[Arnie101]

Hey,Okay I met my Boyfriend on a chat zone we met on a date and I fell in love with him,and now I think I love him,But my conscious is bothering me.I told him I was 17 and Im actually 16,He just turned 20,2 weeks ago and now he thinks Im 17,and I want to come clean.I lied to him before and I told him and he said its okay I must just never please lie to him again.And now I did and I don't know what to do.And I don't want to lose him is Loving,Caring,Sweet he's perfect!Its going to totally break me.Help me please.

[Silverfoxkit]

You have to do the only thing you can do now - tell the truth and reap the consequences.

Will he be mad and hurt? Yes, probably. Wouldn't you? Will he forgive you? Maybe, maybe not. He will certainly have trouble trusting you but that is what happens when you deceive someone that you care about.

There is not way around it, the longer you wait the more the lie will fester. It is best to clean the closet now and hope you can repair the damage. One way or the other you cannot hide the truth forever and the longer you try the worse things will get.

[Arnie101]

Yea that's true,but okay I Don't want to lose him can't I just wait a few more weeks and let him love my then maybe hell love me 2 much to leave me?

[Silverfoxkit]

The longer you keep the truth from him the deeper it will hurt to find out he's been lied to. Every single day that you do not tell him you are lying by omission. It will hurt even more to know someone he cares about has been keeping a lie.

With things like this in a few more weeks you will be just as scared if not more so and then it will be, "I'll tell him in just a few more weeks...." and the cycle will continue. The more you keep it in the heavier it will grow on your conscious until you are overwhelmed.

It will absolutely be tough. I'm not going to kid you on that but its much better then waiting.

[Arnie101]

Hey okay sorry for bothering you again,but if I tell him now next Friday I'm sleeping over at he's flat and how should I tell him I'm really confused?

[Arnie101]

Hey,sorry for bothering you again,but okay I'm sleeping over at he's flat next Friday how and what should I tell him Im really confused just now he breaks up with me.

[Silverfoxkit]

It's no bother, I'm here to help.

If you wait to tell him until afterwords, how will that effect you? Will you be able to completely and truly enjoy yourself knowing that you are lying and that you have to tell him? Will your conscious and stress sour the stay? For me it would.

I feel you should tell him sooner rather then later, and it should be over the phone or in person. An email or a text is too impersonal for a deep personal matter.

Just tell him, look, I know I told you no more lies but I have a confession to make. I still haven't been completely honest with you and I want to make that right because I care about you and I feel awful for not telling you sooner. I'm not 17 yet. When I told you I was I thought you wouldn't like me as much for being younger, (which is why I assume you lied).

That's just some suggestions, say it from your own heart and in your own words. If there is anything else admit that to.

I understand the feeling of needing to lie about your age. I really do. I lied about my age to everyone for years when I was younger from the time I was 12. Classmates started making fun of "preteens" so I lied and got wrapped up in it for years because well if I said I was 13 last year then everyone will know if I don't say I'm 14 this year and so on until I was 16. It's a lousy web to get stuck in, I'll tell you right now. Get out before the spider bites you!!

Another thing, I don't want to lecture you but I kind of have to say it, since you are 16 and a minor you could get your boyfriend into a lot of trouble if you two do anything... currently illegal for you. This may or may not effect how he see's this lie. If you are a platonic couple then it won't be a huge problem but take great care to stay that way until you are of legal consenting age.

[Arnie101]

Thank you so much,Im going to do it.So I can't get him into trouble if we don't have sex right?Cause I isn't having sex with him.

[Fr_Chuck]

Not sure your parents or anyone ( I know I would not) believe you are not having sex if you sleep over

[Silverfoxkit]

As long as you guys don't do anything sexual at all then it should be okay, but make sure it stays that way until you are of whatever age consent is legal where you live.

Do your parents know and/or approve?

How far from 17 are you?

Come back and let me know how things went.

[Arnie101]

Is there a way I can speak only to you without everybody seeing it?

[N0help4u]

You should stay on the board here because you need to see the pros and cons and not just what you want to hear.

What do your parents say about you sleeping over his place?
What is your state law concerning age of consent?
You may go over there with every intend of not doing anything and leave having done more than you planned.
You really need to consider everything as a whole rather than bending things to your liking.

You can tell him that you were excited about turning 17 and you wanted to see how it felt to say 17. But again you need to look at the bigger picture. Are you going to continue feeling a need to lie to get what you want?
Is he going to start seeing you as a liar?
What if he wants sex and that isn't what you are ready for? What if you both want to and your state law says you are a minor?
What about your parents in all this?