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passmeby · Jul 30, 2009, 10:51 AM

Hello. My husband is a dog person, I HATE dogs... (HATE!! ).

He wants a dog and won't shut up about it, I DO NOT want a dog. I am not willing to take on the responsibilities... I know what it's like to have to care for a puppy/dog... he does not. He couldn't take care of a goldfish, if that gives you a clue.

There is no way to compromise this issue, obviously. If we had a dog, I would be forced to take on a huge burden AND live with something I find just plain disgusting. Dogs are a huge responsibility, he just doesn't "get" that. And if we got a dog, I would be the one who would have to take on the majority of the responsibility.

What can I say to him to get it through his head? I'm sick of arguing about it. Whenever I say "No, I am not willing to take on a dog", he plays it as if I'm punishing him and the kids by keeping them from having a dog. He knew well before we were married that I HATED dogs, so no surprise there.

Unknown008 · Jul 30, 2009, 11:10 AM

I would be most keen to know why you feel so much hatred for dogs... is it because of past experience? I have known people who hated dogs... but with time, they got used to dogs, and even became dog lovers. I'm just saying that not all dogs are the same, if ever one did hurt you. You should try living with a dog. I'm not saying you should have a dog, but for example, you can try visiting friends who have (a) dog(s) and try knowing more about them, how they usually behave etc. Give it a try, that cannot hurt. :)

epawls · Jul 30, 2009, 11:20 AM

What I would suggest is taking on the task of dog ownership for a while. You can do so by fostering a dog for a period. Bring it up that you are willing to "try" out the possibility of a dog. You can foster dogs at about any shelter. Let him know that the fostered dog is his responsibility.

If, after a few weeks goes by, he is still on top of the tasks involved with dog ownership and proves to be a good pet owner, you may reconsider your stance of getting a dog based on his lack of caretaking.

Make sure you go to the vet for a visit... let him see what that costs per visit... make sure he is keeping up on walks and grooming... try to do this without being too overbearing though.

Fostering will get the dog out of the kennel for a while and is a temporary solution and can prove his intent for being a good "parent". I have fostered numerous dogs and had good ones and bad ones... it tests your patience and it is a good way to see if you can handle the pressures of dog ownership. If it doesn't work out for any reason, you can return the dog. If he proves himself a good "parent", you may want to consider his point of view.

Either way, you have helped a dog in need... by either providing them with a good temporary home... or by deciding to permanently adopting it.

passmeby · Jul 30, 2009, 11:24 AM

Why do I hate dogs? Um, well... it's deep. And believe it or not, it's gotten more intense with time. It's not going away, trust me.

I've lived with dogs before, hated it. Absolutely HATED IT!! My parents always had dogs, they forced me to care for them a lot. Not only did I care for them a lot, but I lived with them, their nasty smell, their hair everywhere, annoying habits like chewing and barking... I cannot tolerate it.

We have 2 little kids... I have enough responsibilities.

And once my kids grow a bit more, I am looking forward to a time with less responsibility... not MORE. I am finally getting some of my freedoms back since having crawling babies, then curious toddlers, and so on... I want to ENJOY IT!!

Unknown008 · Jul 30, 2009, 11:29 AM

Oh, if your children are really young, then you may wait some more time. But if your hubby is willing to care for it, I mean, take all the responsibility (do the bathing, cleaning when necessary, etc), you could let him.

Clean dogs do not smell bad... :confused: And a well trained dog will behave...

passmeby · Jul 30, 2009, 11:30 AM

epawls, I am not willing to live with a dog. My house is too small, and I don't want a dog in my house, period. I like my house to be clean, and an animal makes it NOT clean to me. Sorry, I just have zero tolerance.

Also, what do you propose I do when he is at work full-time? That is part of why I say that I will be the one taking on a majority of the responsibility. Because he is gone most of the day! So... therefore... I would have to potty-train it and take it outside (gross), feed it and stuff, and BABYSIT it... and not to mention deal with the smell and annoyance of it regardless of if he is home or not... so when it barks at 2 AM or chews up MY shoe, how can I ignore that or look [past it?

Look, I am just NOT willing at all to live with a dog, period.

LOL, ALL dogs stink to me!

My parents fostered many puppies for a blind organization, so I got to experience a quite intense training! Of course, the whole family had to participate in the training, because of specific words that were used at certain times and because of strict rules regarding what the dog was/wasn't allowed to do.

Just Dahlia · Jul 30, 2009, 11:38 AM

Maybe you should post something in the marriage area instead of dog, since it sounds like you are not going to budge on this.

Something like "My husband is pushing for the 'Deal Breaker' and it's too late to break the deal, we have children, What do I do?"

Justwantfair · Jul 30, 2009, 11:40 AM

Passerby...

Just so you know you are not alone. My partner is like you, refuses them, not because of the responsibility but because of the OCD things, slobber, hair, smell, licking.

I am your hubby.

You are right there is not a compromise. Our house is not allowed animals and it does hurt me, but this is a battle he wins that breaks my heart.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 30, 2009, 12:00 PM

Hold your ground... I gave in and have suffered from doggie hell. I already had 1 dog when I met my hubby, then he had it in his mind about puppies. I agreed to look , but not buy. He took a look at this one pup and he had to have it. We put down a deposit on him, but I changed my mind and told him no... he threatened divorce we did not get him... needless to say divorce would have been better. He is a money pit, sick all the time, naughty, troublemaker, can't go on a vacation without him, gets in the way or loving hubby, and has yet to ever kiss me (the dog)! The puppy is almost 8 years old!

epawls · Jul 30, 2009, 12:03 PM

Ok then... we can shift gears then... you are dead set on not having one... and he is just aching for one...

Well, I have learned that if something I want to introduce into my home has any kind of effect on the person I live with, the decision must be unanimous. If you both cannot agree on whether to get a dog (or whatever the stimulus is), then one of you is disregarding the feelings and emotions of the other. This is a huge red flag.

Explain to him that this type of decision has an effect on the both of you, thus you must both agree. I have found that it is better to avoid saying no, closing the subject and giving no consideration to the matter. Let him know that now is not the right time for you to assume parenthood of a dog. Let him know that you may not always feel this way, but you are making no promises of changing your mind. This allows you to say "no" without actually saying it. This attempt would satisfy most people.

In the future, who knows, your hatred toward dog ownership may change and you may, with some great timing and planning, get him an awesome birthday, holiday or anniversary gift some day that you can both enjoy... but only when you are both ready!1`

passmeby · Jul 30, 2009, 12:24 PM

Well, I debated on putting it in the marriage section or here... I really just tossed a coin! On one hand, the marriage section seemed right because it is somewhat of a marital problem, but on the other hand it's a pet thing because much of what I want to convey to him relates to the fact that dogs are a HUGE responsibility in many ways (care, financial, liability... etc... ) so people in the dog section would certainly know all about that!

It's not that I don't like animals at all... I grew up on a farm, I worked alll day with animals. I love cats, I had a cat... but I had to get rid of it because it began making a mess in the house. Something psychological, I think, it just began refusing to use it's box properly.

I try to see it from his point, but it always comes back to the fact that I will be forced to care for the thing when he is gone at work and also let it live in my house (and EVERYTHING that comes with having a dog in the house), that's HUGE on my end.

I'd just ignore him but it's hard when he attacks me on the issue and makes me defend myself. Whenever he sees an ad for a free puppy or whatever, we have to rehash the whole thing... I'm sick of it.

Alty · Jul 30, 2009, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by passmeby

epawls, I am not willing to live with a dog. My house is too small, and I don't want a dog in my house, period. I like my house to be clean, and an animal makes it NOT clean to me. Sorry, I just have zero tolerance.

Also, what do you propose I do when he is at work full-time? That is part of why I say that I will be the one taking on a majority of the responsibility. Because he is gone most of the day!! So.....therefore....I would have to potty-train it and take it outside (gross), feed it and stuff, and BABYSIT it....and not to mention deal with the smell and annoyance of it regardless of if he is home or not.....so when it barks at 2 AM or chews up MY shoe, how can I ignore that or look [past it?

Look, I am just NOT willing at all to live with a dog, period.

LOL, ALL dogs stink to me!!

My parents fostered many puppies for a blind organization, so I got to experience a quite intense training!! Of course, the whole family had to participate in the training, because of specific words that were used at certain times and because of strict rules regarding what the dog was/wasn't allowed to do.

I have to wonder why your husband is so intent on getting a dog when you're so adamant about not getting one.

Does he not care?

Why is he pushing this issue?

There has to be a compromise. Why not tell him to volunteer at the humane society? They are always looking for dog walkers, people to clean the cages, socialize with the dogs. He can have his dog fix and you can remain dog free.

I have three dogs, I love it. Yes, there can be mess, but it's easily dealt with. Still I understand that not all people can love a pet, love a dog. I don't understand it, but I can accept it.

Just tell him what you've told us. You cannot get a dog unless everyone's on board, only the dogs will suffer.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 30, 2009, 01:02 PM

Don't get me wrong... I like dogs, just not this one, maybe because I never truly wanted him!

tickle · Jul 30, 2009, 01:14 PM

Unk, I sort of agree with passmeby. The person wanting the dog always renegs on caring. The person in the household who makes most of the decisions usually get to do the feeding, cleaning, washing and walking.

If passmeby doesn't like dogs, then she doesn't like dogs, that's all there is too it. I respect that. She knows her hub by better then we do.

Tick

JudyKayTee · Jul 30, 2009, 01:20 PM

This is another example where reading past threads helps make this particular issue more clear than it would appear to be.

It is not fair to either the person or the dog if the dog hates the person or the person hates the dog.

So don't get a dog. And if this has turned into a major problem in your marriage, go to counselling.

I never understand hatred of an animal, particular a species, but it is apparent from the responses on this thread that it does happen.

So don't have that particular pet.

HelpinHere · Jul 30, 2009, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by passmeby

He wants a dog and won't shut up about it, I DO NOT want a dog. I am not willing to take on the responsibilities....I know what it's like to have to care for a puppy/dog...he does not. He couldn't take care of a goldfish, if that gives you a clue.

So, why don't you compromise? Marriage is all about compromise. If you can't both work things out, its more like a mother-son/father-daughter relationship, where you live together but one makes all the decisions... (Don't even start! You know who you are.)

Here's an idea:
I say, make him a deal. Get him a goldfish. If he can take care of it, by himself, for an agreed upon time (say 3 months?) then get him a guinea pig, and if he can take care of that, by himself, then think about the dog. For the safety of the animals, if he can't take care of them, don't let them go, take them back to the store. :)

Good luck with this.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 30, 2009, 01:44 PM

We tried that idea... it is a good one. But now beside the lovely java, "mad" max we have 2 birds, tons of fish, hermit crabs.

Silverfoxkit · Jul 30, 2009, 03:43 PM

Personally I can handle a whole pack of dogs but keep a goldfish alive for a few weeks? Unlikely. I'm not terribly good with fish.

Rodents such as guinea pigs can also be a mess and require constant cleaning and the OP clearly does not want a pet that causes significant changes or smells.

Keeping this in mind I would suggest looking into something a bit more low key, yet unsmelly like perhaps hermit crabs or possibly something like a gecko.

I own a Leopard gecko and not only does it not smell and requires little cage cleaning, it only needs to eat a few times a week. Gentle and quiet it's a real winner in my book.

HelpinHere · Jul 30, 2009, 04:01 PM

True, however, I was just trying to give an idea. It wasn't like "if you don't use these animals it won't work" type of thing.

I suggested Goldfish because it's what the OP mentioned. I suggested a Guinea because all of the reasons you said. If the husband can handle all of that without his wife's intervention, it relates more to handling a dog than, say, a leopard gecko. :)
I love geckos though!

Silverfoxkit · Jul 30, 2009, 04:12 PM

Your suggestions weren't bad and handling a gecko is a far stretch from a dog like you said. In my experience though I've had an easier time taking care of adult, house trained dogs then keeping on top of Guinea Pigs or similar pets. They use the bathroom a lot more and I've always had the problem with them kicking bedding all over the place. It just worries me that if the husband does not absolutely stay on the ball 24/7 then it will only make the OP even less willing to consider trying a dog in the future.