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kctiger · Jul 29, 2009, 12:55 PM

This isn't about showing you are better than she is. The best revenge is you, moving on, and being happier with your life without her in it... again... EVER! That is the key.

Worth is relative to how you feel.

slapshot_oi · Jul 29, 2009, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

Ok, ok..I dont wanna be the stubborn guy that doesnt listen to people and then you guys go: I TOLD YOUUU and bring pizzas and all that, hehe :)

You guys are right. I need time to get over all this, and probably a new girl is not gonna do it. ANd yes...texting her or not is not gonna change who I am.

So..if she responds..I dont answer anymore. Im not gonna go with a conversation, cause she is the first one that DOESNT want to lead me (she said that a couple of times) and I know she will only answer THANKS, or something like that. I am DEFINITELY not gonna be her friend, and Im not gonna listen to what she says. I dont think saying Happy Bday is breaking NC...its just breaking a rule for a good cause. I really dont think its gonna get me worse. I know myself, and after all the turmoils and rollercoasters...I can take anything now. But she is not that bad, she is not gonna say" Thanks, by the way, I f***ed my new boyfriend last night and hes so much better than you" in the text..she´s just not THAT mean, haha. SHe is correct when it comes to communication. She has had a LOT of boyfriends (she is kinda problematic and has a lot of youth issues...having 3 different mums, a dad that mis-educated she and her sister telling them that all guys are MEAN and bad, and that marriage is a curse...etc...having a mum thats 50 years old, super hot, and that sleeps every night with a 22 year old guy...) and she knows the drill..so well...I truly believe although I dont have to prove anything to her, that saying Happy Birthday will show that I´m better than she is. What for? I dont really know, maybe just to make myself feel better. ISn´t it worth that?

You've done a lot of thinkin' for a silly text message.

Relax.

overayear · Jul 29, 2009, 01:28 PM

What if she doesn't text back. How will that make you feel? You will probably be looking at your phone until she does. If you really want to text her then by all means please do, I am just not seeing how it would benefit you at all. You know you are a good guy who wishes her well and I get the feeling that she knows the same. Just let it be.

Alty · Jul 29, 2009, 01:33 PM

Do not break NC! There, I said it.

If you do this you'll start back at square one.

It's time to stop obsessing about her. Every date on the calendar can be a special day if you're remembering an ex. She has a new guy, he'll take care of her birthday, it's no longer your job to be there for her.

Look forward, stop looking back, you'll trip! ;)

Sparky1969 · Jul 29, 2009, 01:55 PM

Only trying to help.
It's up to you but speaking fropm experience. If you break NC no matter what the out come is reply no reply or what ever you will be going backwards in your own recovery.

You may at the moment think your in control of the situation but as soon as you hit send you have lost that control.

Maybe think about this - she knows you know it's her birthday if you do nothing you will have even more control.

chetatkinsLA · Jul 29, 2009, 02:21 PM

Yeah you guys are right. I'm not going to text her! I hope I keep this feeling for a while cause I act a lot by impulses and I may just text her later without thinking... I'm weird like that hehe.

And yes, I think toooo much about a simple text.. but that's how I am.. scorpio :)

overayear · Jul 29, 2009, 02:32 PM

I hear you and have made that mistake before but before you hit that send button, think twice because you have clearly thought it out and have came to the decision not to because you think its best. Just try to have some self control.

sully123 · Jul 29, 2009, 02:39 PM

IT won't help you to text her at this point. She has moved on, and you said she has another boyfriend. You will feel worse if you did in the long run. As hard as it is, nothing would come out of it. YOU won't be moving forward, it will just set you back, sorry.

chetatkinsLA · Jul 29, 2009, 02:49 PM

Ok guys.. time to slap me now! I'm stubborn, and I did it! I texted her! But you know what? I feeel good and I don't regret it!

Me: happy birthday *******! Hope you have a great day!

She: (1 minute later) thanks! I hope you are doing good!

Just what I was expecting! Do I want to text back? NO! I'm done! Do I feel bad? Nope! Actually I feel better cause I did what I thought was the rightr thing to do...

Sorry for not totally listening to your advices, I hope you understand! Now its deep and deadly NC for me forever! Maybe until her next birthday, hehe :)

PS: another ex of mines birthday is in a week... but I dumped this one, and she hates me.. should I say happy birthday to her? :)

chetatkinsLA · Jul 29, 2009, 02:50 PM

Repeated

MissRissa · Jul 29, 2009, 02:53 PM

Had to edit this now that I realized you just texted her haha. Anyway, I hope your right. I hope that this didn't kill your progress.

sully123 · Jul 29, 2009, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

Ok guys..time to slap me now! I'm stubborn, and I did it! I texted her! But you know what? I feeel good and I don't regret it!

Me: happy birthday *******! Hope you have a great day!

She: (1 minute later) thanks! I hope you are doing good!

Just what I was expecting! Do I wanna text back? NO! I'm done! Do I feel bad? Nope! Actually I feel better cause I did what I thought was the rightr thing to do...

Sorry for not totally listening to your advices, I hope you understand! Now its deep and deadly NC for me forever! Maybe until her next birthday, hehe :)

PS: another ex of mines birthday is in a week...but I dumped this one, and she hates me..should I say happy bday to her? :)

You have to let go, where is it going to get you, she is with someone else, bottom line. YOUR looking for something to come out of it, and she has moved on. Sorry! Look for someone new...

chetatkinsLA · Jul 29, 2009, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by sully123

You have to let go, where is it going to get you, she is with someone else, bottom line. YOUR looking for something to come out of it, and she has moved on. Sorry! Look for someone new........................

Shouldn't I heal first and then look for somebody else? You guys don't realise that I have given up on her... the fact that I want to say happy birthday to my exes is just a thing I do... I still say happy birthday to my first ex and we broke up 5 years ago!! Does that mean I'm not over her? Come on¡ give me some credit! :) I'm not looking for her to come back with me! I don't even want her back! She showed who she really was and I don't want that girl! Period! I miss her? Yes, I miss the girl she was when she was with me! Since then she morphed into a cold bit**! I don't like cold bit**es! But I'm still a gentlemen and the fact that she sucks doesn't mean I have to suck too, but hey, you are right in that she doesn't deserve my best wishes. She

She won't get any more wishes until christmas.. maybe not even that one!

sully123 · Jul 29, 2009, 03:52 PM

No one is putting you down for it. But why would you wish someone who use say is a bit** to you, a Happy Birthday, if she is this horrible person. Sounds too me this is the real person she is now. You miss someone who treats you like this. Sorry she doesn't sound like such a nice person.

chetatkinsLA · Jul 29, 2009, 07:22 PM

Originally Posted by sully123

No one is putting you down for it. But why would you wish someone who use say is a bit** to you, a Happy Birthday, if she is this horrible person. Sounds too me this is the real person she is now. You miss someone who treats you like this. Sorry she doesn't sound like such a nice person.

Well my take on this is that she isn´t so bad... she just saw we were not going anywhere due to our extreme differences and she opted to cut this down ASAP, and the way she had doing it is hurting me. I will always say it... I understand the WHY, but I don´t get the HOW she did it. That's where in my opinion she f-ed up. So yeah, although she did all that to me after the relationship, she is a good girl and I wanted to wish her a happy birthday, which Im sure she is having. And again, I don't miss that MEAN person she morphed into when we broke up.. I miss the person she was before! Who´s the real one? I guess both! I changed too! At the beginning I was charming.. but when I got to see that she was very selfish, she always had to take the lead in everything and I always had to do things HER way, I got pissed and started to act in a passive mode... she saw the side of me that she didn't like.. but she motivated it, so yeah... all I can get out of this is that we weren´t meant to be together. Our personalities didn't match, and although the beginning was amazingly nice, when the real life came to play, it all started to fall apart. I guess this is the pattern EVERY relationship that is not meant to be follows, right?

Anyway, I´m done with this girl, makes me sad, but Im done. Now I´ll have to wait until I totally remove her from my thoughts and then start looking at girls again :) I wish I could skip the first part, but I guess you guys are right and I should be patienT! :D Not one of my strong points, haha!

Thank you all for the help. Feel free to continue commenting, I will love to read more insight from you guys about my situation! :D

MissRissa · Jul 29, 2009, 10:45 PM

Originally Posted by chetatkinsLA

Shouldn't I heal first and then look for somebody else? You guys don't realise that I have given up on her...the fact that I want to say happy bday to my exes is just a thing I do...I still say happy bday to my first ex and we broke up 5 years ago!!! Does that mean I'm not over her? Come on¡ give me some credit! :) I'm not looking for her to come back with me! I don't even want her back! She showed who she really was and I don't want that girl! Period! I miss her? Yes, I miss the girl she was when she was with me! Since then she morphed into a cold bit**! I don't like cold bit**es! But I'm still a gentlemen and the fact that she sucks doesn't mean I have to suck too, but hey, u r right in that she doesn't deserve my best wishes. She

She won't get any more wishes until christmas..maybe not even that one!

Sorry man, but I'm just not really buying this whole "you say happy bday to all your exes" because if you did, then why did you ask in the first place. Obviously something is wrong or else you would have never posted the question. I don't mean to call you a liar or anything I just think that something more is up.

chetatkinsLA · Jul 30, 2009, 03:08 AM

I don't think its something weird... yes... I have that tradition of saying happy birthday to my exes.. why is that so bad? I don't like to erase people from my life... a period is necessary for self-cure, but after you are fine... shouldn´t be too bad, right? I talk with ALL of my exes... and I am over them... I like to know about them and how they are doing. Maybe Im weird :D

I asked in the first place about all this situation because I felt unsecure about all her birthday thing. The fact that it was her birthday made me feel weird... like sad, or that I had to do something, don't know why.. thats basically why I posted my question. The text was just a consequence of it... I just wanted to know why I had these weird feelings in certain important daysm like her sisters wedding (which I was invited, but after we broke up I wasn´t invited anymore... and I did the save the date picture as a photographer), her birthday... I don't know... I know she has a new life without me but I still feel weird in those important days. The rest of the days I do my own life, and I don't care.. now that her birthday is over... im not looking forward to something about her at all... I don't know what she´s up to, or what she´s doing next... I have the curiosity, but I am better without knowing.

I had a great day today (her bday)... I sometimes thought about what she might be doing... and this made me feel weird, but I tried to avoid thinking about that... I think I should be fine after today... nothing to look forward to... break ups are crazy! That's all I know!

Chey5782 · Jul 30, 2009, 03:41 AM

Just wait till next year when it isn't nearly as raw. I still believe firmly that ex's are ex's for a reason and most of them should go jump off a pier or get lost entirely. I have a few I still talk to though, and I had NC with every single one of them for quite some time.

YOU need some time to heal, and obviously you agree. So don't feel bad for wanting to contact her to say happy birthday, just yanno, ignore it this year, It will do you more good in the end than contacting her and giving her a reason to suck you back in. Kudos on not contacting her.

kctiger · Jul 30, 2009, 05:43 AM

So what your saying is that you are entering "deep NC" until her next birthday.

chetatkinsLA · Jul 30, 2009, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

So what your saying is that you are entering "deep NC" until her next birthday.

Well I´m hoping that by then I´m fine already and totally over it... One year of NC is A LOT! Hehe.