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iimagery · Aug 6, 2009, 08:16 PM

So my husband, yes husband does not want to have sex. He insists that he is in love with me. Would do anything for me, but he complains worse than a woman most all the time, and he would rather materbate than have sex with me. We have been married for almost a year. We have one child. Its always something... he's tired, sick, sore, etc... the list goes on and on. So in our nearly one year being married, we have had sex once! I just don't see how that is possible. I am absolutely sure he is not cheating on me. I monitor everything... but there's nothing to monitor. I can't play with him and get him excited. He's not really into oral. He doesn't like much of anything, but still insists he really loves me and not having sex doesn't mean he doesn't love me. I feel like I am in a relationship of 60yr olds that probably are having a better time. Is it me or him? We are both attractive people. Neither one is hard to look at... but that doesn't even matter! Love is in the eye of the beholder. So.. I don't know if I can stay in this kind of relationship. What can I do? I thought that only women acted like this, but not even to the extent of one time a year! Any advise?

zippit · Aug 6, 2009, 08:28 PM

Sometime after a child is born the guy see's the girl in a motherly image and he's more interested in you being a good mom than anything else ,however once out of the year and choosing masturbation sounds extreme 'but can still be an extreme rut that can be broke with time and hard work .if he's open to talking about the masturbation I don't see why you couldn't ask him to save it maybe pick a date night if you have someone that you trust with the baby and get some couple time in.
I heard it put this way once
When you start and are in love you have

This full bowl of bond and love you can take

From it but you have to deposit into it as well

What you guys have been doing is just taking

Little bits at a time well now its empty or low

Anyway ,so you need to take some time to

Refill

Justwantfair · Aug 6, 2009, 08:30 PM

What was your sex life prior to marriage?

Fr_Chuck · Aug 6, 2009, 08:32 PM

Did this change shortly after the child?

iimagery · Aug 6, 2009, 09:50 PM

Well our sex life was 1 or 2 times per week. It was fine as far as I was concerned. Or child is 3 now and we were married last November. It didn't have anything to do with having a child as far as I can tell. I think that I have no idea what to think except that there is no emotional attachment.

zippit · Aug 6, 2009, 09:52 PM

What did you think of my idea?
Or do you think your beyond that?

Gemini54 · Aug 6, 2009, 11:35 PM

It may be that you need to visit your doctor for him to have a check up. Have you ruled out any physical problems, medication, low testosterone?

If he insists that he loves you then it can't be emotional disconnection. It sounds like (sorry, but this is so obvious), sexual disconnection and/or a complete loss of libido.

The loss of libido seems to be related to the marriage - you did state that you have been married for a year and this has been going on for 12 months.

Does he want to stay in the marriage? If he does then I suggest he needs to find the reason for his lack of desire and to work on getting it back. Being tired, sore, sick, etc, and having sex once a year is not sustainable and demonstrates an alarming lack of respect and sensitivity to your needs.

Perhaps you can also speak to your doctor about a referral to a marriage counselor as it looks like you need to take the lead on this issue.