Check out some similar questions!

brittie_xoxo · Jul 22, 2009, 12:37 PM

My name is Britney. I'm a happy 17 year old. I was just in an awesome relationship. But then he brokeup with me. He moved to Mississippi and he's really really busy with going to work and college and trying to spend time with his dad; which he never got to spend a lot of time with. But the reason why he brokeup with me was because well he was going to be really busy so it would be hard for him to put effort into a long distance relationship since you always have to add extra since you're so far away and you don't get to see each other often. He also said because I'm to dependent on him and I need to become independent on my own. I feel like I emotionally depended on him because I have a VERY bad relationship with my mother and father. They're divorced. My dad never comes around or calls me but he pays my cellphone bill. My mother tells me she hates me and wishes I was never born. Which is something I have to listen to everyday. I feel that subconciously I saw my boyfriend as my dad; not in a creepy way but in a filling in the empty hole in my heart way. So not only did my boyfriend have to be my average boyfriend but he also had to fill in the extra gaps. Like paying extra attention to me and all those other things like being my complete support group. I also have really mean friends. So yea no friends, no mom, no dad. The way he talks to me and stuff shows me he still cares and loves for me and if I become more independent on my own he'll try being with me again. I asked him today if what me and him had was real and he said: Yes I cared about you and loved you but I felt sort of turned away by your dependency. The night before I told him I wanted to continue on being apart and one day when he comes back up to visit his mom if he'd like to hangout or sort of go on a date and he said: I can see that as a possibility. He's the love of my life and I know it for a fact. Me and him have experienced everything pretty much together. We're each others weirdo and we watch all the same shows together like bestfriends yet we have a passion of love for each other.

I would just like some tips or support from all of you.
I'll accept any way you can help me.

Torrid13 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:44 PM

You can't blame your parents for your dependency issues. No doubt they have influenced this behavior, but you're going to have to take measures yourself to work through this. That's like blaming your parents for cancer because it runs in the family. It's easy to blame, but at the end of the day, only you can do something about it.

Also, be aware that the relationship most likely wouldn't have lasted very much longer anyway due to the fact he moved to Mississippi. At 17, you don't have the resources to make it work.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for your family situation, but like I said, you have to change yourself, not your parents. Plus, there will be plenty of more guys to get to know in the future.

N0help4u · Jul 22, 2009, 12:45 PM

It is equally your fault that you are dependent. At 17 you need to start finding your own independence and individuality.
You can not go through life blaming your parents or your bad upbringing.
If you want your boyfriend you are going to have to grow up and prove you are not 'victimized' to the point you need him but that you are independent and WANT him because you love him.
So work on yourself image, get independent, get a job and save money and maybe you could even move where he is in a year or so.
I think he would love the new you.

s_cianci · Jul 22, 2009, 12:54 PM

I think you have a fairly good grip of the situation. No father figure, no love from your mother or any friends so your boyfriend does have to fill in all the gaps. That's an awful lot of ballast to put on one person's shoulders. You're going to need to take the reins and find your own place in the world, one that doesn't involve relying on the approval of your parents or friends. Talking to a counselor may be a good first step.

Torrid13 · Jul 22, 2009, 01:06 PM

LOL Brittie, I gave you the same advice the other people did. You can't give "reddies" for opinions. Read the rules.

You may want to stay with him, but you can't ignore the fact that it takes TWO people to have a relationship. He said your dependency pushed him away. So, work on your dependency issues. Like N0help (and I) said, you can't blame your parents for it. Work on it.

brittie_xoxo · Jul 22, 2009, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

LOL Brittie, I gave you the exact same advice the other people did. You can't give "reddies" for opinions. Read the rules.

You may want to stay with him, but you can't ignore the fact that it takes TWO people to have a relationship. He said your dependency pushed him away. So, work on your dependency issues. Like N0help (and I) said, you can't blame your parents for it. Work on it.

I'm sorry. I'm just in a bad mood. But thanks. C=

N0help4u · Jul 22, 2009, 01:20 PM

Yeah Torrid wasn't saying you can't be with him but that under the circumatances right now it isn't looking good because of your age and resources. Give it time and work on it and hopefully you are able to keep in contact with him and work through everything

Torrid13 · Jul 22, 2009, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by brittie_xoxo

I'm sorry. I'm just in a bad mood. but thanks. C=

It's okay. Sometimes I have those days, too.