[Kia]

Hi everyone; I was just looking for some outside opinions. Although I know the decision is ultimately mine. I hope to get some feedback as far as other's experience or just some general advice.

So Ive been with my boyfriend for about a year and 4-5 months. I just found out that I am pregnant. I don't make much at my job, and am looking for higher paying work, nothing has come up yet. He makes over 100,000 a year and pays about all the bills in the household. We are not married, and have basically been OK, but we were very very rocky for about 6-10 months of our relationship. It is safe to say most of it. Its only been lately that is it less, but we still bicker from time to time.
Anyway, we talked about it and he basically said it was up to me about whether I wanted to keep it , although he would rather me get pregnant and think about marriage stuff some time next year once his new business is up and running. I do understand this, I just don't want to have another abortion again. I have had 3 so far in the past. Each time it was harder to do & I felt so guilty. I just was never in the financial position to take care of it alone. I am still not now.

Although I live with my boyfriend & he said he would do his part and pay for things, he did mention what am I going to do if something happens between us. At the time I got upset, but I really don't make enough to support a child alone I don't think. Like I said we are OK, with some rough spots, but I'm just confused on what I should ultimately do.

I really don't want to go through with an abortion again & I am trying to believe that we will stay together because I do love him & I would need his financial help a lot.

I would love to hear what others think about this( single mothers feel free to chime in-). Thanks!

[mszmimi18]

Honestly, your right the choice is yours I have the same problem except we can't seem to become pregnant in sept. it will be a year we have been, but hunny if you feel you can't do it and raise your baby and instead of going through the emotional pain of an abortion why don't you try and open adoption. Have your baby adopted but at the same time have contact with that baby and visit the baby. That way your not hurting neither you or the baby, and with doing so your giving the baby a chance at life.

[twinkiedooter]

First, let me enlighten you to the fact that the boyfriend or husband will have to pay child support regardless for the child once it is here so you don't have to "raise the child" alone on just your wages. So please don't think you will be the Lone Ranger supporting the child yourself.

Secondly, if you aren't married now and he keeps putting off getting married then you will join the ever growing army of unmarried mothers. Being a single mom is never easy - ever. If you can look forward in your life say 5 years from now and somehow the b/f is not in the picture what do you think you will be doing with your life?

You didn't say how old you are.

Having had 3 procedures done already tells me that somehow you are not taking birth control measures seriously. You must make up your mind emotionally if you are ready or not to become a mother. I personally don't feel that you are ready at this time, but that is just my opinion.

I don't feel that your relationship with the present b/f seems conducive to a child in the equation. He's already talking about "what if" something happens to the relationship. Does not sound too rock solid to me.

[mszmimi18]

First, let me enlighten you to the fact that the bf or husband will have to pay child support regardless for the child once it is here so you don't have to "raise the child" alone on just your wages. So please don't think you will be the Lone Ranger supporting the child yourself.

Secondly, if you aren't married now and he keeps putting off getting married then you will join the ever growing army of unmarried mothers. Being a single mom is never easy - ever. If you can look forward in your life say 5 years from now and somehow the b/f is not in the picture what do you think you will be doing with your life?

You didn't say how old you are.

Having had 3 procedures done already tells me that somehow you are not taking birth control measures seriously. You must make up your mind emotionally if you are ready or not to become a mother. I personally don't feel that you are ready at this time, but that is just my opinion.

I don't feel that your relationship with the present b/f seems conducive to a child in the equation. He's already talking about "what if" something happens to the relationship. Does not sound too rock solid to me.

I would never kill my kid and 3 times at that... wow... thats sickning

[Synnen]

i would never kill my kid and 3 times at that....wow...thats sickning

YOU are not the OP. YOU did not have to make that decision.

Judge her when you've walked in her shoes.

To the OP: You have 3 options, and you must make the decision for yourself. You can abort, you can parent, or you can choose adoption.

The ONLY one of those that you need your boyfriend's permission for is adoption.

I suggest that you go to a Planned Parenthood (or someplace similar) and get some counseling on what your options are.

[Kia]

Yea, I got upset about that ( what if something happens between us) comment as well. He just said he was putting reality out there, not trying to imply anything. He said what if something happened to him( like physically ) as well. I am 28 & he is 37,38. He said he would be there to be responsible & help out. He's just concerned because he takes care of a lot of family in his country and takes care of the bills where we live. He said he needs help , which is why he ideally would like me to finish school & all that stuff before a baby came into the picture, and get his business up and running. He did say ultimatelyy it is up to what I want to do.

I , by the way have not been pressuring for him to marry me or anything. We didn't even have the conversation until recently

[mszmimi18]

you are not the op. You did not have to make that decision.

Judge her when you've walked in her shoes.

To the op: You have 3 options, and you must make the decision for yourself. You can abort, you can parent, or you can choose adoption.

The only one of those that you need your boyfriend's permission for is adoption.

I suggest that you go to a planned parenthood (or someplace similar) and get some counseling on what your options are.

I'm not skanky I wouldn't kill my kids didn't want them close your legs

[Justwantfair]

There is a huge risk to my knowledge and I would like some confirmation when it comes to having had multiple abortions and then finding later in life you are unable to conceive.

The choice is yours, but please consider all options, as I know you are already struggling with guilt.

Also please be smart enough that if you choose an abortion this time, that you protect yourself from ever having to make this choice again.

[Kia]

First of all Ms. Mimi. You do not know me, so do not judge me! Unless you have lived a squeaky clean life or are Jesus himself, you have no right to put me down about my life decisions! Lets do an investigation into your life and I'm sure you have done some SKANKY things.

This is a board to ask for advice about a particular subject & question and get advice. The question & subject WAS NOT what do you think about having 3 abortions. So stick to the f%$ing topic or leave this thread.

Better yet.. why don't you leave I no longer have need for your advice OR opinions anymore , THANK YOU!

[J_9]

There is a huge risk to my knowledge and I would like some confirmation when it comes to having had multiple abortions and then finding later in life you are unable to conceive.

Medically speaking, multiple abortions do not make it hard to conceive per se, but hard to carry a baby to term. An abortion should never be used as a form of contraception. If a woman does not want to become pregnant there are methods to assist in this happening without using abortion.

[JudyKayTee]

im not skanky i wouldnt kill my kids didnt want them close your legs

What do skanky and pregnant have to do with each other in your world?

[J_9]

What do skanky and pregnant have to do with each other in your world?

Judy, don't feed the trolls. :p;)

[JudyKayTee]

Judy, don't feed the trolls. :p;)

Sorry - didn't see the classification.

Zippering my lips and fingers.

[Alty]

Kia, I understand how hard it is to financially care for a child. I will tell you what my mother told me when I was thinking of waiting to get pregnant.

"if you waited until you were financially ready in every way, you'd be too old to have kids".

Not saying that you should or shouldn't, that's your choice, only you know whether this is right for you or not.

Do remember that there are options other then abortion. Not that adoption is a decision to make lightly, it can be just as hard, if not harder, then abortion.

Do talk to someone about this, whatever you choose is up to you and your boyfriend.

Good luck.