[serbear]

It has been 3 years since we first set eyes on each other, at the start everything was great! Moved in together started saving for the future and even talked about how many kids we were going to have.
We then thought it would be the right time to get engaged and start our new lives together.
4 years on now and I am having second thoughts as I don't believe I am in love with him anymore.
I not only hate going home but can't seem to find myself wanting sex with him anymore! He is really obsessive, always looking through my phone, asking me every hour "whats wrong". I have never been unfaithfull and to him thinking I might be really hurts. I don't drive (im 27) due to medical reasons so its hard for me to get away when I need "a break". I know if I end our engagement I will not only break his heart but my family would be really disappointed.
I feel I can't explain my feelings because he would beg me to stay and crying will only make me feel worse.
What my question is: Should I just bite the bullet (so to speak) and tell him how I feel and hope something changes? Or should I end it now before its to late?

[destiny12296]

Try talking to him first and than if something goes wrong go for a divorce.:)

[serbear]

Thanks destiny, were aren't married yet! Ill try talking :)

[taoplr]

Tell him and immediately schedule couples counseling with him. If you are truly done, it will come out in a therapy setting with the support of a professional, and in the best possible way. If you had health changes, are bored, are having trouble settling down, you can resolve all that. You owe both him and you that much.

The "what's wrong" pattern is a living hell, like living with a ghost. Tell him.


Tao

[HelpinHere]

All I have to add, is if you 100% for sure do not love him, then do not marry him. It will be a mistake, for both of you.

[emerylynnlove]

You do what you feel you need to do, you can't make yourself fall in love but before you walk out try thinking back to what it was that you did fall in love with him for and then remember some of the things you use to do together and redo them, figure out what it is that makes you not want to be with him anymore and as far as sex try spicing things up go buy some toys, lotions, oils anything that looks fun to you and try it then see how things go if none of that works then its better to end it then get married and be unhappy

[makapuu]

People get married for all kinds of reasons. You need to figure out why you want to get married. I've started a list for you:

GET MARRIED because:
I don't want to disappoint my family
I don't want to break his heart

DON'T GET MARRIED because:
I don't believe I am in love with him anymore
I hate going home because I don't want to have sex with him
He's really obsessive

Your reasons for wanting to stay engaged are based on what other people might be thinking. You don't know that for sure, so you could be wrong. It sounds like you really don't want to get married to this person, but you don't want to break up either.

[jmjoseph]

It has been 3 years since we first set eyes on each other, at the start everything was great! Moved in together started saving for the future and even talked about how many kids we were going to have.
We then thought it would be the right time to get engaged and start our new lives together.
4 years on now and I am having second thoughts as I dont believe I am in love with him anymore.
I not only hate going home but can't seem to find myself wanting sex with him anymore!! He is really obsessive, always looking through my phone, asking me every hour "whats wrong". I have never been unfaithfull and to him thinking I might be really hurts. I dont drive (im 27) due to medical reasons so its hard for me to get away when I need "a break". I know if I end our engagement I will not only break his heart but my family would be really disappointed.
I feel i can't explain my feelings because he would beg me to stay and crying will only make me feel worse.
What my question is: Should I just bite the bullet (so to speak) and tell him how I feel and hope something changes? Or should I end it now before its to late?

Do not get married. At the least, postpone. This is a life changing event. Don't make a huge mistake. Good luck.

[Jake2008]

This may be a blessing in disguise, and a situation that, if you ignore, will leave you miserable.

You realize you don't love him. That is your call, and only your call. While your family, and he will be upset, maybe even angry, disappointed, and confused, that will pass. You are all adults here.

It may be time to have time on your own place, and some distance from him until you are sure of what you want to do. To stay with someone you do not love, and no longer wish to be married to for the next 50+ years, is just prolonging the inevitable. It is also not fair to him, because he is hanging on hope that you will be together forever.

The bottom line here is, this is your life. If there is no future and love in the picture, it is time to move on.

[talaniman]

Doesn't sound like your ready for marriage. Not to him any way. Tell him the truth and take some time for yourself. If you can't resolve the issues you have now, marriage won't help at all.

[inertia]

Just to give her some food for thought in this process.

You act insulted that he thinks you are cheating, but you won't touch him and he can probably sense your resentment for him. I'll bet he's asking his friends "what are the signs someone is cheating?"

This emotional distancing crap looks like cheating on the other side of it. Now, I'm not saying you should stay with him, but don't get angry when he can't properly read your mind.

Does he ask if you want to break up? I bet he does. What's your answer? Is it something like "I don't feel like talking about it".

I think you are less worried about hurting him (because you already are) and more worried about him hating you. Well, that's the name of the game. When you dump someone, they get to hate you. It won't be easy, but it never is.

You owe him an honest dialogue. Yes he will probably argue and beg, maybe even call you names. In a way, it's your fault for not being open with how you have been feeling. So it will be somewhat of a shock and he will act irrationally.

Learn from this and in the future, communicate (even if it hurts your partner).

[Dornraben]

Just to give her some food for thought in this process.

You act insulted that he thinks you are cheating, but you won't touch him and he can probably sense your resentment for him. I'll bet he's asking his friends "what are the signs someone is cheating?"

This emotional distancing crap looks like cheating on the other side of it. Now, I'm not saying you should stay with him, but don't get angry when he can't properly read your mind.

Does he ask if you want to break up? I bet he does. What's your answer? Is it something like "I don't feel like talking about it".

I think you are less worried about hurting him (because you already are) and more worried about him hating you. Well, that's the name of the game. When you dump someone, they get to hate you. It won't be easy, but it never is.

You owe him an honest dialogue. Yes he will probably argue and beg, maybe even call you names. In a way, it's your fault for not being open with how you have been feeling. So it will be somewhat of a shock and he will act irrationally.

Learn from this and in the future, communicate (even if it hurts your partner).

I wish my g/f had read this post a few months ago! I'd be interested to find out what happened to your story, serbear...