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rani21 · Jul 29, 2009, 03:53 AM

Hello

I just want to ask that is friendship is possible with the same guy whom you love very deeply... for last few months I have tried a lot but my feelings for him remain the same like whatever I do for him is just bcoz I still love him... from his side he has no problem.. he always treat me as a good friend but I feel its better for me to leave him... atleast wo to khush rahen...

chetatkinsLA · Jul 29, 2009, 04:02 AM

It´s debatable, but I think it´s not possible. Try as hard as you can.. but if you have feelings for somebody... friendship isn´t an option, In my opinion.

rani21 · Jul 29, 2009, 04:53 AM

Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

It´s debatable, but I think it´s not possible. Try as hard as you can..but if you have feelings for somebody...friendship isn´t an option, IMHO.

You... its a very difficult situation for me... I want to with him for whole life but now he is engaged with someone else... in my heart I have lots of anger for him that he never try to understand my feelings and in mean while get engage with another girl... these feelings are killing me... for last three years I am in a situation that can't be described in words... why god has done this to me... why he came into my life if this will be the end... u know one thing he was the first who realise me that I love him... but now he said that it was his mistake... but we will remain friends... but now this friendship is not possible for me... how can I see him with another girl... please all of you pray for me... its really very painful...

ZoeMarie · Jul 29, 2009, 05:07 AM

It's time to walk away from this situation. You're just going to punish yourself it you stick around. Right now is not the time to be friends with him. Now is the time to move on. Somewhere down the road maybe you could be friends.

kctiger · Jul 29, 2009, 05:28 AM

Yes it is possible to remain friends with someone you love.

No it isn't possible to maintain any sort of sanity while doing it.

Romefalls19 · Jul 29, 2009, 05:34 AM

It's possible, but only after the dust settles. Don't think you can jump into a friendship immediately following a relationship and have it work out.

I wish · Jul 29, 2009, 06:31 AM

It's difficult to maintain a friendship when you have feelings for a person because you will twist the signs into thinking that the person has feelings for you. And even if you overcome that part, you will just be torturing yourself by being around him but can't be close to him.

It's better for you to distance yourself from him until you don't have those feelings anymore. If he's as great of a friend as you say he is, then he will still be there and you can easily rekindle your friendship once you've recovered. You wouldn't have to worry about losing him as a friend while you are recovering.

rani21 · Jul 29, 2009, 11:50 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

It's difficult to maintain a friendship when you have feelings for a person because you will twist the signs into thinking that the person has feelings for you. And even if you overcome that part, you will just be torturing yourself by being around him but can't be close to him.

It's better for you to distance yourself from him until you don't have those feelings anymore. If he's as great of a friend as you say he is, then he will still be there and you can easily rekindle your friendship once you've recovered. You wouldn't have to worry about loosing him as a friend while you are recovering.

For last 1 month I have already maintain the distance i.e no calls,no messages.. I just want him to be happy... for me its very painful sometime this is unbearable at that time my heart want to just see him at least once... god!! Please help me to get out of this situation... what was my fault... I just love him...

Chey5782 · Jul 30, 2009, 12:06 AM

It's possible if you are both friendly toward one another. But is it worth it in the long run? Time to let go and move on, sticking around is only going to hinder any relationship you try to develop with someone else.

Right on kc, very good point. Rep high five.;)

Jake2008 · Jul 30, 2009, 12:09 AM

It isn't possible for you to have a friendship with a soon to be married man, that you happen to be deeply in love with.

It wouldn't be 'friends', it would be hanging onto the hope that he will come back to you, and you settling for anything just to be close to him.

There is no future here for you, with this man. You must realize that accepting the end of something that is far more significant to you, than it is to him, means that you were both never on the same page to begin with. In other words, it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

If you continue to hold on to unrealistic expectations, you will continue to see hope where there is none. One little email, text, or accidental meeting on the street, will have you starting back to square one, and seeing hope and promise based on nothing more than a simple gesture.

The sooner you get yourself into counselling the better. You need to learn how to go through the necessary steps to let him go, in order for you to move on. You are allowing your feelings to cloud your judgment, and run your life. This is unhealthy, and will leave you in a place that is not productive to opening yourself up to recovering from the relationship, and being truly free to be available for the next one.

Please try counselling to help you get past this.

rani21 · Jul 30, 2009, 12:37 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

It isn't possible for you to have a friendship with a soon to be married man, that you happen to be deeply in love with.

It wouldn't be 'friends', it would be hanging onto the hope that he will come back to you, and you settling for anything just to be close to him.

There is no future here for you, with this man. You must realize that accepting the end of something that is far more significant to you, than it is to him, means that you were both never on the same page to begin with. In other words, it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

If you continue to hold on to unrealistic expectations, you will continue to see hope where there is none. One little email, text, or accidental meeting on the street, will have you starting back to square one, and seeing hope and promise based on nothing more than a simple gesture.

The sooner you get yourself into counselling the better. You need to learn how to go through the necessary steps to let him go, in order for you to move on. You are allowing your feelings to cloud your judgment, and run your life. This is unhealthy, and will leave you in a place that is not productive to opening yourself up to recovering from the relationship, and being truly free to be available for the next one.

Please try counselling to help you get past this.

Thanks dear... even I am thinking the same way... there are no of question in my mind which hurts me.. but by the time I have realised that I have to overcome this... this is not easy in fact for me its like to start and understand the world like a new born baby... once again thanks a lot dear...