[Starry nights]

I was watching this rom com the other day with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslett in it(always bad with the names,so excuse me!),where Cameron plays this typical,strong,emancipated,independent NY career woman who's got her thing going and is sassy,successful,smart,not to mention completely and maddeningly sexy! She swaps places with kate Winslett with a totally different lifestlye,and ends up having a vacation,all by herself in the English countryside.So she meets this devastatingly handsome English writer,Jude Law and they strike a connection.Theres this very poignant exchange of dialogues between them that struck a chord somewhere,which led me to float this question,mostly to the men out here.In the movie,Cameron's character says she's always had it difficult to have a proper,loving relationship since men were always intimidated by her air of success,confidence and independence.After all,she's this successful career woman who doesn't mince her words and leads life on her own terms.The question is,Cameron may have landed Jude in the movie(sigh!),but in reality,how willing are guys to have relationships and fall in love with strong-minded,independent,confident women?How far are men really comfortable in supporting and loving women who don't necessarily fall into the "damsel in distress" category?
Honest answers and opinions expected :)

[Torrid13]

This is a very good question! I'm not a man, so I will wait for others to answer, but very interesting, indeed!

I'm currently working on becoming more independent, not from family, but when I'm romantic relationships. I tend to be clingy. Part of it is because of a medical condition, but now that I'm on medicine, I'm going to therapy to try to correct this and other things to develop better habits for healthy relationships!

But I do know that I've scared men for being so successful. BAH! Forget that!

Great question!

[friend4u178]

I much prefer a confident independent woman than an insecure clingy one.

[nikosmom]

I understand that was a movie and made for good entertainment. But in reality- who says it has to be one extreme or the other?

I'll use myself as an example (guess I'm putting myself out here but whatev... )

I'm independent and all that jazz. I'm not going to bother listing my credentials but I know I got it going on. I'm confident in who I am and I know I have a lot to offer. I'm bringing something to the table. I work in sales so I have to be a go-getter. From 9-5 I convince my clients that they need me. I go home and I mow my lawn, get my hands dirty tinkering with my car. I do odd jobs around the house. I run the show. I'm capable.

But at the same time, I'm vulnerable. I'm sensitive and I love the comfort of a man. I love the give and take of a relationship. I'm not afraid to step back and let a man be a man for me. Sure, I open my own doors when I'm alone. But when I'm on a date, I expect him to treat me like a lady and get it for me. I expect him to make me feel safe when we're together. I expect him... well to be a man.

So do I need a man? I suppose not.

But yet, I need one. Need a man to step in and be the yin to my yang. At the end of the day, I can't have dinner with my work. My work doesn't hold me when I'm scared because although tough on the outside, I do get scared. I even cry sometimes. My work doesn't doesn't appreciate my femininity.

I think it's all about balance. Women are dynamic beings. We are strong when we have to be. But docile and gentle when we can be.

[friend4u178]

Had to spread the Rep NM but that was very good ;)

[ISneezeFunny]

I've dated girls that have been the "alpha" type and I've also dated girls who have been the "beta" type... and the "beta" type has lasted longer in relationships, but it had nothing to do with their credentials. Currently, I'm after a girl who I have put in my phone as "Hot and Independent Girl"... yeah. She has her own career, beautiful, and quite... single, mainly because as you say, many guys find her intimidating and unapproachable. To be honest, I... am head over heels for her... mainly BECAUSE she's so independent. I'm tired of needy girls.

[makapuu]

As a formerly strong-willed independent woman, I have usually attracted the spineless male. It was quite tiring to always be the one wearing the pants in the relationship. I can only imagine what the guy is feeling when he always rescues the "damsels in distress."

[chetatkinsLA]

Every time I have dated an independent, smart girl, it ended up in "tragedy". I love those kind of girls... but they all ended up dumping me :) For different reasons, but usually that kind of girl doesn´t commit easily, at least the ones I´ve known are usually looking for perfection, and in my opinion, perfection doesn´t exist. In all the cases, the relationship was amazing, until they realised the normal post-honeymoon phase is not as cool as the previous one.

Again, this is my experience, but as much as I LOVE that kind of girl... I would try and avoid them from now on :) I hope I´m wrong and I find a really cool committing independent girl :)

[chetatkinsLA]

As a formerly strong-willed independent woman, I have usually attracted the spineless male. It was quite tiring to always be the one wearing the pants in the relationship. I can only imagine what the guy is feeling when he always rescues the "damsels in distress."

I am usually the guy "wearing the pants" and the fact that you strong-willed independent women are also wearing them all the time, is the reason why it has always collapsed for me. 2 equal strong and demanding persons make fights a very constant thing in their relationship :D

I think actually that a demanding, leading person works better with the opposite... a person that doens´t care too much about stuff, and lives a more relaxed life. I see it in couples, and the couples that are like this, work. Every time I see two strong minded characters tpgether... fire starts and not in a good way :)

[carlson92]

Confident and independent woman in my opinion does not like to be taken care of that much as my ex is that kind of person. In my point of view, I am more attracted to a confident and independent and also strong minded woman compare to the opposite one. But again that's my point of view. :) There's no right and wrong in love, love is wide and deep.

[ZoeMarie]

Now I look at myself as a confident and independent woman. I work a regular full-time job, come home, make dinner, clean, do laundry, yard work, whatever needs to be done. I don't tend to rely on my husband to do anything because I don't like to wait around for things to get done, I just do it myself. I change my own oil, wash my car, etc.

That being said, when my husband helps around the house, mows the lawn, does the dishes, laundry, etc. etc. I really appreciate it. And I LOVE when my husband takes care of me and is sweet to me. For example, I've been working a different shift the last month and a half and he's usually not ready for bed when I need to be sleeping so he comes and tucks me in when he gets home from work.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because a girl is independent doesn't mean she doesn't like to be treated like a woman.

[N0help4u]

I think that more people would be into the independent confident type but sometimes the independent type get so into their lifestyle they aren't thinking about the average Joe
So I think that even IF an average Joe wanted to be with an independent woman he often feels that she is too unattainable.

I know I feel this way about guys that are well off... I know they aren't looking my way.
Same with the rich and the poor. The rich guys aren't out thinking I need to find me a poor woman. The poor woman know the rich guys go after the upper class women. Rarely do you find a Cinderella story

Some people just don't know what they pass up sometimes.

[kctiger]

Personally, I hate to be smothered. I like a compliment to my life, not someone who depends on me for entertainment. So, in actuality, I want to share things we both have interests in while being able to also spend time apart. There is no more romantic feeling that being at a huge party, separated from your significant other, yet still knowing the other person is constantly thinking about you, and vice versa.

Yes, I am a sap!

[winding200]

Excellent question for today's career women.
I have to say I am one of the successful career women in NY area, and am very confident at work. However, I am very private, feminine, and sweet in personal life. I simply like to be a sexy woman and never want to be a man. (How can I give up all the pretty things and fun things we have as girls!! )
When I am in relationship, I like my man leading me, and I am taking the role, his loved sexy girlfriend (honey, what am I wearing today? Type girl). I use all my brain at work, and I do not play head game or power game in relationship.
I am simply amazed by the manly man, man's world. I believe men are more attractive when they are manly, and women are more attractive when they are feminine. When I met my boyfriend (now my husband), I was amazed by his outdoorsy activities, (fishing, flying, boating, hunting etc) which I will never do it by myself. He was very different than other NY men, who are overly sophisticated, cultured (?) and even sassy. From the day one to now, he makes most of planes about what we are doing, what we are eating, etc. I need someone care about me, take care of me. I will never want to be a boss or mother in relationship. We interact in all different levels, debating, learning things, but I always ask his opinion. I know his world is broader than mine ( I grew up under overly protective parents, and we are catholic), and definitely know he will make a better decision for us.

Go back to the question, none of my ex boyfriend or my husband have been threatened or concerned about my career, success or fat paycheck. I am exhausted when I came back from work, and their attitude is trying to protect me. I do not see any issue here.

[talaniman]

Hey, I thought this was for the guys to comment, but I guess and independent strong female doesn't care about that.

That's what I love most about them, they can stand on their own, but can still need a shoulder to lean on.

I love females that can wear the pants, as long as they don't try to put a dress on me. That never works. I'd rather be naked.

[winding200]

I love females that can wear the pants, as long as they don't try to put a dress on me. That never works. I'd rather be naked.

It is so funny!

[jmw0713]

Being strong and independent is generally a good thing, unless you are so wrapped up in your independent life that you don't share any intimacy or never take time out of your busy life to bond with your partner.

In that case, I wouldn't want someone who is SO successful, independent, busy, or whatever, that they don't have time or make time for me to fit in to their life some how.

If that is the case... why should be around if I'm not needed for anything? It like having a job and having nothing to while you're there. Sure it's great sometimes, but after a while it gets boring, frustrating, and it sucks!

[inertia]

Hmmm. Tal is right about all the women commenting. That's kind of the rub isn't it? I've dated several types of women. They all offer something unique. Even the "clingy" ones. Since this is a topic about independent women though, I'll offer up my two cents.

Independent is kind of a loaded adjective. No human being is completely independent (unless they mail bombs to people, but they still need someone to open the damn thing). I guess I measure independence by evaluating how truthful the woman is with herself. If I'm dealing with some emotional wall preventing her from bonding, I run. If she never wants my help, I run. If she has some kind of rebel without a clue complex, I run (If I say "you shouldn't tease animals" and she says "don't tell me what to do", that's a sign of someone who will never listen (which should go both ways). If she is some kind of liberated feminist, I run. I don't need to be told that rockets are phallic and therefore men are war mongering pigs, or that marriage is an institution designed by men to benefit men and enslave women. I have dated all of the above and no thanks.

What I do like is a woman who knows how to assert herself without trying to emasculate or psychoanalyze me, a woman who speaks her mind to me about me, not in front of our friends about me, who communicates what she wants instead of acting upset when I didn't read her mind, who isn't manipulated with guilt by her parents, friends or exes. I like women who act above reproach. I don't care one way or another about financial independence, as long as you love what you are doing. I also like women that know sometimes men need their egos stroked, not deflated by the woman they love (for God's sake, don't henpeck, I could do it too and I have a really good eye for detail).

[carlson92]

Hey, I thought this was for the guys to comment, but I guess and independent strong female doesn't care about that.

That's what I love most about them, they can stand on their own, but can still need a shoulder to lean on.

I love females that can wear the pants, as long as they don't try to put a dress on me. That never works. I'd rather be naked.

Couldn't agree more with you right there Tal! :D haha.

[Starry nights]

I was watching this rom com the other day with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslett in it(always bad with the names,so excuse me!),where Cameron plays this typical,strong,emancipated,independent NY career woman who's got her thing going and is sassy,successful,smart,not to mention completely and maddeningly sexy!!She swaps places with kate Winslett with a totally different lifestlye,and ends up having a vacation,all by herself in the English countryside.So she meets this devastatingly handsome English writer,Jude Law and they strike a connection.Theres this very poignant exchange of dialogues between them that struck a chord somewhere,which led me to float this question,mostly to the men out here.In the movie,Cameron's character says she's always had it difficult to have a proper,loving relationship since men were always intimidated by her air of success,confidence and independence.After all,she's this successful career woman who doesnt mince her words and leads life on her own terms.The question is,Cameron may have landed Jude in the movie(sigh!),but in reality,how willing are guys to have relationships and fall in love with strong-minded,independent,confident women?How far are men really comfortable in supporting and loving women who dont necessarily fall into the "damsel in distress" category?
Honest answers and opinions expected :)

Very thought-provoking and insightful opinions... esp NM,you were brilliant though would like to take cue from you and continue.You have taken yourself as example and proved(as have quite a few of the others),that it doesn't necessarily have to be a choice between one or the other,viz the strong,independent woman OR the vulnerable,sensitive one.

My thoughts are more on the line of what you say about being both together(you put it so well when you say women are dynamic beings).For instance,there's this super sales woman who's a total go-getter from 9-5,who can take care of herself and projects a certain kind of image on the professional front.Almost a certain "I dont need no man to tell me whatta do"kind of image.That puts that woman in a certain slot with her male colleagues.

However,when that same woman changes gear and gives into being just another woman(she can't really be super cool,sexy,professional every single day,right),who has her hang-ups and mood-swings,bad and clingy days--Would her partner hold it against her for having all these "WOMANLY" feelings?Would she feel guilty in showing that sometimes she too can just need,demand,lose it and feel unhinged?And if she does,would that prove damaging to her relationship?