[tedola]

Hey folks.
Im new to this so bear with me. I am 23 years old and feeling rather stupid... My girlfriend of three years broke up with me about two months ago and I am absolutely crushed. I live by myself I have my own house car career and do well for myself. I knew exactly what I was worth now I don't have a breeze. She left me and the whole thing stank. She came over after telling me we needed to talk and Im not lying when I say she was done and dusted with what she had to say and had all of her stuff packed and gone in less than 8(eight) minutes so quick that her mother who brought her up was still outside in the car when she left.It was short sharp brutal and in the end I had lost something very dear to me.Kinda like being mugged.Now here is why I feel stupid, our first year together she claimed to have kissed another guy while on holidays with her friends I said "ok leave me alone for a while please and let me see how I feel about this" I forgave her after months of calls and apologies. Year two we went abroad to Greece and at the very beginning of the holiday before the bags were unpacked she said she didn't want to be my girlfriend anymore.The remainder of the holiday involved me and her basically being inseparable mostly because she would have been by herself then a week or two after coming home she called me up while I was at my best friends 21st and like an absolute moron I ran back to her and took her back that night.Two weeks before our three year anniversary she said she was running scared because its three years and again like a moron I said go figure out what you want come back to me I will wait. Then the anniversary happened and we exchanged gifts had a nice day etc.. And she made a nice big scrap book of us and all the fun we had together which I will admit was the most amazing gift anyone had ever given me. The incident above by the way was the day after the anniversary. So after it all went down I rang her and asked her when she would be home(she left a load of her stuff behind) when we spoke I made the rookie mistake of asking if we could talk about what happened she said there was nothing to talk about, I was blown away. Three years? And you have nothing to say to me? I went to say goodbye she swore blind that we should still be friends and I agreed. Since that day it all went wrong I sent her one message saying "Just a quick text to say hi hope all is well" since then not a word back. So again I feel like a complete idiot being used abused and eventually discarded by a woman I thought I knew well and more importantly that I thought loved me. Every night I end up thinking of her in the morning I think of her well you get the idea. And I cannot seem to get past her I WANT TO GET HER BACK. So the long and short is this am I doing the right thing or should I go yell at her for being such a tyrant to make myself feel better?

23 and feeling like a complete Dumbass...

[justcurious55]

Yelling at her might make you feel better for about 2 seconds. Then I'll bet you'll just feel like an @ss again. It's hard. But learn from it and move on. There seems to be a pattern here of her not being able to commit for the long term. And you being the one that gets hurt. Even if you want her back, you have to remember that she dumped you. For what, the second or third time? Time to stay away from her.

[talaniman]

So again I feel like a complete idiot being used abused and eventually discarded by a woman I thought I knew well and more importantly that I thought loved me.

Well given what she has told you about wanting to break up, I think you may have been ignoring all the warning signs, and red flags she was waving, and saw what you wanted to. To bad that wasn't the real picture.

Every night I end up thinking of her in the morning I think of her well you get the idea. And I cannot seem to get past her I WANT TO GET HER BACK.

I get you miss her, that's human. You need the time to heal and adjust your life. That may take a while.

So the long and short is this am I doing the right thing or should I go yell at her for being such a tyrant to make myself feel better?

You vanish from her life and leave her alone and work on rebuilding a life that you enjoy without her. That's what you do.

[N0help4u]

. Every night I end up thinking of her in the morning I think of her well you get the idea. And I cannot seem to get past her I WANT TO GET HER BACK. So the long and short is this am I doing the right thing or should I go yell at her for being such a tyrant to make myself feel better?

23 and feeling like a complete Dumbass...

Yeah go yelling at her for what?
What will that accomplish?
Self satisfaction for you ?
Displacing/projecting your hurt or anger onto her?


I know what it WILL accomplish---
Justifying in her mind that she KNOWS she is glad to be OUT of the relationship with you.

[liz28]

Again I couldn't agree with you Nohelp and Tal but was told to spread the rep so here it goes.

To the OP stop beating yourself over what happen between you and your ex. You live and you learn and hopefully you learnt a valuable lesson.

You might be angry with your ex but you need to point most of that anger at yourself. You kept running back to her and holding on to something that wasn't there--she didn't make you do it.

Time after time she told you she didn't want to be with you but you didn't listen. When these words come out of your partner mouth you need to listen to them and not try to change them.

So in the end this relationship should make you grow as a person and in order for you to heal you need to let the anger go. Holding on to anger is like holding a piece of hot coal in your hand--your only get burnt. Let is go and move on and next time be more smart by thinking with your head instead of your heart.

[tedola]

So the long and short of it is this. Yes you are a dumbass but yes you are doing the right thing? I appreciate the help there guys and gals thank you. Also just to clarify one point although it is a circular logic thing; I took her back all those times this is the first and subsequent last time she broke up with me though. Once again though thank you for your input it will give me a great deal of clarity.

[winding200]

Tedola,
I feel for you. Howevere, she did not love you. You need to accept it. And move on. You seem very sweet young man. You will meet a right girl who will find your true value, and will love you back.
Please do not contact her in any forms. It does not help you at all, ruins your dignity, and make her hate you.
Be strong and man up. Good Luck!

[tedola]

Its true. I guess it is time to stay away from her. A pity though I really loved her. Thank you guys for your advice. I suppose when I get through this I owe you all advice! And a round of cold ones.

[shanaldo]

Oh honey - I'm so sorry. In my experience, (I'm 45), your 20's are a soul searching time, and love can be cruel (very cruel!). You are not going to like what I have to say now... you MUST go through heartbreak to find out what kind of person yo will become. (I know... I know... it doesn't make sense to you now. I completely understand!) Same thing happened to me. I was CRUSHED - and by the way, I'm a woman.) I honestly wanted to kill myself - but I am so glad I didn't! See... I dove into the other areas of my life that I was neglecting - college, work, family life, etc. I thought I knew what love is/was at the time - but kitten - I HAD NO IDEA! I leaned to live with ME... and this is a very important lesson. If you don't love YOURSELF first, there is no way you can make a lifetime commitment to anyone else. By the way... That idiot that left me went on and married someone else. I avoided him, and in time, he vanished from my thoughts. But you know what? He divorced a few years ago, and looked me up on Facebook - told me he was a fool. (I knew that!) But by then, I had met a fabulous guy - and I didn't meet that fabulous guy until I was 36! I am still with that fabulous guy, and I found out in the end, that I had won. I didn't abandon that guy initially - he left ME. It was only then I found out who I was... and what love REALLY meant to me. All the people that I knew in my 20's got married - and were divorced by the time I was 40. I was the only one who got to know myself... and this is the BIG LESSON. Take solace in your broken heart - you will learn VOLUMES from it - I promise!