[cjc]

Ok here is my situation.. My husband is Military.. we have been married for 3 months.. I am a stay at home mother and wife... since I just moved to the US from Canada.. I cannot get a job as of now.. I am very devoted to my husband and kids... I do everything for everyone to be happy and taken care of all my husband has to do when he comes home is relax and pay attention to his family... but my problem is that I feel my husband doesn't appreciate what I do and takes me for granted.. I am a career woman.. and I had to give up so much to be here with my husband.. ie.. my country.. my career.. and one of my kids... all I do now is clean.. do laundry.. run errands.. iron.. and cook for my hubby... I look forward to him coming home after school and spending time with me since I don't have a job he is my only focus in life.. so when he comes home from school.. and doesn't pay much attention to me or everything I did all day to make his life easier.. it just tears me apart and we get into these huge argument about it.. I need to know how to get my hubby to appreciate me a little more.. how to get him not to take me for granted..

Someone please help

[s_cianci]

Take a few days off, if you get my drift. Go stay with a friend or relative or even in a motel without telling him where you are, of course. If he raises a stink, simply say something like "Well, you know that what I do around here really isn't all that important so what's the big deal?" Once he starts to miss you I think he'll turn over a new leaf.

[J_9]

Wow, you are in the new role of wife and mother.

Men who work outside the home and have someone at home tend not to know what is going on.

No disrespect here guys, you really should not know, it is our "job" to take care of this while you are at work, so you have less stress at home.

We tend to take our men for granted too. Many husbands work hard and have very stressful lives at work. Sometimes we don't see what they have to go through in their daily lives, as they don't see what we do for them.

They work for a living to pay the bills, keep a roof over our heads, food in our mouts, we stay at home and take care of kids and keep the house clean, laundry done, etc...

It is hard for us to appreciate the hard work and/or studying they do to make sure we are taken care of.

It is all a give and take system. Maybe you two need a date night to spend time other than arguing and learn to enjoy one another again.

[AKaeTrue]

I went through this with my husband some time ago.
Housework and laundry is an endless, thankless job that only gets noticed when it's not done...
J_9 advise is great.
You know what I did... I kept my normal routine of cleaning and laundry, but without saying anything to my husband, I stopped cleaning (and using) the toilet in the master bathroom as that's the one he used most often. I wanted him to see and realize what would happen if I stopped cleaning. It took him a really, really long time to say something... but finally he did... "Kae, whats happening to the toilet?", he asks. I said, "I stopped cleaning it since you don't appreciate cleanliness." Well, come to find out, as a surprise to him, he did appreciate a clean house, but had never had the chance to realize it before.

[gulsum]

Hİ! I'm GÜlsÜm
I'm From Turkey. I Want To Talkİng You.but I Don't Know Englİsh Very Very Good.. Please Help Me.

[wolfboy]

You have to remember though that there are men out there who do appreciate what you do.

Take me for example.
I work five 12 hour shifts a week. They are all overnight But yet when I get home in the morning I spend the first couple hours cleaning up then I go to bed just to get back up and do it all over again.

But my personall fillings about it are everything that I do makes my wife's life a little easier.

I don't sit around filling unapreciated at all. Just the look on my wife's face is enough apreciation for me.

[kp2171]

I think its hard when you have worked outside the home and then transition to working in the home. I'm in a role reversal, as my wife's work had kept her increasingly busier out of the home, and I was tending to do more household stuff anyway as my schedule allowed for it more. Then about two years ago I quit all outside work to stay at home with my infant son for a time. For the most part, any work I do for money is on flexible time and comes after the household stuff.

I went through some of the same frustrations. In part because I wasn't necessarily good at organizing my time... getting the house together seemed to take all day, and even then it wasn't great. My mother could do three times what I did in a third of the time. And we had our fallouts about it as well... especially in that first year or so.

chances are he's not being mean spirited about it, its just something he doesn't understand. I know this isn't the same as his telling you that you are doing a good job. In business you have realistic benchmarks that let you know when people think your work in good. At home, you have never ending task that at its best, is what is "expected"... blah.

my time with my little one is almost done, at least full time. All I can tell you is you also need to find a way to simply ne comforted knowing what you are doing is making your familys life better, whether it gets said or not. Its kind of a no news is good news situation unfortunately... when the wheels are greased and everything runs great its easy to look right through the work that is done. But in the office, if the cleaning crew misses one day of emptying the trash, everyone's grumpy about it. =P