[wutangpaul]

Well it happened, I broke NC
Guys I don't even know where to begin, I just am a ing mess right now.
This is what she told me:


Because I've met somebody who I'm kind of seeing and I wanted to be the one to tell you and not have you have to find out through somebody else
So you that's all I have to tell you
I'm sorry... I hope you find everything we had and more with somebody, I did want that person to be you but we're just not right for each other
And that's just life, I hope you're okay
Don't hate me, I'm happy and I wasn't looking to move on with someone else it just happened that way, when I least expected it. I'm not doing it to spite you or for any other reason than I', happy. I just needed to tell you because I didn't want you to find out from someone else anyway I won't contact you you can contact me if you need or want to talk, I want to be mature about this and I understand
How hard it must be and for that I'm really sorry because I care about you
Goodnight



I guess I deserved it, I broke the NC rule, I just had a really bad day I needed to talk to my best friend and this is the outcome.

[ajGambino]

It's a tragedy that you've broken NC just to find this out. All you can do now is stay away, and I highly recommend it. She will keep you in a state where you're not happy, so move away from her and try to move on.

NC is hard, but it gets easier in time. Good luck buddy.

[chetatkinsLA]

Man... that mail could have totally been written by my ex! Same cold tone all around! I hate people like that! When I break up with somebody I try to be a bit nicer. We go from being the best thing in their world to having the flu or a bad disease and they don't even want to see us. These guys/girls SUCK!

Its done man... move on. Now STICK to NC totally and don't even bother what she´s doing! Redo your life and be happy without her. Difficult to believe right now, but its better that way... I feel your pain!

[Ren6]

man...that mail could have totally been written by my ex! Same cold tone all around! I hate people like that! When I break up with somebody I try to be a bit nicer. We go from being the best thing in their world to having the flu or a bad disease and they dont even wanna see us. These guys/girls SUCK!

Its done man...move on. now STICK to NC totally and dont even bother what she´s doin! Redo your life and be happy without her. Difficult to believe right now, but its better that way...I feel your pain!

I don't see how she was cold. He broke NC and she nicely told him that she's seeing somebody and how sorry she is that he's unhappy, because she cares for him. Further, she wishes him future happiness with somebody else.

[kctiger]

Lesson learned... move on and find other avenues of release.

[jjwoodhull]

Now that you've seen how devastating it can be to break NC, hopefully it will deter you from doing it again.

Get out there with your friends and have fun.

[inertia]

All in all, that's a pretty fair response from her. She is trying to be as sensitive to your feelings as she can be without leading you on. Everyone is right, you need to absolutely move on. At least she obviously still cares about you. You can walk away from this knowing that your ex still respects you. That's huge. Keep it by respecting her and staying away and moving on.

Trust me, it could be so much uglier. There's no room for games, misinterpretation or lies here. She obviously has a soft spot for you so let her remember you fondly and don't bother her anymore. As far as break ups go, this is about as good as it gets.

[wutangpaul]

I hear you guys, moving on was something I felt pretty good about, and I was doing well, NC for a month.she texted but I shouldn't have texted back. Lesson definitely learned.

[Holly23]

Nc?

[wutangpaul]

nc?

No contact

[jmw0713]

Sounds just like what my ex told me last year. I've found out things awhile back about her that I didn't want to know, so I know how you feel. Just get back on the NC wagon and get distracted with something fun.

[chetatkinsLA]

I don't see how she was cold. He broke NC and she nicely told him that she's seeing somebody and how sorry she is that he's unhappy, because she cares for him. Further, she wishes him future happiness with somebody else.

TO me the overall tone of the message is very cold... sincere, honest, yes.. but COLD as ice. Maybe that´s just me!

To me having somebody that was my "all" telling me to find happiness in somebody else´s arms... doesn´t make any sense. I even think it´s just a passphrase you use to make the other person feel better.. I don´t think she really wants that.. but again, maybe that´s just me! My ex said exactly the SAME things and I would never have considered it a nice answer. If she cared for me, she would have taken a bit longer in redoing her life, she would have listened to me when I was f-ed up... instead of ignoring me and blowing me off. I guess maybe for you guys that's the "correct" way to do it, but I hate her so much for doing that you can't imagine. AGain, if I breakup with somebody, I would NEVER act so cold.

[I wish]

There's always pros and cons to everything:

Cons:

1) You did break the rules and probably feel a lot more pain by finding out that there was another guy

Pros:

1) She's right that it's better to find out from her than from someone else, because it means that she was honest with you

I can tell you from first hand experience that it sucks to find out from someone else, because it will feel that your ex lied to you the entire time by keeping such a big secret (but even this type of situation has its debatable pros and cons)

2) At least now you know she kept the door open to a friendship in the future, but don't attempt a friendship unless you're completely over her

3) Now that she put the nail in the coffin, you can finally move on, no more doubts or "what ifs" on your mind

-- I would say that the pros outweigh the cons. So keep your head up. It's not that bad.

[inertia]

What are your options though? If you called off a relationship and happened to meet someone shortly thereafter, how would you react to the ex? It's not a race to get over someone. Trust me man, it could be so much worse than this. Would you rather be lead on until they met someone? What would you think of them if they still gave you so much time while they were with someone else? I'd be disgusted and I would wonder if they did that while they were dating me. At least she isn't dating someone to spite him, that hurts a lot worse. She wants him to find happiness because she cares about him and doesn't want him to pine over her. That shows more love and respect than leading him on (just in case).

[inertia]

It certainly hurts to know your ex has found someone else, but if they do it and they still treat you with respect, there is no reason to hate them. Mourn them, but at least you don't have to question their integrity. My ex dated my friend a week after we broke up. I found out through her best friend. The entire relationship became a huge "what happened?" "did she cheat?" etc.

I'd rather know an honest caring person fell out of love than a spiteful, insecure and manipulative person wanted to hurt me.

[Torrid13]

I'm sorry you're in pain. That's why NC is the best way: it avoids a lot of pain. But you've learned your lesson, and I hope you keep this in mind for the future.

But the other posters are right: it could have been a lot worse. She could have told you off and been very hateful. But she handled it with a lot of care, and with your feelings in mind.

I'm sorry you hurt; broken hearts are cruel. But now's the time to put on the big boy pants and shoes, and walk away from the situation so you can find happiness elsewhere.

Good luck.

[inertia]

"But now's the time to put on the big boy pants and shoes,"

A bit derogatory, don't you think?

[Torrid13]

Nope. He's got to accept that it's over and move on.

[inertia]

Nope. He's got to accept that it's over and move on.

Read his last post. I think he's working on that. I'd understand if he was arguing with everyone telling us they are meant to be, but I don't see it. The guy's just hurting, that's all. Now put on your big girl lipstick and show some tact.

[Torrid13]

I never said he was arguing and being stubborn. I can clearly see he's hurting. He made a mistake, and has learned and grown from it. That's what we have to do when we make mistakes: grow from them. Thus, putting on the bigger pants of experience and moving on with life.