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Huskerguy · Jul 16, 2009, 05:36 PM

I know a girl that works at a gas station I deliver the gas to. I finally called her when I was off work last week and asked her if she would like to have lunch with me. She said yes and we met at Applebees for lunch. When she gets there she tells me she should mention she does have a boyfriend. I asked her why she didn't let me know when I called. She said she still wanted to have lunch with me. We talked about our families, jobs, education and lives. I did ask about her boyfriend and she mentioned it wasn't very well and that he has some problems. I didn't ask too much more about him but I thought there was a pretty good chance we could still eventually date. We exchanged phone numbers and let each other go with a hug.

She ends up texting me at about 6pm the same night and says she was very surprised I asked her to lunch. She said she was speechless since 4pm trying to think of what to text me. She mentioned she did think about me last weekend. She said she just wished she knew what the future had in store for her (meaning her boyfriend situation). She said she didn't want to hurt me. We texted for awhile and I went to bed.

The next morning she texts me at 530am telling me good morning and to have a good day. We ended up texting back and forth all day long. Mainly about what was going on while she was working and asking me what made me so attracted to her. When she got off work she texted me saying she would think about me while she was doing her gas numbers tomorrow morning. I said I would think about her too and let her go. I ended up texting her again at like 7pm telling her I enjoyed feeling her through texting today and that I wanted to know when I could see her again(outside of work). She said she probably shouldn't and that she was sorry she dug us into this hole. I didn't respond right away so she texts me back asking if I was mad and if I hated her. I was wondering why after all day texting like we did she wouldn't agree to seeing me again so I told her I needed to be left alone and didn't text her back the rest of the night. Was this childish? I just felt like she was being a tease so I got pissed.

I ended up texting her the next day telling her that I couldn't do this as long as she had a boyfriend and that texting her the day before felt too much like a relationship but if she was ever single that I'd like her to keep me in mind. She texts me saying she was really sorry, that she enjoys talking to me but she does love her boyfriend and has a lot with him. She said she was sorry she hurt me. I texted back :) take care. I was actually really hurt but that's the only thing I could think to text. I didn't want to act like she hurt me.

I have known this girl for about 8 months and have always felt a connection with her in the store when I come there. We're both shy so it took me forever to finally ask her to lunch. She was surprised because I never really let her know that I was interested till I called. Before I called her I literally couldn't stop thinking about her for 2 weeks but always failed to tell her whenever I went into the store, so I finally just called her. I am worried that I have totally ruined it with her now. I know she liked me. From our lunch together up till I blew it with my childish text about wanting to be left alone. I feel like total crap about all this cause I feel so much for her. I didn't mean to make it seem like she has to ditch her boyfriend for me but I think that's what I did. So did I ruin any possible chance with her from all this? Does she think I'm a real weirdo with too deep of feelings for her right away? I need some words of encouragement to help me cope. I haven't talked to her for 2 days now since our texts. Thanks for listening!

Justwantfair · Jul 16, 2009, 05:54 PM

Until she breaks up and recovers from her current relationship (1 month for every 6 months of dating) she is OFF limits, so stop analyzing and leave her alone.

Khmerbodian · Jul 16, 2009, 05:59 PM

Texting is not a relationship... stupid technology! What ever happened to a real life person to person relationship? You felt like you were in a relationship simply by texting her? You should leave her alone it sounds to me like you're causing her confusion in her relationship.If you were with her would you want her texting some guy?

Khmerbodian · Jul 16, 2009, 06:00 PM

I said relationship a lot haha

Huskerguy · Jul 16, 2009, 06:42 PM

Ouch... you guys are relentless. Obviously I did a good job of sounding like a child in this post. I guess we were both just a couple of children for flirting through texting and I was an even bigger child for thinking it actually felt like I still had a connection with her through a text. I guess I'll always have the wonderful lunch we had together to keep me warm. Thanks for the help!

Khmerbodian · Jul 16, 2009, 06:43 PM

Aaw now you made me feel bad! Shame on her for leading you on! I'm sure you can do much better than that.. start with a single girl! >.<

Torrid13 · Jul 16, 2009, 07:22 PM

Well, I don't think she should have given you hope by going to lunch with you. I'm not saying she wasn't attracted to you, but it was wrong of her to give you the illusion she was willing to leave her boyfriend for you when she had no intention of doing so.

I would move on with your life. If perhaps she is single in the future, you can think about dating her, but do you really want to be with someone that gets involved with others guys while dating someone else?

I think the answer would be no, but that's up to you.

Good luck.

Huskerguy · Jul 16, 2009, 07:25 PM

Well I kind of felt like she was very unsure with what she wanted. I really do know that she liked me. I know we felt the same thing at lunch. We met after she got off work at 1:30 but she went home first and changed before she came to Applebees to meet me so I don't think she would have took the time to get dolled up if she didn't want to look extra good for me. And she did look good but I told her I liked her in her work clothes just fine.

I just got really dumb for some reason when we kept texting. The texting just really made me want to see her. We weren't texting anything real sexual but it was enough to make me want to be with her. So when she said she probably shouldn't I thought..? I usually don't get so sensitive but I told her I wanted to be left alone when she said she shouldn't see me. I wish I would have quizzed her a little more now instead of getting so dumb. Then to top it off I pretty much gave her an ultimatum without realizing it. I didn't expect her to just drop her boyfriend for me, I was just upset why she still wouldn't just see me. I think the whole situation kind of scared her so texting made her feel more comfortable. I'm an idiot. I still don't really want to do texting and flirty stuff like that while she has a boyfriend but I'm afraid that I totally blew it altogether with her and she thinks I'm a real weirdo now. I haven't been back into her store since but beings she thinks she really hurt me bad I wonder how she'll act next time. I wonder if I should even try to talk to her much or just leave her alone now.

Torrid13 · Jul 16, 2009, 07:40 PM

When you asked for time alone, that wasn't dumb at all. You needed time to digest the information she gave you. She might have liked you, but she liked you when she really wasn't supposed to: she was (and is) in a committed relationship.

You're not a weirdo, you're just not sure what to think. She hasn't been the most straight-forward woman ever, and of course anyone would get confused. I would just leave her alone now, though, and probably start looking for someone else. The awkwardness will eventually fade away; just act normally and she'll start acting normally again, too. But if she starts flirting with you, tell her that you will not flirt with her while she has a boyfriend. Don't let her run you around!

Huskerguy · Jul 16, 2009, 07:56 PM

Thanks for the kind words. I probably shouldn't have gotten her number after lunch and just told her that if she was ever single to keep me in mind. I guess I kind of set myself up for this.

She said at lunch that she's been in the relationship for about a year. But she said it wasn't very good and her boyfriend has some problems. So of course I thought she's probably not going to be with him much longer anyway, big mistake! It's just that lunch went so well with her. I mean seriously, it was like a movie moment. That's the worst part of the whole thing. I do hurt when I think about that. Cause she got so unsure and confusing later. I still should have probably taken a step back and waited for her to break up with her boyfriend before I got her number. It was just a momentary thing, I wanted her bad. =o)

I'll take your advice and just act normal when I go in there and see how things go. If she's always this confusing though I'm not sure what I'll end up doing. I'll see how I feel around her after time again. Thanks!

Torrid13 · Jul 16, 2009, 08:05 PM

Eh, don't get down on yourself. It took a lot of courage to ask her out, and you did! I hate when those movie moments happen and then suddenly something happens and it quickly becomes a horror story. Well, in my cases anyway. Haha.

You will probably hurt for a little bit, especially since you took so much time getting the courage to ask her out, but I have no doubt that someone as nice as you will find someone soon! Limiting contact with her, as much as it hurts in the beginning, will help you heal faster. Sounds crazy, but it's true!

If she's always this confusing, find a woman that's a little less confusing! Because we all know women aren't completely confuse-free, right? ;)

Huskerguy · Jul 16, 2009, 08:18 PM

You're very good at this. You want to be my psychologist? :)

I actually feel much better now. I still have her darn pretty face in my head but my gut doesn't ache as bad anymore. Thanks Torrid!

Torrid13 · Jul 16, 2009, 08:25 PM

Haha, well thank you. I'm studying psychology. :)

But seriously, it's always easier to give advice when you can relate to what the person is going through and have experienced yourself. AMHD is a get website to show people they're not alone!

Just keep your chin up and everything will work out as it should! :)

Huskerguy · Jul 16, 2009, 08:30 PM

Thanks! :)

MaddieLove · Aug 3, 2009, 12:46 PM

She allowed you to feel you had a chance with her by her actions, actions speak longer than words, however if she allowed you to feel like that when she has a man, shell do the same thing to you.

BABYGIRL09 · Aug 3, 2009, 03:20 PM

When since does "having lunch" constitute the beginning of a relationship or mean that "I like you." Real realtionships just don't begin like that... they take time... obviously she took time to get where she is with her boyfriend. If she breaks up with him,its going to take time to heal also... so I suggest you move along caus either way... you aren't going to get first place for now. IF YOU ARE TO BE TOGETHER, NOTHING WILL STOP YOU FROM BEING TOGETHER. LOVE WILL Make A WAY... IT ALWAYS DOES... AL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE. Just leave it all to time.

s_cianci · Aug 3, 2009, 03:28 PM

I don't think you "ruined" anything as far as what was there to begin with. She has a boyfriend who she's ambivalent about. She obviously has shown a friendly interest in you as well. You can certainly reciprocate that same friendly interest but don't bank on it becoming anything more, at least not for a long time. If and when she uses her boyfriend as a "put the brakes on" tactic, don't act hurt or surprised ; instead, go right along with it by saying something like "yeah, I understand. And actually I agree with you." Then continue to carry on as if nothing had happened. She'll decide soon enough where she stands with her boyfriend and, consequently, where she stands with you.