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ilovechicken · Jul 20, 2009, 04:14 AM

Hi guys I'm new to this, I have been married for about nearly 9 months, me and my husband are very close and I rely on him all the time. He's always there for me when I'm upset about anything he always has my back.. but he has gone on holiday with his sister and its only been 2 days.. I KNOW ITS SAD! Lol but I really miss him... I feel sooooooo low its unbelievable.. how can I stop feeling so low? Please help.

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2009, 04:19 AM

Do you have any hobbies or interests?
It is not good to become so co dependent on someone that you have no life of your own.
You need to get out and get involved in something. Find something you would enjoy doing even after he is back.
When my dad died my mom got involved with Curves and a lot of community activities. She goes to quilting classes and a variety of other things.
How long is he going to be gone?

ilovechicken · Jul 20, 2009, 04:28 AM

Sounds good, You will probably laugh your eyes out but he's gone for a WEEK! Just a WEEK! And I cnt cope.. I guess it shows how attached I am to him and I don't think its healthy... what do you reckon?

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2009, 04:44 AM

My boyfriend has been in jail for two weeks simply because he missed a court review date. He drives me crazy with his negativity and what's the use attitude but it is normal to miss the people in your life no matter what.

When you are as much as in love as you say then it must be 10 times harder but for your own self you should learn to distinquish your love from any codependency.
I know in the 60's and 70's I would notice how when the husband died the women were totally lost and had no identity left for themselves because they had been so wrapped up in their husband. That is unhealthy for yourself image and yourself worth. You need some of you in your life. Even studying stuff on the internet. Like you can look up psychology, relationship topics like co dependency, improving self image, building self esteem/confidence and things like that.
Maybe even find a good online course you can take.

Gemini54 · Jul 21, 2009, 10:14 PM

Don't you have any other friends? Go out for a coffee, a movie, a meal.

Do some gardening, or go through your cupboards and get rid of the stuff you don't need.

Get your favorite cook book and make yourself something nice.

Go to the bookshop or the library and get a good book.

Your life is not your husband, regardless of how much you might love him. Have your own interests and your own life - you'll be much more attractive and interesting to him (and to yourself!) if you do.

This is probably the lesson for you - you're too dependent and need to focus on some other interests.

ilovechicken · Jul 22, 2009, 04:43 AM

I guess your right :) thanks Gemini and N0Help4u..

Jake2008 · Jul 22, 2009, 04:51 AM

I don't think there is anything wrong with you for missing your husband of only 9 months the way you do.

You are newlyweds! And even at that, I've been married 33 years, and I miss my husband terribly when he is out of town.

Try just keeping busy. Get the cleaning jobs done that you can't do with another person around, visit friends and family, have a girl's night barbecue, plan a special dinner for him when he returns.

Missing somebody isn't psychotic or co-dependent, in my opinion. It gets easier with time. The next time he goes away, you won't feel so lost.

redhed35 · Jul 22, 2009, 05:06 AM

Hey,I think its good that you miss him,but instead of sitting around and pineing,get out there,have lots of news for when he gets back..

Piant the kitchen,read a book,meet friends,head off for the day,have your own adventure,this is a great chance for you to explore and find out about you.

Jake2008 · Jul 22, 2009, 05:33 AM

Nohelp, you're right, sitting and stewing is not a good idea, even though she may feel like that's all she wants to do.

Red, all good suggestions to keep busy.

I should qualify my last post too. When my husband goes out of town, I miss him like crazy as I said, but, I also jump for joy, buy a bottle of wine, and order pizza. Lol

N0help4u · Jul 22, 2009, 05:39 AM

Yeah while my boyfriend is *away* I have been enjoying the peace and getting caught up on a few little things that I put off otherwise.
It is rather healthy to miss someone it shows you do have feelings.

jmjoseph · Jul 22, 2009, 05:53 AM

You go right ahead and miss him, but know he'll be coming home soon. Think about the family members of our troops overseas, having to go 6,9,or even 12 months apart. Write your feelings down, the way you feel right now, so one day when things aren't going so well, you can look back on this week. Stay busy, come up with a surprise for him when he gets home.