[soleman]

This is a unique problem that I am not quite sure what to do about it. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 14 years, living together for maybe 10. During the past 2 years our relationship has stagnated into more housemates instead of lovers. We are good friends and get along very well, just no sex or intimtacy any longer. I don't know why, but I'm okay with that. The problem is this: She has a full-time job, does all the cleaning, cooking, clothes washing, all the domestic in-door chores, while I do all the outdoor things. She drives a car I bought for her, although it's basically her car, it's in my name. Even though the house is paid for, she pays $550 a month toward household bills. Is it fair for me to keep expecting this money every month? Especially since she takes care of all the housekeeping chores? I want to be fair so please be honest with me. Thanks

[dancingtwins]

I think that as long as it is a mutal decision and you make sure you tell her how much she is appreciate than it's OK

[momincali]

She would actually be the best person to ask. That you've become roomates and sex life has seized and you guys seem okay with it seems to be a more important topic than if you're being fair expecting money, but what you discuss with her is up to you...

The work she's doing around the house is substantial, but it's her house too because she lives there. If you told her that you think you shouldn't accept her money anymore because of all her work, that may offend her and make her feel like a maid who's being paid versus a roommate. Instead, take the initiative of doing some of her chores, relieve her load. I think that its more important to show consideration for her work efforts than her monetary contributions.

However, I still think it's best to talk to her about it.

[talaniman]

I think you should talk to her and see how she feels about it. If you don't need her contribution to the household needs tell her and let her decide for herself. I think the two of you are doing very well so far. Just curious about your ages though. Obviously this relationship has worked well so talking will bring about a solution you both can live with. I agree with dancingtwins, make sure she knows how much she is appreciated.

[Skell]

Maybe asking her to marry you might spice things up a bit. That might be completely wrong of me and naïve as I'm not married but could just this little act be something that brings some spark back into things. I don't know. Maybe some others could add more here?

10 years is a long time and it might be really unexpected if you pop the question now. Why haven't you before now can I ask?

As far as your other issues I agree with the others. Talk to her. COMMUNICATION.

Im sure if you talk you will be able to work out something that you both think is fair.

[s_cianci]

When you come right down to it, $550 a month probably isn't all that unreasonable. Do the math ; how much are your household bills now, with her living there, and how much would they be if she weren't living there? Take into account the expenses for a second car (which you wouldn't need if she weren't living there with you), added utility use, added food costs, etc. Although she does all of the "indoor chores", keep in mind that her being there causes half the work ; your indoor chores would only literally be half as extensive if you were living there alone without her. Since she's living there with you (I gather from the tone of your post that there are no children involved) it's certainly not unreasonable to expect her to share in the household expenses, especially since you're living like "housemates" without any intimacy (which I gather is not totally to your liking.) Now if you were legally married and consorting like husband and wife then my answer to your question might be different. But, under the circumstances, $550 a month is not unreasonable (I wish I could live that cheaply lol.)