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lazzyboyy313 · Jul 31, 2009, 01:34 AM

I don't know if this fits under this forum listing but I've been wondering about this for a while now as the dreams have become more frequent. Anytime I have a dream (that I can remember in the morning) it's about my ex. I'm currently with someone else and I'm very happy with her. I haven't spoken to my ex in since the beginning of the year except for when I met up with her to sort of patch up the way things ended... long story I'll spare you all. So the point of this is why do I keep dreaming of my ex? People have said your dreams speak your subconscious thoughts so some input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Chey5782 · Jul 31, 2009, 01:46 AM

Welcome to the fabulous world of your subconscious. How frequent are these dreams? What do you dream about that involved her? Activities? Nocturnal activities? Talking?

I wouldn't read too much into this. But I would try to be aware of when you think about her. Are you comparing your current to your ex a lot? Do you feel like you left things unresolved? Unresolved feelings can stir back up in dreams, so can subconscious desires. Then again dreams like this could mean nothing and it recurs now because you are starting to over-think it.

Torrid13 · Jul 31, 2009, 01:59 AM

I have dreams about my ex a lot, too. It bothers me a lot. But I'm still recovering from him crushing mai SOUL! So I guess it's normal coping processes for me.

Strange. >.>

Chey5782 · Jul 31, 2009, 02:03 AM

Torrid, just say the word and I will crush his soul for you!

What I meant was,yeah dude, what she said. It's pretty normal. I still occasionally torture myself with dreams about my ex, who was a rotten jerk. I try to not think about why, especially because I have no desire to speak to him ever again. It was THAT bad.

tedola · Jul 31, 2009, 02:54 AM

The mind does work in mysterious ways. The dreams are your minds way of working through what has happened. Since you have no direct access to your subconcious mind it has to do things in its own ways. Most likely and regularly dreams are its solution. I too still dream of my ex they can vary quite regularly from talking to her making love to her to beating seven shades out of her. The reason for this is that your mind is trying to go through all the spectrum of emotions you felt when around that person or what you felt when that person left. The best description I can think of is your brain is expelling what your subconcious has stored away about the person. Its different for everyone but they do become less frequent!
Hope that helps.

lazzyboyy313 · Aug 1, 2009, 04:08 AM

All the dreams I have are of good, happy times... never about negative things. I would say in the past month or so I've had 5-10 dreams involving her in some way most recently 4 nights in a straight. I wouldn't say I've compared her to my current girlfriend but it has crossed my mind a few times. My ex was my first true girlfriend and someone I fell in love with. With my current girlfriend I'm definitely going very slow and making sure I don't set myself up for another heartbreak but that's where any comparison ends. I think no matter what I will always have my ex in my mind somewhere because I felt so deeply about her. Like torrid said above, I have no desire to get back with her because we have both changed and are on different wavelengths so to speak. Thanks for the responses and I look forward to more

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 1, 2010, 11:33 PM

So I stumbled back on this site after a long break. I am still having these dreams and it's been well over a year since I've been no contact with my ex. Wondering if this is going to happen forever? And is there any real way to keep me from having dreams with my ex in them?

amicon · Mar 2, 2010, 12:59 AM

You can't control your dreams,but you can accept them for what they are,dreams,then get on with your day

I guess we all dream of our exes occasionally,but ,to me,that's no big deal.

Larken85 · Mar 2, 2010, 05:31 AM

Have a feeling dynocompe is right on this one. The only time I ever dream of an ex and or my current girlfriend is when I am sexually frustrated. However it is not always about sex, just the person I related to sex in the past. Should try releasing stress.
Speaking of stress it could be stress that is doing this to you. The stress from the break up probably built up behind a wall you mentally built to protect your heart. Now that the new girlfriend is in the picture and you are relaxing a bit from it the wall is slowly shrinking and thus the thoughts behind it are spilling over. It is not hard to creat a mental blocking system and a lot of us do it without thinking about it.
Slightly different theory, you may subconscienciously relate all love to you ex and you are starting to have real feelings for your new girlfriend, meaning that your feelings are reacting in your sub-con just like they used to in the old girlfriend and thus the dreams are very similar to the thoughts you used to have about her. Once in dream state (REM) we lose most control over our thoughts, the only thing we can control in our dreams is how we react in them to the situation at hand (thats if you can control it when it happens. I've noticed that at times I can and other times I can't. Reason for this is you are literally unconscience.) Controlling what you dream about is impossible and I wouldn't stress over it unless they were particularly disturbing dreams of murder or something to the effect.
As to what to do about them... I have no clue. You can get your dreams analized but I don't really believe in all that mumbo jumbo. There is also talking to a therapist and/or depression expert. Maybe you have some symptoms of depression and you're not even aware of them. Also different medications can force odd dreams.
Hope you figure it out, sleep well, and good day

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:23 AM

I don't think it has to do with sexual frustration. I do dream about sex, but it's with my current girlfriend or a complete stranger. I'm just curious because I've been broken up with my ex for over a year and have been going out with my current girlfriend for almost 9 months. Probably memories that I buried in my head. Thanks for the comments, I really appreciate it.

lazzyboyy313 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:38 AM

I was wondering why they still persist. When I read the subconscious part, that's what I was referring to when I said "it's probably memories buried my head" I asked and got a reasonable answer.

AmericanGirl01 · Mar 3, 2010, 10:21 AM

When you cared about someone, that always stays with you on some level for the rest of your life. And your subconscious has been playing puppeteer with those buried emotions.

Essentially it's just a reminder that she was, is, and always will be a part of who you are and who you're going to be. You would be a different person without her imprint.

That doesn't mean though that you're still hung up on her. It's not a sign. It's not an obsession. It's just a fond or not-so-fond look backwards at where you've been. Every now and then I dream of my ex. Sometimes in those dreams we're still together (and I'm happily in a relationship right now). I just file it away with a brief smile and realize that dreams are just like photo albums.

AmericanGirl01 · Mar 3, 2010, 03:01 PM

I don't think he's dreaming about his ex because he isn't masturbating before bed. The OP hasn't mentioned that he is stressed.

Dreams are just dreams.

AmericanGirl01 · Mar 3, 2010, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by this8384

And once again, that wasn't their question. They didn't say that they had a problem with sleeping, they said they were dreaming of their ex.

You are something :)

I agree... I feel like this has veered so far off track! Why is the focus around masterbating now? :confused:

this8384 · Mar 3, 2010, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by AmericanGirl01

I agree...I feel like this has veered so far off track! Why is the focus around masterbating now? :confused:

This is typical behavior for dynocompe. He argues incessantly, gives reddies without valid reasons... yesterday, he went so far as to create an additional username just to agree with himself and keep arguing with me, pretending he was someone else.