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Twink24 · Jul 20, 2009, 12:54 AM

Ok so my boyfriend of 5 months is driving me completely crazy. Here are some of the things he does to do so.
- He Checks my face book wall any time he's at a computer messaging any guy who messages me the leave me the hell alone
- He guilt trips me when I go out with my friends
- He guilt trips me when I want a night just to myself
- I get at least 20 phone calls a day from him
- He guilt trips me if I don't text back his hundreds of texts
- He drives by my house to see if my car is there or not and if it isn't calls and asks where I am
- Constantly thinks I'm out and about with other guys or out partying when I tell him I don't feel like hanging out.
- Tells me he never wants to leave me ever (by the way I'm only 18)
- demands I say I Love You after every phone call.
Okay so those are just a few of the things he does to drive me nutty
So I finally told him that I felt that he was smothering me
And he started guilt tripping me saying stuff just to try and get me to stay with him
At this point my feelings for him have completely changed and every time I talk to him I get irritated or aggravated. I really want to get out of this relationship but I don't know how I'm going to do it, I know I will have to hurt some feelings but I want to be very gentle because I feel horrible about it. Im so stuck right now :(
Can anyone give me some advice!

Gemini54 · Jul 20, 2009, 02:12 AM

Yep, get the hell out of the relationship - he's a bully, he's a stalker, he's obsessive, he's needy, he's jealous... need I go on?

Of course his feelings are going to be hurt, and you can guarantee he'll do a few more drive bys, but you can't stay with someone like this.

I'd tell him face-to-face at his house (make sure someone else is there in another room) and then leave. Let him know that you need space and that you don't want to be in a relationship any more. Don't make it about him, make it about you, but be cool, calm and clear and stick to your guns. (no matter how much he pleads and guilt trips you)

Then take him off your Face Book, off your phone and 'batten down the hatches' - because he'll try and change your mind.

I wish · Jul 20, 2009, 06:07 AM

You didn't even have to list so many things. Just 3 or 4 of them is already enough for us to tell you to "GET OUT"

There's no reason for you to be smoothered by someone like this. It's only going to get worse. You deserve better than this.

And you're never stuck. You can get out anytime. It's you who chooses to be stuck. You are in control of your own life.

Worry about yourself before you worry about his feelings. You are the one suffering. So just be honest. Let him know that you don't feel the same way about his anymore. If he's hurt, then he's going to have to recover. It's not your responsibility. You should only be taking care of yourself at this point. Like I said, you deserve better than this.

ZoeMarie · Jul 20, 2009, 06:20 AM

A relationship should NOT feel like this AT ALL. Get out while you can. This guy needs help.

MissRissa · Jul 20, 2009, 01:45 PM

This is a sign of a guy who has no control over his life and is trying to control you. Completely unhealthy. Get out while you still can! You can be polite but you also have to blunt and make it perfectly CLEAR that is over. Good luck!

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2009, 03:24 PM

100% control freak

OR absolutely totally insecure and clingy.

Leave him --the sooner the better.

bassplaya284049 · Jul 20, 2009, 03:43 PM

Every guy u date is going to be clingy to an extent. He clearly loves you dearly and can't stop thinking about you. We're all like that and every guy you date will be a little clingy. You'll never be able to really love a guy if u can't deal with the clingynes.:mad:

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2009, 03:51 PM

I don't know what guys you know but the only clingyness I see from most guys is wanting the girl to cook and clean while they hang out with the guys.
Not what I would call clingyness in the true sense of the word.

bassplaya284049 · Jul 20, 2009, 03:56 PM

When me and my friends like a girl (were really nice guys who seem women as more than sex and cookin) we can't stop thinking about her and talking about her that's the kind of clingyness that any girl is going to deal with

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2009, 04:00 PM

Thinking and talking about her is not clingyness. Clingyness is stuff like when you have to know where they are and what they are doing, obsessiing about if they care enough and being codependent on their happiness.

HelpinHere · Jul 20, 2009, 07:02 PM

As everyone has said, you need to get away from him, and NOW!
I agree with Gimini's suggestion, as that is a viable option on how to do it, just make SURE he knows it's over.

@bassplayer: That is not clingy, look it up.
Clingy: To remain close; resist separation.
Courtesy ~ dictionary.com

Clingy is an obsessiveness to know anything and everything about the person in question, and a physical desire to be with them for it all.

What you are talking about is interest. You can like a girl, think about them all the time, without being clingy.
You yourself are an example of this:
I "cant stop thinking about her and talking about her." You don't say "I have to know where she is, what she is doing, and with who, every second of the day." That is what happens when you like someone, that is NOT being clingy.

Torrid13 · Jul 20, 2009, 07:10 PM

Holy Crudmonkey!

I'm not even dating this guy, let alone KNOW him, and *I'M* feeling smothered. x_x

I respect you're a nice person and don't want to hurt his feelings, but at this point, YOU'RE the one who matters. This guy is already a stalker; things might get messy when you break up with him, so make sure you bring someone along, and be sure to block him from FB. No doubt his stalkerish tendencies will get worse in his attempts to get you back!

*shudders*

450donn · Jul 20, 2009, 07:42 PM

Ger off face book NOW! Change your phone numbers, delete every text or voice mail he sends you. This guy is already showing signs of being a very dangerous person. Get as far away from him as you can. And don't be afraid to contact the police if he does not leave you alone.

maureeeen · Jul 21, 2009, 04:47 AM

Obsessive much? He must not trust you @ all

Jake2008 · Jul 21, 2009, 06:09 AM

People in abused relationships such as you describe, need to get out before it gets physical. Abusers are dangerous, unpredictable people.

Resistance is met with more control, and the sooner you break this toxic relationship, the better.

You cannot worry about hurting his feelings, or feeling guilty for being in control of your own decisions. Tell him in as few words as possible that the relationship is over. Period. You don't need to explain yourself, site examples, explain how his behaviour makes you feel, etc.

If he understood his own behaviour, you would not feel the way you do- he will not understand you breaking up with him, so keep it simple. Don't open yourself up for further pressure by being tricked into believing that he will change, or that he is sincere.

If you are unsure or afraid of meeting him to end the relationship, then email him. Don't back down, don't change your mind, you are doing the right thing in removing this person from your life, and regaining your independence.

When you have broken up with him, please be cautious. Keep track of dates/times that he contacts you, or contacts you through friends. I don't want to scare you, but you may be facing a restraining order to keep him away. Please tell your parents what is going on.

As others have said that understand this type of situation, block his phone number, take him off your Facebook, and if you have any thoughts of being 'friends' with this guy, knock them out of your head.

Please stay strong, you are right in what you are doing, just do it. Please let us know how you made out.

slapshot_oi · Jul 21, 2009, 07:13 AM

Dump this loser.

Kazzam · May 4, 2011, 05:36 PM

I too am experiencing a possessive partner who is controlling and smothering. The difference I'm 52 years old and have only been in this relationship for 8 months. I escaped by packing my stuff and leaving this man whilst he was away visiting his parents, I refused to go with him, telling him I wanted to go away to visit my own family and I took this opportunity to leave. When I told him I had left he became angry and abusive only to then send text messages saying how much he loves me and he can't go on without me, the usual guilt trip type stuff. STUPIDLY, I went back to him, and now, he's got to the point of completely smothering me, I feel as though I can't move, can't breathe, can't live without him phoning, watching, texting and even emailing me when I live in the same house as him. I will again leave, when I find the opportunity, but you are so young, GET OUT NOW. Run Forrest Run... because unless he seeks professional help it will never change, possessive behaviour is a psychological illness and needs to be treated as such. Good luck!!