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UglyChick009 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:09 PM

Because I am, I'm not a gorgeous 20 year old, I'm an ugly 20 year old. I was always teased in school because of this and I have never felt beautiful, there's just nothing special about my face. I have a boyfriend and he's very sweet and respectful but his exes are all prettier and he of course loves looking at pretty women (based on his celebrity crushes).

Now, don't get me wrong, I do think other men are good looking, but not in a sexual way. I just can't think of other men in a sexual way. I don't know why. I can't look at other people (men or women) and get aroused, not even in porn.

And you know what? I'm sick of it. Because men feel entitled to "look" at gorgeous, naked women as much as they want. It's like their right. They always defend porn, strip clubs and ogling in the street. Even the most respectful man (like my boyfriend) will look around when he's alone, because it's in their genetic make up. Sometimes I wish I was a man that way I wouldn't have to worry about my looks and I could get away with ogling.

Because women like me, who weren't blessed with good looks, have to accept these things. Porn, strip clubs (because even if my boyfriend doesn't go, I'm sure he would like to, and also one of his friends is getting married soon, and well he also wants to marry me, so... ), and just "appreciating" the beauty of random women on TV or in the street.

No matter how much I exercise, wear nice clothes or do my make up right, why bother? I will never look like the "ideal"! My breasts won't grow anymore, my face won't suddenly change... and I'm not fat so it's not something that can be fixed by going to the gym. WHY BOTHER? If, by the end of the day, men will still think women in TV, magazines or porn are ideal. Even if they're fake, men don't care. They're ideal. These women look good without the airbrushing, at least they look better than me because their bodies are more proportioned.

And it's always said it's a self esteem issue. Oh, really? Way to make me feel better! So men can get away with ogling ALL they want, and this discomfort is still MY FAULT? REALLY! So I have to feel wonderful about myself, even though my boyfriend (or any other man) has the right to masturbate over beautiful, perfect women? Or want threesomes, and have every "man movie" be about explosions and tons of nudity. Is that supposed to make me feel wonderful about myself? Is that really acceptable and cool? Am I the only one who thinks this society has no real priorities?

Look, I know appearance isn't everything, but when you're bombarded by images of perfection, how do you expect some women, like me, to not feel like crap? (maybe I'm weaker than some enlightened ones). Are we bombarded by ideals of perfection regardind personality? Not as much... being kind, generous, talented and smart isn't really emphasized like being beautiful and hot is! At the very least, you're encouraged to be competitive, which isn't good either. But good traits? Forget it, IT's ALL ABOUT LOOKS!

There are ugly people out there, like me, who're SICK of being put down by the media and somehow expected to have glowing self esteem and just accept it.

So what can I do? I refuse to believe this is all my fault because I have low self esteem. Yes, self esteem plays a part, but it's not ALL my fault, right? I feel very frustrated and embarrassed and I hate looking at the mirror. I hate my appearance.

kctiger · Jul 10, 2009, 12:20 PM

You are delusional if you think that as a guy I don't have to worry about how I look. Your negativity makes you ugly, as I would assume you are a naturally beautiful girl otherwise. Please don't generalize all of us guys as superficial and as "pigs."

Good vent... are you done, or do you want to vent some more? I have NEVER called any woman ugly, and I refuse to believe there is such a thing. I have my tastes, but because I am not attracted to someone doesn't mean they are ugly. NEVER say that about yourself. Look at the positives you have in your life.

Justwantfair · Jul 10, 2009, 12:21 PM

Self-esteem isn't a fault, but it is in your control.

You have a boyfriend who seems very devoted to you, yet you are concerned that his devotion isn't genuine because other women are attractive. Believe me, there is always someone more attractive then the most attractive female, why?? Because men have different likes and desires. I could tell you I think Pamela Anderson is ugly, but another man will tell she is drop dead gorgeous.

You have to love who you are, try these sites, don't expect too much to fast. Most people have been building on themselves esteem their entire lives.

Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide

Building Self-esteem - Introduction, National Mental Health Information Center

Hope this helps a little. :)

UglyChick009 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:27 PM

I'm sorry that I sound bitter, but it just seems pointless trying to be attractive, because I'm genuinely ugly, if men always make excuses such as "I can't help it, it's my biology". And as I said, even the most respectful guy will check out other women, and that makes me feel bad. And I'm sorry, but guys don't have as much pressure to be hot. They have financial pressure, pressure to be strong, etc. But not necessarily "handsome". That's why you see gorgeous women with not so attractive men all the time. And why if a guy is 15 lbs. overweight it doesn't look as bad as if a woman is 15 lbs. overweight.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter, again, I apologize, but unless you're genuinely ugly, you don't know what it feels like, especially for a woman, to see how men go gaga over women who I will never look like, not even if I worked out all day and had plastic surgery... and it sucks, because it's often said that looks are the least important quality, but it doesn't seem like it. I'm not saying men are pigs, just that it's their biology to look and want gorgeous women, and that's why they use porn too, because that way they can have variety without cheating... if only porn stars looked more like normal women, though!

redhed35 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:28 PM

WOW, I'm impressed,I have not heard a rant like that is ages,you may think your not beautiful,but by god you can rant!

Your right,men look.. so what. They look.

And them,just one little thing,tiney teeny,the man that loves you and wants you to be his wife,he probably thinks your beautiful,of course he is bombarded with beauty from all angles,but,he picked YOU.
He sees the beauty in you,on you,your face,your body,. and you don't.

kctiger · Jul 10, 2009, 12:29 PM

I am "handsome" and I don't have a girlfriend...

You consider yourself "genuinely ugly" and you have a boyfriend...

Your mindset is flawed. If you are ugly it is because you believe it to be so. Seriously, you aren't ugly!

Justwantfair · Jul 10, 2009, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by UglyChick009

I'm sorry that i sound bitter, but it just seems pointless trying to be attractive, because I'm genuinely ugly, if men always make excuses such as "I can't help it, it's my biology". And as i said, even the most respectful guy will check out other women, and that makes me feel bad. And I'm sorry, but guys don't have as much pressure to be hot. They have financial pressure, pressure to be strong, etc. But not necessarily "handsome". That's why you see gorgeous women with not so attractive men all the time. And why if a guy is 15 lbs. overweight it doesn't look as bad as if a woman is 15 lbs. overweight.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter, again, I apologize, but unless you're genuinely ugly, you don't know what it feels like, especially for a woman, to see how men go gaga over women who I will never look like, not even if I worked out all day and had plastic surgery... and it sucks, because it's often said that looks are the least important quality, but it doesn't seem like it. I'm not saying men are pigs, just that it's their biology to look and want gorgeous women, and that's why they use porn too, because that way they can have variety without cheating... if only porn stars looked more like normal women, though!

You are so entirely wrong to think this is exclusively a female concern. I wouldn't refer back to it again. Men are just as insecure as women are, sometimes more so. If you aren't walking in those shoes, don't talk about them.

UglyChick009 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:32 PM

Not really, I asked him and of course he thinks Monica Bellucci, Elisha Cuthbert and most pornstars look better than me, but that it's OK "because I LOVE YOU, not them".

He picked me because I play guitar and know my books... not because I'm beautiful. You know how you always want what you can't have? Well I've always wanted to be pretty... one guy at school once told me I should get some plastic surgery, because I'm ugly butr there's still hope for me...

jmooney527 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:34 PM

You sound very angry. There is always someone better looking than the next, and even the most "beautiful" people have self esteem issues... so don't think you're alone and that being good looking is everything. It is self esteem. Obviously your boyfriend finds you attractive and he sees something in you that maybe you don't.

And it's not just men that look at other women... women do it too, so please don't play the gender game. I have plenty of friends that are girls that look at other guys, that look at porn, etc. I understand it might be frustrating if you don't do these things, but most do.

The point is, and the place to start, is yourself esteem. If you find yourself ugly, others will as well. Attractiveness is a reflection of yourself. If you feel beautiful, others will see you that way. If you constantly deny compliments people give you, hold all this anger, blame the media, etc, you aren't going to get anywhere.

With this level of anger, I would seek counseling. Or maybe you do need to just vent like KC said. The question is what do you really want? The media isn't going to go away and neither is porn.

Justwantfair · Jul 10, 2009, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by UglyChick009

Not really, I asked him and of course he thinks Monica Bellucci, Elisha Cuthbert and most pornstars look better than me, but that it's ok "because I LOVE YOU, not them".

He picked me because I play guitar and know my books... not because I'm beautiful. You know how you always want what you can't have? Well I've always wanted to be pretty... one guy at school once told me I should get some plastic surgery, because I'm ugly butr there's still hope for me....

I am unsubscribing now.

It's one thing to have self-esteem issues, it's another to be ignorant and stubborn about your issues.

If you wish to address the problem, read the advice. If you wish to carry on a moaning session for pity, then carry on, but I don't have advice to give for self-absorbed whining that isn't listening.

redhed35 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:39 PM

I really don't want to say this but... I would'nt marry a guitar or a book,I would'nt have sex with them and I pretty much would not like to spend the rest of my life with them alone...

OK,the question. If you want to change your looks,why don't you?

New haircut,colour,eye lash inserts,colour contacts,push up bras,creams,lotions for skin.
The list and the expense goes on.

jmooney527 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:42 PM

Here's a thought, instead of lashing out and then "apologizing" for it afterwards, just don't lash out... otherwise no one will want to give you advice.

You sound too angry and blameful of media/men to be receptive to any advice right now. So until you change your attitude you aren't going to change anything.

UglyChick009 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:42 PM

Look. It's not a lack of self esteem. I know I'm good at some stuff... I'm smarter than a lot of girls... I suck with numbers, but I'm great with letters... I'm artistic, a musician, but I also write, paint and draw... I'm generous, etc...

It's just I can't live deluded thinking I'm beautiful when I'm not. Sometimes you are, sometimes you aren't. I know I'm smart, but I'm not pretty.

Check out this website... this man says beauty is exclusive, therefore, not everyone can be beautiful:

Feminine beauty : The type of beauty that befits a woman
(NSFW)

And I already tried counseling, it didn't help. Maybe I came to the wrong forum... I've read in other places online about women like me.

Sorry for wasting your time.

jolienoire · Jul 10, 2009, 12:45 PM

Simple answer how can you expect others to see the beauty in you, when you don't believe you are beautiful? You believe your ugly therefore it shows in your attitude.
It is making you bitter.

No object in this world is so beautiful that under certain circumstances it will not look ugly.

You're biggest conflict is yourself. Beauty make capture some people attention but it's the personality that captures people heart.

You truly need to work on your self-esteem. I bet you are not ugly as you say.

kctiger · Jul 10, 2009, 12:45 PM

Here is some useful knowledge for you, as a man. Things we "guys" have to worry about:

1. Do we have an attractive body
2. REJECTON!! We are the ones who are expected to ask the girl out... we are the ones who get told "no" on a constant basis... it SUCKS
3. What happens if we leave the toilet seat up?
4. PMS week... aka hell week
5. Societal norms of being strong, can't be too emotional or weak
6. Making sure that our girlfriends or wives are happy on a constant basis

Life is what you make of it. Sit there and moan about not being pretty, well do something about it! Or, stay in a constant state of unrealistic BS that you continue to drown yourself with.

UglyChick009 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by redhed35

i really dont want to say this but.....i would'nt marry a guitar or a book,i would'nt have sex with them and i pretty much would not like to spend the rest of my life with them alone...

ok,the question. if you want to change your looks,why dont you?

new haircut,colour,eye lash inserts,colour contacts,push up bras,creams,lotions for skin.
the list and the expense goes on.

It wouldn't make much of a difference. And that's... life, I guess. I don't like feeling fake, though. That's why I rule out contacts, hair extensions and implants... My bone structure won't change, etc. I have good skin, for example, but that doesn't make me pretty if I have low density hair. Or a man-jaw.

Justwantfair · Jul 10, 2009, 12:47 PM

It is a lack of self esteem.

If you came for help then seek help or ask about your anger issues. Everyone is beautiful for their own reasons and for some reason that information is lost in your head.

You want to blame society, men, other beautiful women... but you have to look inside on the things you control FIRST.

jolienoire · Jul 10, 2009, 12:48 PM

Originally Posted by UglyChick009

.

Define Beauty.

Beauty is not just defined as a physical appearance

The definition of beauty= pleasing and impressing qualities of something. It is not limited to looks, and not everything that is physically attractive express beauty or defines beauty.

UglyChick009 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:49 PM

Rejection? I was rejected throughout high school! I made the first moves because guys WOULDN?T APPROACH ME! And It wasn't because I was "whining" about not being beautiful, I never talk about this unless it's online. I was just myself, trying to be nice, and what happened? I got called ugly, I was crushed and the guys went off with the beautiful airheads who dumped them in a week to go for the next guy. So rejection goes for both sides, I was rejected at least ten times in high school alone. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until I graduated and met an older guy (my boyfriend) that I got someone interested in me.

UglyChick009 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

It is a lack of self esteem.

If you came for help then seek help or ask about your anger issues. Everyone is beautiful for their own reasons and for some reason that information is lost in your head.

You want to blame society, men, other beautiful women... but you have to look inside on the things you control FIRST.

If I were as beautiful as Megan Fox then maybe I wouldn't feel so ugly.