[ineedsomeadvice]

Hi everyone

I started a new job about a month ago and whenever I meet new people they always comment on how sweet and soft spoken I am. One of the supervisors at work is a very loud, y women, who I would consider to be a bully too. She constantly comments on my personality with positive words, but in a negative way. e.g.. "You are too nice, so and so will not listen to you"

I do not have a problem with saying no to anyone and I am not an insecure person.
I do not know if I should say something to this women or just let it slide, kind of like pick your fights. But I can tell from what she says and her body language that she sees me as a weak person because I am nice. I do however find it hard to rock the boat at work, especially because I just started this new job and I do not want the tense atmosphere. She is the type of person who will go around and twist the story to make me look like the bad person, I have seen her do this to other staff who had disagreements with her. This women is very buddy buddy with the other supervisors and our boss and I do not feel comfortable talking to them about her. I have heard that a lot of people have quit or transferred to other departments because of this women. I have to work for the company at least 6 months before I can transfer to other departments.

Please Help, I need some advice.

[Jake2008]

On the plus side, you have identified the workplace bully right off the bat. She can make your life a living hell, as she's obviously done to others.

We had a post not long ago on workplace bullies, but I can't find it.

I would think that her chummy relationships with managers and the boss only means that they are tolerant and don't know what to do about her either. You are lucky in a way that after six months you can transfer out. Many don't have that option, and end up sick, or quit having to put up with a bully.

Here is some general information on bullies, however, if you Google 'workplace bullies' you will find a lot of good information on how to handle them.

Workplace Bullying

[N0help4u]

She sees you as nice and easy going and she tells you. So when you over hear her telling someone something not true about you you speak up and say NO you have that wrong I never... THIS IS what I...

By her telling you to your face that you are nice and soft spoken she is not only reinforcing how she sees you she is also using it like a manipulative thing like power of suggestion. So then you think like 'this bully supervisor thinks I am nice and soft spoken so people will not take me serious' so then that is the part you end up playing.

Shock her and stick up for yourself one day.

I agree going and complaining about her is not the solution cause then you would most likely have more people working against you.

[ineedsomeadvice]

Thank you for your answers. It was very helpful. And thank you Jake2008 for the link to the article about workplace bullying.

[ineedsomeadvice]

You guys are not going believe what happened at work today. She was being really nasty with me again this morning and in return I was firm with her. Later she pulled me to the side and talked to me about what had happened this morning and I am proud to say that we had a mature discussion where I was firm, not rude, with her and told her how I felt and that I will not accept such disrespectful behaviour.

She apologised and I accepted gladly.

I was sooo proud of myself for putting my foot down and I really hope that this will not be a one time thing. I did feel very uncomfortable around her the whole day and felt her watching me and telling her buddies about me, probably twistng everything around, but what can she really say?? That I am nasty or have an attitude problem for standing up for myself??

I know that she is probably going to be worse to deal with after this and this is probably why I feel that I am not assertive enough, because I do not want a confrontation and deal with negativity after the confrontation, but que cera cera.

[N0help4u]

Great job now she knows she misjudged you. Continue to stand up for yourself and try not to let her pull you aside too much. Tell her you want to take care of any indifferences right then and there (in front of everybody) because you have nothing to hide.
That way the others will be more likely to pick up on if she is trying to twist things.

[Jake2008]

Three Cheers for Ineedsomeadvice!! You GO girl!

You must have felt so good about that. You stopped the bully in her tracks.

Be careful that she doesn't go looking for revenge, or otherwise make your life miserable.

As nohelp wisely said, don't let her pull you aside. Deal with it as it happens, in front of everyone. You may just start a trend and her behaviour will be curtailed for ALL.

Good for you!!

[ineedsomeadvice]

Thank you so much for all your help and support, it really makes me feel so much better.

[jenniepepsi]

Hi hon. First you need to know, that being non assertive is NOT a bad thing! Its who you are. And its not a bad trait.

However, yes, there are times when you need to learn how to stand up for yourself. And this is a good opportunity for you to learn how.

I can't give much more than what has already said other than you have support here, and keep your chin up. You don't deserve to be treated this way, and you need to use this chance to build on yourself. Talk to this superviser. Explain to her how she makes you feel when she makes these comments. If she will not listen, go to HER superviser and let them know how she is making you feel.

Good luck hon *hugs*

[ineedsomeadvice]

Thank you Jennie and thank you for saying that it is not a bad thing, because I was made to believe that it was.
Thank you for your advice and encouraging words.

[N0help4u]

Its only bad in the sense that some people tend to walk on you like a doormat.