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jesee · Oct 16, 2006, 07:22 AM

I meet a great guy shortly after he left his wife we started dating while he was going through a divorce that she drug out as long as she could I had nothing to do with them splitting he was living with a friend when I meet him she has been a real pain she took 2,000 dollars out of a line of credit and we have to pay this back now all of this was fine until we found out that we are having a baby not planned but still excited about it she won't stop calling him she tells people that it isn't his baby and that they are getting back together well he asked me to marry him and she freaked out and has threatened me I am 7 months pregnant and want the crazy woman out of my life before my son gets here what do I need to do

J_9 · Oct 16, 2006, 07:36 AM

You need to change your phone number to an unlisted number and get a restraining order to keep her away from you.

Do not answer the phone if it is her calling.

How did she take out a line of credit and you have to pay it back?

jesee · Oct 16, 2006, 07:45 AM

The line of credit was joint and he said he would pay it back because it was for him but he failed to freeze it after there divorce

J_9 · Oct 16, 2006, 07:47 AM

Okay, just thought maybe she stole his identity, which would be a whole nother thread in itself.

Sounds as though you need a restraining order STAT.

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2006, 08:16 AM

Yes - change your phone #. Report her to the police - that usually stops this stuff.

BUT, this guy seems to have a ton of baggae - MAKE SURE HE ISN'T playing you - seriously.

K_3 · Oct 16, 2006, 08:38 AM

Did they have any children together?

cbmb · Oct 16, 2006, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Yes - change your phone #. Report her to the police - that usually stops this stuff.

BUT, this guy seems to have a ton of baggae - MAKE SURE HE ISN'T playing you - seriously.

Thanks WCat for seeing past the woman's instability and proposing the idea that the guy might be doing some not so straight-up things. :)

talaniman · Oct 16, 2006, 10:07 AM

It is up to the man to deal with his business and you should not be involved. If he isn't handling his business and protecting his woman I would have to question his love for you and his ability as a man.

s_cianci · Oct 16, 2006, 05:03 PM

Go to court and get a restraining order on her. Do you have any witnesses to her threatening and harassing behavior that can testify on your behalf, preferably besides your fiancé? He's better than nothing but a totally disinterested 3rd party would be even better.

J_9 · Oct 16, 2006, 06:26 PM

Wait, hold up a minute guys. We never even found out if the guy is actually divorced yet.

Wildcat brings up a good point. Are they really, actually, honestly divorced, or are they separated?

My question is... Is the divorce final? Have you seen the papers?

jesee · Oct 18, 2006, 08:14 AM

Yes I have seen the papers and they are final I can't get a restraining order until she has physically come after me he has tried to cut tyes with her but we live in the same town they had no children I know that he isn't playing games he is just a worried about this but the courts won't do a thing until she has broken the law and she is very careful about how she threatens me I am not concerned with my safety but I am going to have a baby at the end of the year and I wanted advice on how to deal with her before then cause I don't want her near my child but until she breaks the law I can't get a no contact order any advise on this matter

talaniman · Oct 18, 2006, 09:04 AM

You have no other recourse it seems but to let your husband deal with this psycho. Until the law can intervene I hope you have changed your phone number and document any and all incidences. You may seek an attorney and try to get harassment charges filed, but you must have good documentation

Wildcat21 · Oct 18, 2006, 09:12 AM

It seems to me this guy is not handling his ex properly. No means No.

Change the phone #.

BUT please, for the love of god, make sure he is straight up with you. For some weird reason, from your responses - I smell a rat!!

His ex should have been long gone by now.

"he tells people that it isn't his baby and that they are getting back together" - hmmmmmmmmmm who planted that in her head?? Why would she say that.

WOnder what this guy is really doing - I am serious. When stuff like this happens get the real answers.

jesee · Oct 18, 2006, 09:19 AM

The reason she thinks that this isn't his baby is because she never could concive with him but she is also 41 and drinks heavily along with drugs I have got the real answers from him and he has tryied to get a no contact order as well he dose handle her if he is around but she doesn't do anything when he is around we have a stalble realationship but with the baby coming I was hoping that someone could give me ideas on how to ride mylife from a bitter woman who wants to try to ruin this great time in me and his happy time

talaniman · Oct 18, 2006, 09:55 AM

Be nice to just snap your fingers and all problems disappear. Not reality though.

Wildcat21 · Oct 18, 2006, 10:20 AM

I have another question - if she drinks and does drugs - does he? I hope to god he doesn't. Be truthful.

People on drugs and heavy drinks tend tell lonnnnng stories.

My only concern is he doesn't want his cake and eat too.

jesee · Oct 18, 2006, 10:41 AM

No he doesn't drink or do drugs that was one of the reasons that they split I have tried everything I have gone to the law and it doesn't scare her she thinks that it is funny that she can get awaay with this stuff he tries to avoid her but she shows up at his work or at our home and causes a big scene I am at wits end and don't know what to do

phillysteakandcheese · Oct 18, 2006, 10:55 AM

It's a little extreme, but I think you might be best served by simply moving out of town... maybe across the country. You and your husband would not only have physical distance to separate you from his ex, but you'd have the benefits of starting a new life in a new place with each other.

cbmb · Oct 18, 2006, 10:58 AM

If this is straight up and he's not a part of the problem then a restraining order should take care of it. On the other hand if she's trying to tell you something (i.e. if maybe he's still communicating w/ her on the side) then you should find that out somehow. HE SHOULD, HOWEVER, BE THE ONE TO RESOLVE THIS - NOT YOU.

It does seem to me though that you two rushed into things with the baby and all? Is that true? Not a good sign when a man has unresolved issues from his past and doesn't take time to resolve them or heal. I'm not sure that's the case but wanted to check. It may not be good for a strong, lasting relationship if this man uses "band-aids" to resolve his relationship problems.

Wildcat21 · Oct 18, 2006, 11:07 AM

Yes - The issues between him and his ex are not resolved.

He needs to end ALL communication with her to make oyur relationship work.