[what 2 do]

My daughter is 15-years old and lives alone with me in Florida. My mom lives down here as well and is very good to my daughter. My daughter is extremely profane towards me and does on occasion raise her hands. I have gone to counseling before and it had helped me. However; my daughter did not join me and she desperately needs to talk and confide in someone.

I am losing it and find I don't even want to go home after work, or live in my own house it has become so intolerable.

My daughter's grades are as atrocious as her mouth and she does not take or allow me to take care of her medically dentally or mentally. She does not help at all around the house and is destructive and inconsiderate. I am clearly at the end of my rope. I have very few friends in Florida. I have contacted the facility where I went for Help in hopes of resuming.

I need some input and feedback on how to deal with the stress of my daughter and my living scenario.

Thanks,
What 2 do... :eek:

[HelpinHere]

My daughter's grades are as atrocious as her mouth

Daughter: F--- Math!
Math Grade: F
Daughter: F--- Science!
Science Grade: F
Daughter: I hate D--- PE!
PE Grade: D
Something like that? Lol

Well, how exactly does she make it unbearable for you to live in your own house?
It's your house. You should be the master of your own domain.

It's time for you to start giving tough love. Take away her cell phone. Don't let her go out. Cut off her internet access. Turn off her phone line. Whatever she revels in, take it away.

At that age, most teenagers think they know everything, and can do anything they want. By letting her, you are only worsening her bad behaivor.

[Torrid13]

What's that song by the Ramones?

"Beat the Brat?"

I think you need to put your foot down & show your daughter You're the boss, and it's YOUR house, which means YOUR RULES!

She either follows the rules... or you'll send her to a military school. :)

DO IT!

[dirty harry]

I think both of you have problem
You have a very low self esteem and she is wild as all teens are but she is over the line.
So first you have to take control of your life
You said you have few friends I think you don't go out very much.
Its your house and you should be the master like other people said try to be tough.
And for you have some fun in your life I think it is missing in your life
Take care

[dipti jain]

Answer a few questions to yourself:-

It is necessary to be strict. But, does u think making her miserable will work?

Why she feels insecure and alone?

Why she is trying to protect herself, when her father is there to take care of her?

What is the reason that, your picture of a "perfect father" is shattered?

You are at the end of your rope, but, what about how she feels?

I think she is more frustrated than you are. She is doing it all to irritate you and get your attention.

Just find out link between you two, which definitely exist. Do things of her interest. Initially she will get irritated and make u feel irritated. But, remember she is your daughter and keep on doing them. She will feel that, u care for her and love her.

[zippit]

I read this post when it first came up and held back I wanted to see the replies it got.
I'm not surprised what I'm reading.
My step-sister was going through hard times with my mom,my mom couldn't handle her and asked my uncle to step in well he cracked the wip causing my sister to run away wich led to her by abducted and killed.I know this was a tragedy and not everyone will end this way but if you crack down on an unruly 15 yr old she's only going to rebel and get worse,there's too much out there for them to run to they think it will make them happy.im still not sure what advise to give but you better be ready for the consequences

[artlady]

Below is a resource link site for free and paid programs for troubled teens in Florida.

If you are being verbally abused and are concerned for your physical safety,then she is committing a crime.

Since she appears to have no fear of you ,you need to tell her you are giving her a week to change (be specific about what you expect) and if she does not get the authorities involved.

It is called tough love and it just may save her life.

If she is heading down a dangerous path and has no respect for authority(beyond what is normal teen angst) she needs to be put in check.

Family Help in Florida

[what 2 do]

Thank you all for your comments.

[HelpinHere]

Few comments, zippit.

my step-sister was going through hard times with my mom,my mom couldn't handle her and asked my uncle to step in well he cracked the wip causing my sister to run away

Well, this should never happen. It's the parents' responsibility to raise their kid well enough so they don't have to have uncle Ron step in with his I-Ron whip. If they start discipline at a young age, then it is much easier and safer to enforce when the kids are more grown.

there's too much out there for them to run to they think it will make them happy

No. The fact of the matter is, there is nothing out there for them to run away to. Kids hear stories and rumors, television, movies, it all is lies about what the real world is like. Then, they run, find that it is nothing like it seemed in that fantasy world of theirs, find comfort in a good soul, and sometimes it turns out that good soul is actually a manipulative shade of a person planning on taking them away to do [insert vulger comment here].
Still, this could be prevented by the parents. Not letting them have free reign at a young age is one thing, but not coddling them; telling them what the world is really like so they know better. Better to scare them than to lose them.

[zippit]

Well thank you for the post
I didn't mean to scare away ANY tough love approach at the same time think about how many changes you went through from 15 to 16 to 17 I think just holding out while not letting her just run all over you could work.
Is there any way you could grab her up and take her on a all day or overnight trip somewhere that would give you a chance to bond and talk with distractions you could call a relative let them know you're coming for a short visit or just get a cheap room in a scenic area and go there?

[zippit]

I'm not going to reply but your wrong

[what 2 do]

Believe it or not I was just looking into that... Perhaps a motel on the beach over Labor Day weekend, we did that once before and it was nice.

Unfortunately; part of our problem is we have absolutely no family. Mainly deceased.

[Torrid13]

Military skool!

[what 2 do]

I was actually considering a motel on the beach over Labor Day weekend. We did this once before and it was very nice. We just did Epcot in April for my birthday and we really, really had a great time. Laughed a lot, so it is possible, maybe Orlando would be a better idea.

[what 2 do]

Military school and boot camps are not necessarily the answer. The discipline needs to come from me not the school

[Torrid13]

At this point, your daughter's "feelings" about things are void. She needs to learn respect, and I'm sorry, but the chances of you being able to teach her discipline at this point are slim.

She knows you'll put up with it, because well, you have been for a long time.

Taking her to a beach isn't going to fix the problem. You need to either get the authorities, like Artlady said, or do something, because trying to make her "feel good" about herself after the way she acts is not going to do squat.

Bottom line: your methods aren't working. Sorry to sound harsh, but it's time to bring out the big guns, not the water guns.

[HelpinHere]

im not going to reply but your wrong

Is this aimed at me? Could you please tell me how I am wrong?
Anyway, you did reply telling your opinion.

Military school and boot camps are not necessarily the answer. The discipline needs to come from me not the school

Exactly! Not enough parents realize that!
Can I ask, has your daughter always lived with you?

[what 2 do]

Always - I have been a single parent all of my daughter's life - my husband passed when she was very young.

[artlady]

well thank you for the post
I didnt mean to scare away ANY tough love approach at the same time think about how many changes you went through from 15 to 16 to 17 I think just holding out while not letting her just run all over you could work.
is there any way you could grab her up and take her on a all day or overnight trip somewhere that would give you a chance to bond and talk with distractions you could call a relative let them know youre coming for a short visit or just get a cheap room in a scenic area and go there??

I think that is an excellent idea.I suspect Mom has tried just about everything.Thats what we do.
I was and am very close to my sons but that did not stop my youngest from being a little hell raiser and out of control when he was a teen.Some of it you do anticipate and just have to struggle through,I totally agree, but verbal abuse and the threat of physical abuse it NOT an option.
All the loving and connecting sometimes is just not enough and you have to bring in a third party to be the voice of calm and reason.
I am very sorry for the tragedy that your family had to live through.

[zippit]

Is this aimed at me? Could you please tell me how I am wrong?
Anyway, you did reply telling your opinion.



Exactly! Not enough parents realize that!
Can I ask, has your daughter always lived with you?

I really don't want to hijack this post debate,its obvious my ideas are conecting