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3 Dogs at the Vet
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, "So why are you here?"
The brown Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black Lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down. "The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked why are you here?" The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too", the dejected yellow Lab said. The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?" "I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, and fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away". The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?" The black Lab said..."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped." |
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Naughty animal jokes Big Brown Bear and Little Rabbit In the woods taking a dump next to each other The bear asks"do you have a proublem with stuff sticking to your fur?" The rabbit looks up and says "no not at all" So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his A** with him Moral:sometimes you're the bear sometimes you're the rabbit |
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A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs . |
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Ha Ha... ok A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She Says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" |
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What do blonds and a bottle of beer have in common? Have you ever noticed that both are empty from the neck up? What do you call four blonds standing in a row? A wind tunnel. How do you know that the secretary is blond even if she isn't at her desk? White Out on the computer screen. Three blonds found dead floating in the swimming pool, police detective looked around, finally filed his report: " Death by drowning, found three 'scratch and sniff' stickers on the bottom of the pool." Only a few... |
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M, I had to spread the love, but that's a good one. Okay, my turn. Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned for his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?" Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!" |
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OK , back on subject with Dog jokes... A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane When another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat. The first man looks very puzzled and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane? The second man explains that he is a Drug Squad Officer and the dog is A 'Sniffer dog'. 'His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.' The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says: Watch this.' He tells Smithy to 'search'. Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very Purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says: 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her Seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.' 'That's pretty amazing,' replies the first man. Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Labrador Sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his Seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's Arm. The agent says,'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making Note of his seat number.' 'I like it!' says his seat mate. The agent then tells Smithy to 'search' again. Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for A moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the Middle seat and proceeds to sh*t all over his lap. The first man is really amazed out by this behaviour and can't figure Out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks The agent 'What's going on?' The agent nervously replies, 'He just found a bomb!! ' |
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OMG! I love it. Beware of the Dog Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." |
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