[Dallasboy]

Me and my ex have been broken up for months now, but we still do everything like a couple. We still go on lunch dates. We still sleep together. We still see each others families. We still tell each other I love you, but when I mention being together again she always sort of blows off the conversation, and say's it might work out. I did do some questionable things, but there has been no cheating, no verbal or physically abuse on either part. She does say she doesn't trust my word anymore, but why won't she commit. I feel like I'm filling her hurt while I'm waiting on a commitment. I'm afraid that I'm putting my all back into us and in the end she will move on and I'll be hurt. I don't want to give up but what can I do? I posted this a few weeks ago and got good advice to just continue things as they are. Has anyone been through this?

[I wish]

1) She obviously doesn't want a more serious relationship.

2) She obviously doesn't care that she's stringing you along, because you don't seem to have a problem with it.

3) She obviously has an amazing arrangement going on, because you do all the boyfriend stuff, while she doesn't have to tell anyone that she's taken, so she can shop around for another guy anytime because she's not tied down.

4) She can always use you as her fall-back, in case she can't find someone better. She knows that you are hanging around waiting for her. So she can say the word anytime that she wants to start things up with you again.

If you want to keep playing her games, that's fine. But I would suggest that you have more self-respect. She knows that you want to start things up again, so if she doesn't want the same thing, stop putting your life on hold for her.

You need to develop a backbone. Good luck!

[Torrid13]

She's a user.

Next time she calls you up, tell her you have better things to do than be the fool.

[jolienoire]

I am sure that you are mature enough to know who you are and what you want.
You want a real relationship, a commitment. What you have with her is not what you truly want.

She is trying to make excuses, let's do everything like a couple, but lets call it friendship.

She is getting all the benefits of a relationship, without all the relationship complications, depriving some other worthy woman of a good man, only to selfishly refuse commitment.



An occasional relationship doesn't seem to me what you are looking for.

So you either accept her terms, and continue to be her boy toy. Or as the other poster said get some backbone.

Classic case of giver and taker.

You are a giver doing whatever you can to make her happy and avoid anything that makes her unhappy, even if it makes you unhappy


Yet all she is doing is taking, from you taking your kindness, taking sex, taking everything you offer but telling you she doesn't want a relationship.

You really need to think about your feelings and what you want first.

[makapuu]

You might think that you are still a couple, but what does she think? You might just be one of the guys she is coupling with.

I don't think she is doing anything wrong. You know exactly where you stand.

[slapshot_oi]

I'm afraid that I'm putting my all back into us and in the end she will move on and I'll be hurt. I don't want to give up but what can I do?

Your fear is really your gut telling you to get the hell out, because her moving on and you being hurt is exactly what will happen.

I did this for seven months, it really wasn't fun, and because of all that we'll never be friends. I had that fear too, but I didn't listen when I should've. Now, I always do.

Put the lid on this one and stop contacting her, that's what you do. Start healing now, don't wait until she moves on, it'll only prolong your suffering.