[shanashmontdum]

My boyfriend and I have been going out off and on for a year, I was a virgin when we met however he said he has had around 10 different sexual partners in his lifetime and we didn't start having sex until we had been going out for 10 months, but always with a condom.. the other day we were having sex and his condom started to slip and since it was his last one we stopped.. I was still in the mood so I told him to keep going but he said no, because he knew that I would not be asking him to do that if we didn't have to stop in the middle of sex... he said he had never had sex without a condom and didn't want to start until after he was married (which is fine)... well anyway the next day we made plans to finish what we had started and he had three more condoms, but when it came time for him to go get a condom to put on he told me to bring him inside of me without one (I was on top).. it was amazing the best sex I've ever had, but when we were done he said if you get pregnant it is your fault because I'm not ready to be a dad... the chances were slim that I would get pregnant because I was no were near ovulating and I have a regular cycle and I am aware pregnancy could occur at any time of the month but I am also aware that condoms are not 100% effective either... so what was that comment suppose to mean? At first I thought he was showing me he loved me and trusted me by having unprotected sex with me but now I am confused?

[Fr_Chuck]

It means he is a jerk, merely using you for sex, not interested in getting married to you, and not wanting to have children, so if you get pregnant he would most likely be gone and you will be on here asking how to collect child support

[mudweiser]

This guy doesn't care about you.

"If you get pregnant it's your fault" WOW- I didn't know he didn't have a penis. I didn't know you had the semen and NOT him.

He's a jerk.

He also clearly said to you "I don't want to start not using a condom until I am married". Notice he didn't say us or we!

FYI even if your not close to ovulating you CAN still get pregnant.

I'd avoid having sex with him t. He may be the best sex you ever had-- but he's the only sex you've ever had.

Get a new boyfriend. One that cares for you. One that want a future with you. One that WOULD be responsible if you were to become pregnant.

Sarah

[Torrid13]

First clue is that your relationship isn't necessarily a stable. It's been going off and on for a year? Not exactly the kind of relationship where trust, respect, and love can grow from.

Second clue, as Muddy pointed out, he said, "when *I* am married." Sweetheart, if you think you're in his future, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... he's a g00berm00ch. He's telling you loud and clear that you don't need to get your hopes wrapped up in you two being together forever.

Third clue, "It's YOUR fault if you get pregnant." Hmm. Last time I checked, you need sperm and an egg to make a baby. Hmm. I don't know, maybe I'm just old-school, but that's what I sincerely thought. Apparently your "loving boyfriend" didn't pass health class. SO this means that not only is a complete moron, but a selfish one at that.

His future doesn't include you, he's not ready to be a parent, and he likes to take advantage of girls that are inexperienced in relationships. I'm sorry, Darlin'. Find someone that will love you and not be so rude and immature.

How you took those comments to be "loving," I will never know.

[nikosmom]

It means you need to get get tested for STDs. He's been with people other than you so you need to be safe.

I agree with the others that he's shown you his true colors. He's letting you know that he's not in this for the long haul.

Get checked out and be more careful from now on. One moment of pleasure can lead to a lifetime of anguish.

[Torrid13]

This guy doesn't care about you.

"If you get pregnant it's your fault" WOW- I didn't know he didn't have a penis. I didn't know you had the semen and NOT him.

He's a jerk.

He also clearly said to you "I don't want to start not using a condom until I am married". Notice he didn't say us or we!

FYI even if your not close to ovulating you CAN still get pregnant.

I'd avoid having sex with him t. He may be the best sex you ever had-- but he's the only sex you've ever had.

Get a new boyfriend. One that cares for you. One that want a future with you. One that WOULD be responsible if you were to become pregnant.

Sarah

Sorry Muddy, I had to spread the rep, but I really enjoyed reading your post. Especially the "WOW- I didn't know he didn't have a penis. I didn't know you had the semen and NOT him part. I thought of a South Park episode about Cartman's mom/dad... and I giggled.

[shanashmontdum]

How you took those comments to be "loving," I will never know.[/QUOTE]

The fact that I would be the only person he ever had unprotected sex with was the part I thought was "loving" since he had been with so many others and never did it with them, but was willing to do it with me... but then he made that comment afterwards which confused me, because I thought his actions meant the complete opposite of what he said... and that is why I am confused

[mudweiser]

The fact that i would be the only person he ever had unprotected sex with was the part i thought was "loving" since he had been with so many others and never did it with them, but was willing to do it with me.........but then he made that comment afterwards which confused me, b/c i thought his actions meant the complete opposite of what he said... and that is why i am confused

The fact is it wasn't loving. If it was loving he wouldn't have said what he did say.

To him it was a big risk. He took it. Doesn't make him a good boyfriend for doing so.

If you were in a monogamous relationship and he saw that there was a future for the both of you he wouldn't have made is such a big deal.


I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you probably told him various times "let's not use a condom...." and well it finally got to him.

Sarah

[Torrid13]

I agree with Muddy: I think he did it more to get you to stop talking about it than actually make it an intimate moment. I'm sorry he confused you with his words and actions, but he doesn't appreciate you the way you deserve.

[shazamataz]

Definitely get checked for STD's as well as pregnancy.
If he told you he wasn't going to have sex without a condom until marriage and then did it anyway how many other girls has he told the same thing to and then had unprotected sex with?

Time to say goodbye to this loser.

[danielnoahsmommy]

Stop thinking with your vagina, and start thinking with your brain... little to others on the board.

[kp2171]

....so what was that comment suppose to mean? at first i thought he was showing me he loved me and trusted me by having unprotected sex with me but now i am confused?

it means your boyfriend has half a clue and you should be grateful for at least his concern, even if it wasn't enough for his to stop.

my son was conceived while religiously tracking her cycle and using birth control.

"oops" happens.

your boyfriend comments mean the following...

1) he isn't ready to be a father and doesn't want to take extra risks (tho NO form of BC is 100%)

and

2) he was willing to put the burden on you, in the end, since you were willing.

well, that's BS...

he doesn't get to say "well, she said get inside me now so all i did was what she said"...

he needs to own the chance you could be pregnant, with BC or not.

why in the word do you think unprotected sex = trust??

...

...

really.

a person CAN love another an not want to be or not be ready to be a parent... so his getting off inside you is NOT any kind of show of trust.

and you don't get to put all of this on him. Not one bit.

when you choose to have sex, you choose the possibility of pregnancy. Period. Even with BC.

so...

not sure what you are looking for.

sounds like you want to know if his comment "validates" his love or not.

in all honesty, I think he was facing the reality that sex without BC has a higher risk of pregnancy, no matter what you think your cycle is. Search the threads here... there are MANY reasons for a woman's cycle to be irregular.

he doesn't get to make you own all of it, if you become pregnant, but you don't get to dump it in his lap either.

[Gemini54]

Loser alert!

Well, you did say that it's been an 'on -off' relationship.

He's sounds like a jerk and his behavior has spoken much louder than his words. Care about you? I don't think so.

I'd be treading very carefully with this man. And don't give into the temptation for unprotected sex with him.

[jmjoseph]

Hey, in the guy's defense:( )

HE suggested going bareback and it's YOUR fault? These are the guys that make me look like an angel. At first he sounded like he was responsible, saying " no, let's be careful" but then it went downhill from there. You came here asking WHY he changed his mind. I think that he thought HMMM, "I WILL try it unwrapped", but I guess because you were on top, you were responsible as I'm sure he was resisting.

You're getting more than you bargained for , I think too, that you should move on. Find a man that won't waste your time, treat you like a lady, respect you , love you, and be there with you through any and everything. The world is full of them. You just picked rotten fruit . Pick another one .Good luck to you this time.

[smoothy]

Incidentally... you have to treat having unprotected sex WILL result in pregnancy at any time... because there really is no one safe time... PERIOD. End of story.

Unless you actually want to live in an old trailer, working minimum wage jobs and raising several children... maybe alone. Then by all means continue.

[shanashmontdum]

OK thanks to those who actually provided some useful advise... it has helped me confirm what I already knew and didn't want to admit... however to those who just commented on the fact that I had unprotected sex and how stupid it was (I will admit it was not a shining moment of brilliance on my part) but it did nothing to resolve the issue and just made you sound judgemental First of all if you had read the question to begin with you would know that I am well aware that pregnancy can occur at anytime and it can occur even if you use a condom and I also made the point that I knew that the likeliness of getting pregnant is significantly lower (not impossible) when you are not ovulating if you have a regular cycle. I learned this in my college anatomy and physiology class, so I would say the information is pretty accurate. I didn't think I had to spend a paragraph spelling that out for everybody because I was asking a question about what my boyfriend's statement meant not whether I could actually get pregnant. Second of all I am not an impulsive person, I don't do things without thinking of the consequences first. While a pregnancy is not desirable, I would not be having sex period if I did not think I could handle becoming pregnant as a result of my actions. I just failed to realize that most people do not consider the consequences of their actions (good and bad) before to doing them, but instead they do it with the false notion that nothing bad will happen

[reading1]

Well you waited long enough to experience unprotected sex but now a days you don't really know who were sleep with anymore. Guy are coming out the closet and lot of girl are ing out of both pants legs. No disrespect to you but just guard yourself a little more. This guy is a jerk! That's never the right reply, "if you get it your fault remember get pregnant it take two to tangle. Good Luck! Think about this protect yourself from jerk off and what jerk's out.

[smoothy]

ok thanks to those who actually provided some useful advise... it has helped me confirm what i already knew and didn't want to admit.....however to those who just commented on the fact that i had unprotected sex and how stupid it was (i will admit it was not a shining moment of brilliance on my part) but it did nothing to resolve the issue and just made you sound judgemental First of all if you had read the question to begin with you would know that i am well aware that pregnancy can occur at anytime and it can occur even if you use a condom and i also made the point that i knew that the likeliness of getting pregnant is significantly lower (not impossible) when you are not ovulating if you have a regular cycle. i learned this in my college anatomy and physiology class, so i would say the information is pretty accurate. i didn't think i had to spend a paragraph spelling that out for everybody because i was asking a question about what my boyfriend's statement meant not whether or not i could actually get pregnant. Second of all i am not an impulsive person, i don't do things without thinking of the consequences first. while a pregnancy is not desirable, i would not be having sex period if i did not think i could handle becoming pregnant as a result of my actions. i just failed to realize that most people do not consider the consequences of their actions (good and bad) before to doing them, but instead they do it with the false notion that nothing bad will happen

It only takes once... there are a lot of mothers out there, many very young moms that thought only once will be OK.

Incidentally... using the ovulation meathod to avoid pregnancy is about as accurate as using the services of a fortune teller.

Plus... unless you grew up with the man on a deserted desert Island where only the two of you lived, there is no sure way to know that he is safe... or in a different situation... he could not assume YOU are safe. Exactly HOW did you determine you were close to ovulation anyway? I'm sure we have at least several women here that are actually TRYING to get pregnant using that meathod, and might explain how its not something you casually do.

Don't think that is useful information? There are thousands (or millions) of teenage moms and people with Aids or Herpes that will say it is. And not just young ones. And then there are the scores of OTHER STD's out there.

Most of them spread by the very person you would least expect to be carrying them. THe "Sweet" guy or girl you are taking out, with a history only they know for certain.

You are responsible for your OWN health and protection.

[Ren6]

You do sound impulsive to me. Why on earth you'd chance pregnancy with a guy you've been dating "on and off" for a year is incomprehensible. A guy suggesting unprotected sex, putting you at risk for STDs and pregnancy, does not equal "love". It's too bad that so many women don't figure this out until it's too late.

[kp2171]

First, please understand we see so, so many posts about pregnancy without protection or proper use... its is daily... an endless event... and hell, some people don't understand if you can get pregnant from oral, anal, handjobs, blah, blah, blah... its just amazing...

And, like it or not, whether you passed your classes or not, you still had sex without protection AND THAT WAS a part of his comment to you...

HE brought up pregnancy risk due to lack of BC and his lack of support for you were clear, and I thought what you wanted addressed. His words. You asked about his words... and that takes us a little into the "dont do it again please" talk...

Some of us mightve have chosen to use a softer approach. Its what you get in a public forum. Tough love is still love. Even big meanies like me just want you to be healthy and happy.

And we are a judgemental group. We look at one perspective of the facts and we judge and then babble.

First of all if you had read the question to begin with you would know that i am well aware that pregnancy can occur at anytime and it can occur even if you use a condom and i also made the point that i knew that the likeliness of getting pregnant is significantly lower (not impossible) when you are not ovulating if you have a regular cycle.

True... but when do you plan on having an irregular cycle? Doesn't matter how "regular" you are... when you suddenly aren't, it isn't as if you get advance notice... right?

That's like saying "warn me in advance of any unexpected problems"...

Anyway...

The focus of this thread SHOULD be on what you asked... what did his comments mean...

And I stand by my earlier positions...

He isn't ready to be a father.

He is willing to place the place the blame on you for his choice to not use protection, whether you were willing or not.

You should consider this in the future with this man.

You said the sex was great. Fine. Just know you are with a guy who is quick to place all the blame on you if you become pregnant... "regular" cycle or not.