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autumnrainful · Jul 18, 2009, 12:48 PM

4 threads merged into one.

I want a man who dates me clearly for getting married, and who is carefree and mature. It turns out the last boyfriend is a mom's boy, and current boyfriend is sweet but not that carefree. We have been in a long distance relationship for more than 8 months. We see each other every month. Next week he will pick me up to attend his graduation. We planned to watch Ice Age next week. But today he called me to ask me whether it is OK to bring his grandma with us for the movie. He feels bad if he leaves his grandma alone in the hotel. But he could spend time with his grandma anytime. But the time when we are together is just every month. I feel upset because he seems not to be clear why he has me. He seems to sacrifice me for anything. I am always caring for him, and maybe he forgets I have a heart too, and forgets I needs to be valued and cared too. He always said I am like a mother, because I care about him a lot. But that is because I love him. But I have felt he wants to make the world happy and ignores a woman who loves him.
And I don't know whether he is the person who would marry me at the end. Everything he does seems to me he doesn't have a clear goal to marry me.

Alty · Jul 18, 2009, 12:51 PM

Maybe you expect too much.

You've only been together 8 months, long distance. Is he supposed to give up everything and everyone for you? It's not realistic.

A relationship is give and take, it's also about communication. If you haven't told him how you feel about this, then how is he supposed to know how you feel?

Talk to him about it.

autumnrainful · Jul 18, 2009, 12:55 PM

What is unfair is, I could give up everything and everybody for him.

Alty · Jul 18, 2009, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by autumnrainful

What is unfair is, I could give up everything and everybody for him.

What's unfair is that you expect the same from him.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2009, 02:03 PM

I don't think its fair to get that carried away with thoughts of marriage, after 8 months, in a long distance relationship.

You are way ahead of yourself, and your expectations are not realistic. Its his grandma for chrissake.

I wish · Jul 18, 2009, 05:04 PM

Along the lines of the others, you are expecting too much from a 8 month long distance relationship.

If you've only dated for 8 months and only saw each other every other month, that means you saw each other 4 times? How do you expect him to think about marriage after seeing you so few times.

Why don't you work on strengthing your relationship before you worry about marriage. Is there a way for you two to see each other more often?

autumnrainful · Jul 27, 2009, 03:49 PM

4 threads merged into one.

My boyfriend told me he planned to propose to me at the end of the year. But he and I are still both students. I am a graduate assistant, but he hasn't got a job. He plans to find a part-time job when he enters graduate school this semester. I am just wondering how he could have money to buy me a ring. He said he is more ready every day to get married. I don't know whether he is serious about what he told me about our future plan. He said he didn't want me to wait for him forever, and he already thought about a date for our engagement.

liz28 · Jul 27, 2009, 04:05 PM

Why are so focus on getting engaged?

The two of you have your whole life ahead of you and you need to get stable. He needs to find a job and save for the things he needs.

If the two of you are going be together then you shouldn't force him to get you a ring. A ring doesn't prove nothing.

s_cianci · Jul 27, 2009, 04:06 PM

Getting engaged is fine, even though he probably can't afford a ring right now. But plan on a long engagement (and that's not necessarily a bad thing.)

autumnrainful · Aug 11, 2009, 10:03 PM

4 threads merged into one.

My boyfriend would finally come to my graduate school this fall. I have been looking forward to ending our long distance relationship and starting a regular one.
But tonight on the phone, he said "It's weired to have a regular relationship with you. I have been used to the long distance relationship. There will be a difference." I was uspet to hear his comments. I thought he would be excited to be face to face with me every day. If coming to the same graduate school is for being close to me, he should be very happy now. But he felt weired.
I am hurt by his comments, although he apologied and told me it was the worse choice of word to use. He told me he really loves me and looks forward to seeing me again. But I start to have doubts about him and our relationship.

sweet1028 · Aug 12, 2009, 12:38 AM

This doesn't sound good. It sounds to me like the long distance relationship allows him to spend time with other girls. If he is around you all the time, it will make it hard for him to do that.

I'm not sure if that is really the issue here but it is something to question and to think about.

pixiegurl · Aug 12, 2009, 12:41 AM

Of course it will be a difficult transition for you both, having a face to face relationship can be very full on. Perhaps he is just worried that things won't work out if there is such a huge shift in your relationship? Give him a few days to calm down from the conversation and then talk to him again about it. I wouldn't jump to conclusions that there are other girls he is spending time with just yet, you don't have proof of that.

sweet1028 · Aug 12, 2009, 01:15 AM

She doesn't have proof but, if you were in her situation what would you think? Put yourself in her shoes, it might just be me, but I would wonder why it would be weird.

Gemini54 · Aug 12, 2009, 03:36 AM

I think that you're being oversensitive.

He's just being up front with how it feels - he's a guy and he's probably used to doing his own thing. It is weird to go from LDR to up close and personal. I understand, because it's happened to me.

You're upset because you wanted him to say something else - this happens. He apologized and told you that he loves you - give the poor guy a break and see how it goes.

BTW where did the bit about other girls come from?.

sweet1028 · Aug 12, 2009, 03:40 AM

There is probably not any other girls, I was just thinking of a typical long distance relationship. I'm sorry for posting that. Most guys will cheat in a long distance relationship though.

kctiger · Aug 12, 2009, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by sweet1028

There is probably not any other girls, I was just thinking of a typical long distance relationship. I'm sorry for posting that. Most guys will cheat in a long distance relationship though.

And most girls will accuse guys of cheating as well... I think that statement is way too generalized. My girlfriend went to a HUGE party school while I lived half an hour away... saw her maybe once a week. Both of us were dedicated towards making our relationship work. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? You bet your butt it was! She studied abroad in Europe for a summer and I was scared to death, yet NOTHING happened and when she came home it was one of the best days of my life. As a MAN I have morals and I would NEVER cheat on my significant other... NEVER! Guess I must be abnormal huh?

If two people are dedicated to each other, they won't cheat. I NEVER once thought about cheating and I am pretty sure she didn't either. I was with her halfway through her senior year to her graduation at college and we remained loyal and in love that entire time.

talaniman · Aug 12, 2009, 07:07 AM

Your taking his honest expressions, and turning them into something to personal, and not true. That's an over reaction, I think, and you should just forget it, and enjoy this "new" and better situation with him.

How did you survive the LDR, being so sensitive?

autumnrainful · Aug 19, 2009, 10:04 PM

4 threads merged into one.

I had a crush on him when I was a senior student in college. I thought he was an excellent student. He was student president. But I never had a chance to talk to him. I had one economics class with him. On a Valentine day, I wanted to give him my chocolate, but I thought I was so plain that I felt embarrassed to do that. So I came to the classroom earlier than the rest of the classmates, and put chocolates on each student's desk. When later they came into the classroom, they saw the chocolates. I saw him sit down and eat the chocolate. I felt my heart pounded so fast at the moment.

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 20, 2009, 12:25 AM

How long ago was this? Do you know him personally?

HelpinHere · Aug 20, 2009, 06:54 AM

If you put it on every student's desk, then there is no way he could have known it was from you.

Sorry, but I don't think him "accepting" it means anything.

If you really like him, just ask him. It's no big deal. I'm assuming you've graduated, but do you still have contact with him? If he is no part of your life, why are you bringing this up now? (Just curious.)