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wutangpaul · Jul 9, 2009, 11:38 PM

OK well we almost made 2 years... then it ended. We didn't really clarify a NC rule but it just kind of happened... and its been like 10 days... her last text read something like this

" im not bitter and jaded towards you i just dont know how to act. i just can't be with you and i dont want to be with you and its not just not there for me anymore i can't wait around for something i dont even think is right anymore..i care about you deeply and i love who yo are as a person and what youve done for yourslef and your life im really happy and proud of you ...i just can't pretend like everything is ok and wait around for the day i feel the way i used to about you...its not just your fault its about me and what i want and need. i do love you but ive felt this way for a long time i just havent been able to admit it to myself or you. i dont wanna hurt you but i feel like i have to be blunt because i dont want you to think that i dont wanna be with you for the all the wrong reasons..."

It was coming, I kind of knew it, but I just felt like we really had a shot.. basically I had to move home for some personal reasons I had to face some issues on my own. I am moving back to where she is in 2months and I really felt like we would make it through... anyhow obviously we didn't. And so after that text I didn't reply... so now its been 10 days since last contact and 2 days ago she texted me and said

" hey.. hows it going, just wanted to see how your lifes going? i ran into your buddy bill and he said your coming up here this weekend"... then like three hours later she texted again and said "or not..."... is she testing the waters or something?

So I think I know I should continue NO CONTACT because in that first long text before the NC I really got the hint like hey man its over... so I stuck to my guns I have done no contact and I probably already know the answer that I will get from you guys... I think I just need to hear it or maybe I just needed to get some things off my chest.

Thanks..

COCADA · Jul 9, 2009, 11:58 PM

She broke up with you over a text?

Darksubaru · Jul 10, 2009, 12:05 AM

It's either she doesn't really know what she wants or is keeping your around cause she knows you will be there.

Let it go awhile longer, see how she reacts... if she really, really cares and loves you, she will make it apparent. If she doesn't, she either stop completely, or try to keep stringing you along until she finds something better.

I feel for you, man... my g/f just broke up with me 3 days ago... and I am devastated

Anyway, keep it NC

ajGambino · Jul 10, 2009, 01:35 AM

She's texting you to let you know that she knows she hurt you and she wants to see if you're OK. Even though it's real easy to see the dumper as the bad person, most really have no intention of hurting who they're dumping.

Even so, I don't think you should answer. Stick to your guns man, she has laid it out for you that she does not want to be with you anymore and you don't owe her anything now, she has to cope with her decision just like you have to cope with her leaving you.

It's not mean, it's just necessary for the both of you to move on. Her trying to hang onto you like this will only hurt you in the long term, avoid contact and she will eventually disappear.

kctiger · Jul 10, 2009, 06:03 AM

If she CALLS you are comes and finds you and says: I want to give this another shot, I still love and care for you and made a rash decision...

Anything other than that don't respond. You are going NC to heal, not to hurt her. It is something that just has to be done for yourself.

slapshot_oi · Jul 10, 2009, 06:37 AM

Originally Posted by wutangpaul

... so i stuck to my guns i have done no contact and i probably already know the answer that I will get from you guys... I think i just need to hear it or maybe i just needed to get some things off my chest.

Right on broski. Keep it up.

Testing the waters she was... only to see if she still has power over you, don't mistake this for kindness and concern, it's just the opposite. Telling you that you love her and miss her or even simply responding to her strokes her ego, not pulls at her heart-strings. Really, who checks up days after a break-up to see "how life is going?", as if she's expecting drastic changes. It's just an awkward question to ask.

Don't contact her, don't answer your phone if she calls. If she had her mind made up to break it off for a while, then I find it very hard to believe anyone can convince otherwise.

jolienoire · Jul 10, 2009, 06:57 AM

Please Please stay in NC,
Listen to me from a woman's perspective, let her wonder about you, and don't contact her. Does she really care how you are doing after the breakup? Maybe, but not enough to get back with you.
She broke up with you via text, which speaks volumes to me.
People who truly love you will at least talk to you, even if it rips their heart from their body. She seems to be a coward when it comes to emotions and a person who gives up easily, She will do whatever makes her comfortable, and always consider what she wants first.

How your life going? After a few days? She admitted that she felt the way she did for some time, so pretty much your relationship was a lie.

I wish · Jul 10, 2009, 07:06 AM

Definitely continue no contact.

She basically decided on her own to break up with you before you got back into town, so you didn't even have a chance to work things out in person. So she probably feels really guilty and hopes that you're not angry with her. It was her decision alone, so she's got to face the consequences of her decision.

As for you, there's no reason to talk to her. It will only give you grief. So stick to no contact and continue with the recovery process. You're doing great!

Sounds like you have everything under control. I don't always recommend that people change their phone numbers. But, if you feel that her text messages are too much, then give your phone to a friend or family member that you trust and have them delete the message before you even read it. That way, you won't have to analyse and reflect on what she wrote.

Keep it up the progress!

wutangpaul · Jul 10, 2009, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by COCADA

she broke up with you over a text?

No maybe the lats words she said to me were over a text but we sat down a couple times right before this and talked about it all.

wutangpaul · Jul 10, 2009, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by jolienoire

Please Please stay in NC,
Listen to me from a woman's perspective, let her wonder about you, and don't contact her. Does she really care how you are doing after the breakup? Maybe, but not enough to get back with you.
She broke up with you via text, which speaks volumes to me.
People who truly love you will atleast talk to you, even if it rips their heart from their body. She seems to be a coward when it comes to emotions and a person who gives up easily, She will do whatever makes her comfortable, and always consider what she wants first.

How your life going? after a few days? She admitted that she felt the way she did for some time, so pretty much your relationship was a lie.

OK well before you call the relationship we had a " lie" maybe you should know a few things that happened, if you really want me to go into details about my life and what happened.

Basically, this all probably should have happened a long time ago...

wutangpaul · Jul 10, 2009, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by jolienoire

Please Please stay in NC,
Listen to me from a woman's perspective, let her wonder about you, and don't contact her. Does she really care how you are doing after the breakup? Maybe, but not enough to get back with you.
She broke up with you via text, which speaks volumes to me.
People who truly love you will atleast talk to you, even if it rips their heart from their body. She seems to be a coward when it comes to emotions and a person who gives up easily, She will do whatever makes her comfortable, and always consider what she wants first.

How your life going? after a few days? She admitted that she felt the way she did for some time, so pretty much your relationship was a lie.

Ps... my life is going pretty well, I'm keeping busy at work and then I golf whenever Im not working, its actually pretty awesome. I have met some new buddies to hang out with and I feel like I am really taking care of me...

jmw0713 · Jul 10, 2009, 08:31 AM

I think her message to you was really clear ab out how she felt things were going. Stay NC. Any contact she has with you wondering "how your life is going" is just her feeling guilty about hurting you and her trying to relieve that feeling.

At least she was honest and straight forward about everything and didn't use the lame "I think we need a break" line.

I respect you for not giving in to her guilty text and her for giving you the straight s--- on how she felt. Good job. Now get busy living your new single life!

jmooney527 · Jul 10, 2009, 08:31 AM

Yea the "or not..." text was what really gave her intentions away. She's trying to manipulate you and play games. I hate the "or not" text when you don't respond... so catty. She's trying to dig at you.

You seem like you got the NC thing down pretty well... for someone who just got out of a relationship 10 days ago it's pretty admirable that you stick to your guns like that. Keep doing what you are doing. KC is right... is she REALLY wants to get back with you, she will find you in some way. In the meantime move on and start enjoying single life again.

jolienoire · Jul 10, 2009, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by wutangpaul

ok well before you call the relationship we had a " lie" maybe you should know a few things that happened,....

I was saying that because of her message, saying she felt that way about you for some time not wanting to be in a relationship but didn't tell you or admit to it, so pretty much she was not being honest. She even admits to that.

wutangpaul · Jul 10, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by jolienoire

I was saying that because of her message, saying she felt that way about you for some time not wanting to be in a relationship but didn't tell you or admit to it, so pretty much she was not being honest. She even admits to that.

Gotcha... yeah I know what you mean.. alot of traumatic things happened.. I guess honesty is the best policy, its hard to hear that, it feels like everything get discounted and all thoe special moments really meant nothing.

wutangpaul · Jul 10, 2009, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

I think her message to you was really clear ab out how she felt things were going. Stay NC. Any contact she has with you wondering "how your life is going" is just her feeling guilty about hurting you and her trying to relieve that feeling.

At least she was honest and straight forward about everything and didn't use the lame "I think we need a break" line.

I respect you for not giving in to her guilty text and her for giving you the straight s--- on how she felt. Good job. Now get busy living your new single life!

Thanks, this is not easy though. Sometimes the temptation becomes unbearable, but I just divert my attention immediately before the emotions take over and I do something I will regret. I mean maybe she was over it a long time ago, but I'm not, so for my sake I need to not talk to her.

talaniman · Jul 10, 2009, 10:37 AM

Thanks, this is not easy though. Sometimes the temptation becomes unbearable, but i just divert my attention immediately before the emotions take over and I do something I will regret

You have it down pretty much, and I can only add, vent if you must, but stick to NC.

I mean maybe she was over it a long time ago, but I'm not, so for my sake I need to not talk to her.

That's dead on the money.