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J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 06:41 AM

Um, you do not have parental controls set up? Ouch, sorry, but you said you could take it like a man.

Personally, I would just get rid of it all, set up parental controls, and let him come to me about it. After telling and showing your husband of course. This way your hubby is the bad guy this time, not you.

I would not say anything to him, just do it while he is at school. This way you can sit back and just wait for him to come to you about it. He will be embarrassed that he got caught and know that there is nothing that can get past you. This would be one instance when you "can have your cake and eat it too" in the punishment department.

Your husband needs to handle this, not you.

SINGLE4 · Oct 20, 2006, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Um, you do not have parental controls set up? Ouch, sorry, but you said you could take it like a man.

Personally, I would just get rid of it all, set up parental controls, and let him come to me about it. After telling and showing your husband of course. This way your hubby is the bad guy this time, not you.

I would not say anything to him, just do it while he is at school. This way you can sit back and just wait for him to come to you about it. He will be embarrassed that he got caught and know that there is nothing that can get past you. This would be one instance when you "can have your cake and eat it too" in the punishment department.

Your husband needs to handle this, not you.

Kudos to you J_9! Parental control is a great idea! When you think about it... it is almost common sense! Also I agree with the comment about telling her husband and letting him be the bad guy! If he doesn't see it as a problem then maybe he is the problem!

BIM · Oct 20, 2006, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by SINGLE4

! When you think about it... it is almost common sense!

I do have common sense. I have tried the parental controls, but I am going to have to set them up again.

I did them before, but it seemed "everything" got blocked. For example: I couldn't even get into People.com w/o a bunch of pop-ups.

But I will set them up again.

BIM · Oct 20, 2006, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

I would not say anything to him, just do it while he is at school. This way you can sit back and just wait for him to come to you about it. He will be embarrassed that he got caught and know that there is nothing that can get past you. This would be one instance when you "can have your cake and eat it too" in the punishment department.

Sounds like a good plan that I am going to enforce TONIGHT!

Thank you! See I can take it.:D

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 08:04 AM

YOU GO GIRL!! (man, girl, haha)

First you tell and show dad about this. I stress SHOW dad so that he will believe it and see it with his own eyes.

Then, when step-son comes to you about parental controls, you calmly say "that is something you are going to have to discuss with your father."

End of discussion. Dad will have no choice but to take over now.

BIM · Oct 20, 2006, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!! (man, girl, haha)

First you tell and show dad about this. I stress SHOW dad so that he will believe it and see it with his own eyes.

Then, when step-son comes to you about parental controls, you calmly say "that is something you are going to have to discuss with your father."

End of discussion. Dad will have no choice but to take over now.

I did show dad this morning...

The Plot Thickens...

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 08:08 AM

Ouch, I guess Dad was pretty furious to say the least!

BIM · Oct 20, 2006, 08:15 AM

Dad said, and I quote "That $hit does NOT need to be brought into this house, nor does the computer need to be used for that."

So, I have to say, if I put the parental controls on, it should be handled.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 08:20 AM

Yeppers, sounds like you did just the right thing. Now put 'em on and don't tell the step-son.

Now, I am sure you understand you will have to put parental controls on every account on your computer, including your own, unless you password your account.

You don't want him using the 9 year old's account to access this stuff.

BIM · Oct 20, 2006, 08:25 AM

Yes--I figured that out last night also. He was looking up "female toys" (so to speak) under my son's account.

I noticed a couple of those sights amongst the Nickelodeon, Pokemon, etc... figuring my 9 yr old PROBABLY (hopefully) didn't quite know what those were. :confused:

charlie123 · Oct 20, 2006, 01:13 PM

I was reading your update - & I think it's normal for a 18 year old to be curious about all that sex stuff. I know when we got our computer - that was one of the first things we looked up:) I agree that he shouldn't be looking at it when your 9 year old is around. But I would let it be known what you found. It sounds to me like you have a normal, sexual driven teenager. Of course I'm not sure exactly what he was looking at - but unless it was child pornography - I wouldn't worry about it too much. And as far as your 9 year old being damaged somehow by all this - I very seriously doubt it. Your 9 year old probably already knows quite a bit. Maybe you and your husband could sit him down, talk about all the other positive stuff we were talking about - but tell him that you think you were being a little strict with the phone, internet, etc. And tell him that you installed the parental control a couple of months ago & have been monitoring what both of them have been looking at. You could say - 'so in the future be careful at what web sites you might stumble across'. He will catch your hint & I bet you will never see something like that again. Please don't make a big deal over this - I'm sure when you tell him that you've been monitoring that kind of stuff , he will know he's been caught. Give him a second chance.

kaylenkayeenmom · Aug 13, 2009, 05:40 PM

I agree with the above poster with one exception. This is your home, you stated you work, so your husbands comments that he doesn't want the phone unplugged because he pays the bill, that is absurd.

If you have made it clear that no phone calls are to come in after 9pm on YOUR house phone, then you have every right to enforce that rule, even if the pope is calling.

If your step son's mother wants to call him when SHE wants to, then she should buy her son a cell phone and call him on it. The boy's mother has no right to call your home when she wants to - its not her home, and its not her phone.

Sometimes when your wants and needs are overlooked and you feel powerless, it helps to set some basic rules and then insist they be followed. Even if you have to unplug YOUR phone to enforce those rules. It's about respect, for you, for your home, for your rules.

And I too have a rule in my home, no calls after 9pm - so I totally get where you are coming from.

Take it one step at a time, and hang in there.

HelpinHere · Aug 13, 2009, 05:46 PM

Wow, this thread is two years dead. The stepson would be 20 by now.

The OP hasn't even logged on for over a year. Sorry to tell you this, but your advice is falling on deaf ears.

Maybe try answering posts within the first five pages of the board, those ones are less "dead" than the ones back where this one was. Always check the dates! :)