatever should ever have "just sex".

And I definitely agree that getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex (although, it can). And I also agree that having sex with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you know them or suddenly will know them.

However, I have to say that you can never truly know anyone until you share that with them.

So why wouldn't that be part it all?

And as far as that whole "saving yourself for someone special" thing goes... what exactly are we supposed to be saving? I myself have yet to run out of sex... ;)

Ok final thoughts... Chuck, no, I don't think that when you tell people to date you should see it as telling them to go sleep around or have sex. Dating should never imply having sex. However, if two (hopefully responsible, hopefully mature [enough]) adults want to share something intimate with each other and express their feelings toward them, how can we tell them it's wrong?

I have to agree and disagree - I never had sex with anyone because I felt pressured, like I owed someone something, because I was drunk, high or otherwise impaired. A lot of my friends did. However, I certainly DID have sex with people that in retrospect were not a wise choice for one reason or another.

When I met the man I loved and intended to be with forever the subject of numbers came up (no play on words) and I had to invoke, "Don't ask, don't tell." He was a very conservative man and I have no idea what he thought, expected or, for that matter, wanted my answer to be. He knew I had been married and divorced but I kind of figured that mumbling, "Umm, one," wouldn't work - :) Likewise, I honestly didn't want to know and I didn't ask him, not once, not ever. I honestly would have been haunted by his answer, I'm sure.

I'm dating someone now who has been in a series of relationships, a lot of them sexual, and, yes, it bothers me when we run into one of his "ex's" and he's still on good terms and they chat about this and that.

I'm not easiy threatened and that's not the problem but it does make me uncomfortable that they have a history.

So I don't know. I do find when I date now that men expect sex, no question. Maybe the subject is brought up on the first date, maybe the second but always by the third. Also, men I date tell me women EXPECT them to have sex and if they don't there is a suspicion that they are gay.

I read the relationship boards and see all the pain that is out there (and, of course, I've worked matrimonial surveillances for years) and so I see all the complications that relationships, particularly those involving intimacy, can cause.

So I have mixed emotions on this topic.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-386982.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-387014.html

Just to make the point of how complicated casual sex can be.

[s_cianci]

I guess everyone has their own idea as to what "dating" means. Moral issues aside, I feel that anyone who has multiple sexual partners at the same time is a damned fool. STDs (some deadly), unintended pregnancies and the ensuing legal and economic repercussions and just the overall emotional ballast involved ought to be enough to keep people monogamous. Sure, it's OK to have multiple friends of the opposite sex when not committed to any one person in particular and to meet up with them for coffee, lunch, etc. But when it comes to sexual intimacy, monogamy is the best policy!

[DrJ]

Eh... right... wrong, Alty... who really knows anyway? :D And yes, I seem to have a bit of a problem putting a lot of thought into things heh

JKT... yeah, the subject of numbers... that's always an interesting one, isn't it? I have been asked before and I have found myself wondering before. Luckily, it has been quite a while since I have had to go there with anyone. The truth is I lost track of that number some time ago. But with that, and other things, girls now tend to understand not to ask questions they don't want to know the answer to... because, while I may not offer up certain information, when asked, I will always answer honestly.

I think part of the problem that all of us deal with is this deep-seeded illusion we carry of what or who we want. I assume it comes from all the fairy tales, romantic comedies, and other forms of fantasy stimulation we have been subjected to our entire lives. But when we expect so much, we are usually let down. Hopefully, there are stronger attractions that can hold real relationships together but if there aren't, they will quickly deteriorate from unfulfilled expectations.

Have you ever been in one of those relationships (friend, dating, romantic, etc) where the other person just seems to always be saying: you're supposed to do this.. you're supposed to say that.. Always focusing on who someone is "supposed" be and never on who they are...

If we let go of all those expectations, we would be able really see people for who they are.

People's past, their number, running into ex's, seeing your partners attraction to another... all these things can breed insecurity and jealousy if you let them. I have seen it rip good relationships apart too many times... people that seemed so right for each other but just couldn't cope with each others past.

We are all just humans.. doing whatever we thought was the best thing, or the right thing, to do at the time.

After all, if that person hadn't gone through every single thing that they had, they would not be the same person that you know today... and you may have never even met them...


Oh yeah, I wanted to comment on this...

Most men want and expect sex. If they say they don't, they are usually just saying that to get in your pants. And if they get called out on it, they will typically reply with something like, "women EXPECT [me] to have sex and if [I] don't there is a suspicion that [I am] gay." I hope you know that's completely hogwash :)

As someone who (believe it or not) actually ISN'T one of "those" guys that only wants & expects sex, a woman that would suspect I was gay because I didn't try to have sex with them right away is the kind of woman I would have gone out with only to have sex with.

[DrJ]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-386982.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-387014.html

Just to make the point of how complicated casual sex can be.

Ah yes, that is where things can be complicated. Unbalanced feelings and dishonest intentions... people using people.

[artlady]

Old Hippie here and I never saw or heard the likes of what I do now with these kids. We were into freedom but not stupidity
.
Its ridiculous.
The morning after has suddenly become the new birth control ?

You F on your first date with anyone and ewwww probably nasty seconds and many other things!

I am proud to say I do not have male whores for sons.

They respect women and always will!

Girls are out of control these days! Why are they so mean and bad bad girls.
What happened to girls just wan'a have fun? (one of Starbys favs!)
Mothers.. step up!
Teach your children well!

[Alty]

Artsy, I was a girl that just wanted to have fun, sadly that fun included sex.

Just like DrJ, I don't have a number, lost count, wouldn't want to count if I could remember them all. That's the past, it is was it is, was what it was, can't be taken back and made me who I am.

I'm actually extremely surprised that I didn't have an unwanted pregnancy or an STD, I got lucky, really lucky.

If I could go back I would do things differently, because I know what I know now. I didn't know it then, obviously. ;)

My reasons for doing the things I did differ from most people. I was punishing myself, my body, tempting fate, allowing myself to be used because I didn't think I deserved better then that. Stupid me.

Kids nowadays, they just don't understand the consequences. Heck, most of them don't even know how pregnancy occurs. Got to love the "I gave by boyfriend a blow job, could I be pregnant?" SERIOUSLY?

It's a scary world, most of these teens have no idea what they're doing and what could happen.

I really don't remember being that stupid back then. :)

[artlady]

Artsy, I was a girl that just wanted to have fun, sadly that fun included sex.

Just like DrJ, I don't have a number, lost count, wouldn't want to count if I could remember them all. That's the past, it is was it is, was what it was, can't be taken back and made me who I am.

I'm actually extremely surprised that I didn't have an unwanted pregnancy or an STD, I got lucky, really lucky.

If I could go back I would do things differently, because I know what I know now. I didn't know it then, obviously. ;)

My reasons for doing the things I did differ from most people. I was punishing myself, my body, tempting fate, allowing myself to be used because I didn't think I deserved better then that. Stupid me.

Kids nowadays, they just don't understand the consequences. Heck, most of them don't even know how pregnancy occurs. Gotta love the "I gave by boyfriend a blow job, could I be pregnant?" SERIOUSLY?

It's a scary world, most of these teens have no idea what they're doing and what could happen.

I really don't remember being that stupid back then. :)

Hay I partied pretty good back in the day but I never hurt a guy. :) That's true. :cool:

[jmjoseph]

Hay I partied pretty good back in the day but I never hurt a guy. :) Thats true. :cool:

I did too, and made sure I never hurt a girl. It was just fun, for both of us. I never "kept count". It wasn't about that, at all. We're raising our sons to respect girls, and when it comes to dating time, I can only hope they are careful, and most importantly, GENTLEMEN.

Times are different now, and STD's run rampant. A condom is never 100% effective. I remember when AIDS was first mentioned. We ( as most) viewed it as "homosexual only", then Magic Johnson was diagnosed as HIV positive.

Sex changed drastically, and condoms sales skyrocketed.

[Nopal]

Ok, I am going to have to chime in here.

I am a firm believer in "dating". I think too many of us assume that we are all just naturals when it comes to love, relationships, sex, fear, jealousy, trust, honesty, and all these other things that we never experience while waiting around for Mr or Mrs Right to come along. Then when we think we have finally found him/her, we often just dive in only to end up hurt and bitter over the whole experience.

However, if we were to approach the same situation without all the expectations... without all the pressures... without all the worry and nervousness... we might get a quicker glimpse at who that person really is and if we think they might be right for us.

I am in my early 30's. Aside from a marriage and a couple decently long[er]-terms relationships, I have always dated. I have dated a fair amount of women... and I have probably slept with most of them. However, that doesn't mean that I would just run around trying to hump anything that moves. And it doesn't mean that it was ever "just sex". I hate "just sex"... no one, dating, married, divorced, dead, or whatever should ever have "just sex".

And I definitely agree that getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex (although, it can). And I also agree that having sex with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you know them or suddenly will know them.

However, I have to say that you can never truly know anyone until you share that with them.

So why wouldn't that be part it all?

And as far as that whole "saving yourself for someone special" thing goes... what exactly are we supposed to be saving? I myself have yet to run out of sex...

Ok final thoughts... Chuck, no, I don't think that when you tell people to date you should see it as telling them to go sleep around or have sex. Dating should never imply having sex. However, if two (hopefully responsible, hopefully mature [enough]) adults want to share something intimate with each other and express their feelings toward them, how can we tell them it's wrong?

Excellent answer, but it doesn't address the most crucial part of the question, which is if it's advisable to have sex WHILE dating more than one person. True, no one should have "just sex", but when dating and/or sleeping around with more than one person, sex can hardly be anything more than simply "just sex." Unless there is some degree of exclusivity, sex is just sex.