[j_ely823]

My boyfriend of almost a yr now had an addiction to porn which developed in his early adolescent years, and he would watch it whenever he would masturbate I guess. When we started having sex he would ask me to do things or say things that I think reflected his engagement in viewing such things and it would bother me a little as I would think if I didn't do what he wanted in a "porn star sort of fashion I would not fully satisfy him. Anyway about four months ago I asked him if he could please stop watching it because it made me feel as if I had to compete with whatever he was watching, I don't like the idea of him finding indirect sexual pleasure through viewing another man and woman having sex. One it literally disgusts me and actually turns me off and two its discouraging. He said about three weeks ago he only did once or twice after me asking him to stop and he hasn't thereafter... I believe him, but I mean why did he just not stop when he said he would, knowing it could affect our sex life and what not or upset me..

[stevetcg]

The same reason an alcoholic doesn't just stop when asked to or a drug user doesn't just stop... because its not that simple when its an actual addiction.

[excon]

i believe him, but i mean why did he just not stop when he said he would, knowing it could affect our sex life and what not or upset me....?

Hello j:

We get a lot of girls here who think they compete with porn. Maybe you do. Maybe you're too nicey nice in the bedroom. Maybe you need to get a little slutty.

I don't know. I'm only guessing. I only know that you don't particularly like DOING or TALKING like a sexy wench as he requested. It's OK. You can be slutty with him. In fact, you SHOULD be slutty with him. Who knows? Maybe you'll get off too.

excon

[j_ely823]

Well can you like give me a hint, because I don't watch porn--what do the girls say, and how do they act... I honestly have no idea what to do.. I mean I've had a few times when I'll act more like a fiend and its kind of me just moaning like a little girl...

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Please do not be misleading, you stated in your other post that you DO watch porn.

If he has an addiction he needs help. Look up the local porn addiction groups, and perhaps alanon for you.

[stevetcg]

Well can you like give me a hint, because i dont watch porn--what do the girls say, and how do they act...i honestly have no idea what to do..I mean ive had a few times when i'll act more like a fiend and its kind of me just moaning like a little girl...

You might not watch porn, but it might not hurt to take a look to see what it is that is interesting him.

A lot of the time though, its about not having to worry about if you are enjoying it or your feelings... its just all about him.

[88sunflower]

Porn addiction is like any addiction. My husband had the addiction for 7 years and I can tell you it put a serious strain on our marriage. One of my friends just recently divorced due to her husbands porn addiction.
I understand how it makes you feel. You have to ask him to stop if it bothers you and he needs to respect that. Don't ever feel like you have to act like those girls. A lot of that is taped, sliced together and not even real. If you don't believe me go rent a porno blooper movie, they are out there. You only do and act how your comfortable. Do not compete with these girls because they are not reality. They are paid actors.

[Justwantfair]

Well can you like give me a hint, because i dont watch porn--what do the girls say, and how do they act...i honestly have no idea what to do..I mean ive had a few times when i'll act more like a fiend and its kind of me just moaning like a little girl...

In your other threads you admit to watching porn.

[j_ely823]

Ok what i meant was i had seen a clip its- of some that he was trying to show me or get me turned on to the porn he watched was hardcore stuff" he watches couples having sex together, this disgusts me. I dont "watch it" in any interest.

[Justwantfair]

Couples having sex together disgusts you? If you believe that you are gay and want to be with a women, you don't need our approval. It's like you are trying to convenience us you are gay.

[j_ely823]

Why do I sense a hostile undertone? Anyway watching a couple having sex disgusts me but that has no impact whatsoever on whether I am sexually satisfied with men. I said that already. I am 100% attracted to men and my boyfriend does an amazing job of pleasuring me I am satisfied completely that's why I find this obsure attraction thing so out of place

[88sunflower]

But is it so out of place when all the women who have answered said it was fine, we feel attractions also to women?

[excon]

my boyfriend does an amazing job of pleasuring me i am satisfied completely thats why i find this obsure attraction thing so out of place

Hello again, j:

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

excon

[j_ely823]

that i can understand and deal with however, she was refering to the imputation of me being gay because i do not necessarily want to watch couples have sex because it disgusts me.

[Justwantfair]

I am not hostile, I just want to get to the root of your various relationship threads. Just because a man watches porn, doesn't mean that he is an addict. You asked him to stop, you believe that he has stopped, that makes him a far cry from an addict. I watch porn all the time and I am a female.

You are insecure because you feel that you have to 'compete' with porn, which isn't the case. Men like to be visually and audiotorially stimulated (which apparently he enjoys) and that has little to do with porn, that has to do with being male.

[stevetcg]

and my boyfriend does an amazing job of pleasuring me i am satisfied completely

Then why do you care if he watches porn?

Where do you think he learned most of the stuff he knows? You should buy him a subscription or something.

[j_ely823]

Ok so i know he's pleasuring me, but it doesnt do much for mental emotion reassurance like whether or not IM pleasuring him completely i feel like if were to watch guys all the time having sex wih some girls, in the back of my mind while im having sex i would think about "oh like that one video i watched" and not focus completely on whats goin on right then and there. I mean wouldnt all that viewing of multiple naked female bodies desensitize him to his arousal/ or satisfaction with me?

[Justwantfair]

If you are comfortable being insecure about porn, go ahead, we can't rationalize with you about this matter.

If it bothers you then get out of the relationship, but do realize that a great percentage of men (and women, for that matter) enjoy porn. So this insecurity is not going to be rectified with a new relationship and all you are going to do is cause men to lie to you about watching porn.

[stevetcg]

Ok so i know he's pleasuring me, but it doesnt do much for mental emotion reassurance like whether or not IM pleasuring him completely i feel like if were to watch guys all the time having sex wih some girls, in the back of my mind while im having sex i would think about "oh like that one video i watched" and not focus completely on whats goin on right then and there. I mean wouldnt all that viewing of multiple naked female bodies desensitize him to his arousal/ or satisfaction with me?

Im going to let you in on a dirty little secret then...

He probably isn't thinking about you.

But if it makes you feel any better, he probably isn't thinking about porn either. He is thinking about porn when he is watching porn... because he doesn't have to get porn off or make porn feel special or, and I say this with great emphasis, perform to any expected levels.

Not the case with you. As likely as not, he is thinking of something completely unrelated to sex... because porn doesn't judge him on a 2 minute performance.

You do.

[j_ely823]

So then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife?
He's not judging me when were having sex?