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Chey5782 · Jul 13, 2009, 12:34 PM

I keep answering with my thoughts to other people's issues so I figure I can bee less cryptic and ask my own.

My husband and I are expecting, this is his first baby, and he's 35. I am 27 and this is my third. We're very open to DISCUSSING things sexually, we laugh a lot, and all that jazz. So I don't typically stress, even the missionary is great. But lordy lord... He's tried 5 positions now because of my cheer-leading skills, and is still very hesitant in bed. If he gets frustrated at all even the sexy crooning of encouragement doesn't work. We might as well just order a pizza. That's just background so you can answer more easily.

Here's the actual issue! Now that we're expecting, the sex life has well... Flown to Bermuda. I've tried to discuss it with him, but he doesn't seem sure why he's disinterested. I assumed, that it was the typical new daddy phobia of hurting the baby, and for a week or so we both went with that option, but that doesn't really seem to be it. I can't figure out if it's because I am bigger and that's not sexually interesting to him, (not that he is shallow, just me being realistic.) or if he thinks the baby might kick him, or if it's all just so new to him the entire concept is scary. How do I get my repressed hubby to let me jump him? Pregnant women are not fun to upset... tee-hee

And believe you me, I'll try anything if I think he would give it a go. Thanks! You poor men are most welcome to respond too, I need perspective.

bronzebabe · Jul 13, 2009, 01:57 PM

Some guys worry they will hurt the baby. Some guys just aren't turned on by a pregnant woman.
You need to ask him what the REAL problem is, and listen to what he says. he truthfully may not know.
IF he is in the delivery room, keep him where your head is. Seeing the birth often freaks a guy out for Months!

Chey5782 · Jul 13, 2009, 02:03 PM

Hahahahahaha! I have already thought of that! I figure I will let him decide in the moment. No way in hell am I bringing that one up! Then he will dwell on it for the next 4 months!!

I have a feeling I am just going to have to go above and beyond to make him willing. I just hope it isn't like this a year from now. Those would be seducin' words.

artlady · Jul 13, 2009, 02:09 PM

I remember not getting any during my pregnancy and it was a combination of things that sent my man into a spin.

One,he looked on me as someone he needed to protect and nurture and he felt he should be cuddling me instead of having sex with me.

The other was the fear of not being able to really let go during sex and the fear of harming the baby.

No amount of reassurance,even from my Doctor could persuade him to feel differently.

Here is a link for men,perhaps this will be of some help.Best of luck with your new baby!
Sex During Pregnancy: The Great Divide | Pregnancy.org

Chey5782 · Jul 13, 2009, 02:46 PM

I have a feeling it is the same thing with him, but it is comforting to hear it back from someone else. He talks about cuddling all the time! I do enjoy a good snog here and there, but darnit. I want my mojo to work... lol I'll read this article with him and see if he has any input. He tends to be open about these conversations as long as I am willing to discuss other subject as well and not only harp on sex. Oh no... now I have that song stuck in my head.. "I want your sex."

Impressionable.. lol

jenniepepsi · Jul 13, 2009, 04:06 PM

I also remember not even WANTING sex during pregancy. But AFTER, oh boy.

Every woman is different. And every man is different.

bronzebabe · Jul 13, 2009, 04:54 PM

The only one of mine that I wanted to actually HAVE sex while I was pregnant with was my daughter. When I was pregnant with the boys, I didn't want to be looked at.
After I had each of the kids, I was drained. I think we are all different.

Gemini54 · Jul 13, 2009, 05:51 PM

Can you mix things up a bit? Perhaps you could start gently, with him masturbating you and you could then arouse him and encourage him to penetrate you?

If he's naturally hesitant in bed, then your sexual desire during pregnancy might be freaking him out... could you sort of switch things so that somehow he takes the initiative more than you? You know what I mean, let him lead and take the more 'masculine' role?

Chey5782 · Jul 13, 2009, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Can you mix things up a bit? Perhaps you could start off gently, with him masturbating you and you could then arouse him and encourage him to penetrate you?

If he's naturally hesitant in bed, then your sexual desire during pregnancy might be freaking him out .... could you sort of switch things so that somehow he takes the initiative more than you? You know what I mean, let him lead and take the more 'masculine' role?

Ew, a top is a top is a top honey. He knew what he was getting into when he married me... lol I HAVE tried easing up a bit though, he has tells when he is thinking about it. Honestly, I can think of 50 things off the top of my head that we could do sexually that would be just as interesting and pleasing. Maybe I will try focusing on those and see how it goes, that's a wonderful idea, thanks!

Gemini54 · Jul 13, 2009, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by Chey5782

Ew, a top is a top is a top honey. he knew what he was getting into when he married me...lol I HAVE tried easing up a bit though, he has tells when he is thinking about it. Honestly, I can think of 50 things off the top of my head that we could do sexually that would be just as interesting and pleasing. Maybe I will try focusing on those and see how it goes, that's a wonderful idea, thanks!

Cool! Go for it. I hope you like being in the more 'feminine' role...

brucep49 · Jul 14, 2009, 12:12 AM

From a man's point of view I thought it was icky at first and thinking the same thing but once you got it in and things are feeling good it's like 18 all over again. With my first son, my wife's 4th, it was like candy. Then with my daughter, her 5th, it was like drilling for oil and waiting for it to erupt. Note: I'm white and she's black and married for 11 years.

Being in a interratial relationship is hot. We're always active in and out of the house. When we first met I was all over her and surprisingly she was all over me. We did it in every room, anywhere we went, during the day and outside at night. It was like I was born again. So don't worry be happy! CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY!

smoothy · Jul 14, 2009, 05:25 AM

Well you can assure him that he won't dent the kids head or poke its eye out to start with.

I think some peoples initial reaction is there is a baby in there and they don't want to hurt it... what many fail to think about is its like a two bedroom apartment, and the baby is in its own room.

Chey5782 · Jul 14, 2009, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by brucep49

From a man's point of view I thought it was icky at first and thinking the same thing but once you got it in and things are feeling good it's like 18 all over again. With my first son, my wifes 4th, it was like candy. Then with my daughter, her 5th, it was like drilling for oil and waiting for it to erupt. Note: I'm white and she's black and married for 11 years.

Being in a interratial relationship is hot. We're always active in and out of the house. When we first met I was all over her and surprisingly she was all over me. We did it in every room, anywhere we went, during the day and outside at night. It was like I was born again. So don't worry be happy! CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY!

Heck yeah!

kp2171 · Jul 15, 2009, 09:05 PM

Stress can kill libido... even if the interest in you is as strong as ever, the hormone imbalance can run that train off the tracks. Doesn't give him a free pass to ignore your needs, but it is a real, well, reality...

Of course your hormones are making you want him more... now... or sooner.

How are you about self stim with him present? If he isn't quite as driven, would he be willing to bite at your neck or ears while you self stim?

Something to consider.

Personally, I find it incredibly arousing when a lover "self helps", but your man might be wired differently and that's fine... just a suggestion.