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MarbleBees · Jul 27, 2009, 10:31 PM

I'm sorry for being awkward and personal, but I've had a few questions mulling around in my mind for a while. It's not something I want to bring up with anyone in person, so I figured that a fairly anonymous place would be best to ask...

I'm a 17 year old girl, with no experience at all. No boyfriends, no kissing, heck, no ATTRACTION to anyone at all, be it female or male. I figure this must be a little odd-- my friends tend to agree. I've never had crushes on anyone, not even typical movie/rock stars, especially not anyone I know in real life.

Most people my age have some sort of partner, or at least a firm idea of which gender they prefer. I don't. I just don't want to be with... anyone. I never get sexually excited (not that I would have sex anyway) about anything. No boys have approached me and I'm perfectly fine with that, except that it's starting to affect my social status. People seem to think I'm a lesbian or a prude. But that's not it at all... I'm just not attracted to anyone.

My mother is very open minded and everything, and a while ago she bought me a vibrator. Green, bumpy, scary thing that sounds like an angry hornet. I've done my best to try and... well, please myself with it, but I just don't seem to understand. It's not as stimulating as I figured something like that should be. I keep it hidden and just don't want to think about it.

So, my concern is... what if I never get excited about anything or anyone? I've gone through most of high school without any attraction, and what happens if none ever occurs? For the rest of my life? I feel like I've got a 12-year-old's point of view on sex and romance.

More questions... sorry... but when did everyone else start feeling lust and having boyfriends? Am I not maturing correctly? How acceptable is it for a person to just have no interest in anyone?

Torrid13 · Jul 27, 2009, 10:44 PM

Have you experience any traumatic events in your life that could possibly be linked to this feeling?

I have a good guy friend that is exactly the same way: he doesn't have crushes on either sex, he never gets aroused, doesn't even think girls/boys are cute, has never kissed, etc etc.

In fact, him and another girl that never has feelings are planning to get married just so they won't be alone, but never have sex. Just adopt kids.

But, they both have experienced sexual abuse and bad family issues that have discouraged them and "rewritten" their brain, so to speak, to the point where they just have no sexual feelings.

That's why I asked.

MarbleBees · Jul 27, 2009, 10:50 PM

No... nothing like that. The most I can say is that I was exposed to the internet perhaps a little young, and saw some disturbing pictures. But nothing very personal or damaging, I don't think.

But no bad family issues or rape or abuse or anything like that in the least.

Torrid13 · Jul 27, 2009, 10:57 PM

Well, thank God that you've never had to live through things like that!

Hmm. I don't really have a good answer.

Perhaps it's just that you haven't met the right person yet to have feelings. I know that when I'm not interested in anyone, I don't get aroused or anything.

But when I finally meet someone I really click with, then they come back. So it might be a matter of finding the right person! I don't think you're weird, though!

HelpinHere · Jul 27, 2009, 11:04 PM

Excuse me if I'm wrong, or missed it somewhere, but have you "hit" puberty yet?

Torrid13 · Jul 27, 2009, 11:11 PM

I assumed, since she said she was 17...

MarbleBees · Jul 27, 2009, 11:11 PM

@Helpin:Yes, I have hit puberty.

@Torrid: Well, that's one person who thinks I'm not weird. Maybe I do need to meet the right person... but I doubt I'll just stumble upon them. I don't do so well relying on chance alone.

HelpinHere · Jul 27, 2009, 11:12 PM

EDIT: Never mind.

Well, there is a different between being "wierd" and just not normal.
I'll say it's the latter.

Why are you worried? Do you have any sexual desire, be it for a partner, or satisfaction, at all?
You said "It's not as stimulating as I figured something like that should be" so does that mean you just expected it to be better, or actually wanted it to be?

Torrid13 · Jul 27, 2009, 11:15 PM

I'll try another possibility:

Do you have any medical conditions?

HelpinHere · Jul 27, 2009, 11:16 PM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

I'll try another possibility:

Do you have any medical conditions?

Thinking the same thing.

Have you ever been to see a gynocologist?

MarbleBees · Jul 27, 2009, 11:22 PM

I guess I'm just worried that if I never grow any sexual desire, it'll be hard for me to find a partner later in life. There aren't that many people who would be interested in dating and marrying a person who would never want to do anything intimate or would never get excited. I just don't want to grow up, grow old, and be lonely. I want to have sex, later on, but I'm concerned that maybe I'll just never feel anything.

I hope I'm making sense. It's sort've late and it's hard to express myself correctly.

MarbleBees · Jul 27, 2009, 11:24 PM

I don't know of any. I've never been to a gynocologist, though.

godsbabygirl267 · Jul 30, 2009, 11:49 PM

I don't think you are weird. There's nothing wrong with not liking anyone particularly. Honesly, at 17, most girls get into relationships and are all "ooh I love him.." etc. Which distracts them from important things such as school and friends. Honestly, maybe you just haven't found anyone who you like yet. It happens. And I'm sure one day you'll find someone who you like. Good luck! :)

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2009, 07:26 AM

I am like that too I can go years without thinking of sex or being bothered with a relationship. To me it is more that it just isn't a priority. When I was a teen and in my twenties I liked people as people and didn't look at them from any sexual aspect other than they were male or female. I looked at people my age as more like brothers and sisters. Don't get me wrong I did have a bit of a 'wow if I had a boyfriend I would want one like him' Anyway I say yeah you are asexual and shove the vibrator somewhere where you can forget about it. People ask me if I mastrabate all the time and they swear everybody has to but the fact is to me if a guy ain't got his arms around me and I can feel him in my arms what is the point of either having a vibrator or mastrabating?

I did get married when I was 28 and have 4 babies. You just got to wait for the right guy to come into your life. That may be all it takes for you.