[uk619]

OK so me and my fiancé have been together for 4 and a half years, and recently she has been hanging out with an old friend of mine sarah and her sister April. Well the guy (kevin) around the block from my fiancé is dating April but they broke up two days ago. So I get a bad feeling about everything so I checked our cell phone bill (which I pay for) and see a number I don't know so I call text it and at first they tell me they are a woman named cheryl and then he finally tells me he's kevin. So I looked at the phone bill and my fiancé and kevin had been texting (not calling) each other for about 2 weeks before him and April broke up. So I asked sarah if she knew about my fiancé and kevin texting and she said no. so I then though to myself why does no one know about there friendship. So I call my fiancé at her dads and asked her about it and she said they had been talking about kevins and April relationship and some times mine and hers. So she tells me she doesn't want to talk about it in front of her dad so she calls me when she leaves and yells at me and tells me I had no right checking the phone bill (that I pay $200 a month for) and confronting kevin about it. She told me they were friends that would never hang out and she is just trying to play matchmaker. So I'm furious cause she hid their friendship from me. So I asked her if she had been cheating and then she gets more offended. I trust her 100%(well used too) and I don't know why she hid their friendship so I asked and she said she didn't want to tell me they were friends cause I didn't like him. And that she didn't have to tell me every time she talked to some one. Well my phelisophy is that I should know her friends right?? I don't know what to do I love her and trust her but if she hid (no lying involved) there friendship then what else was she hiding.
So then sarah calls her and asks about it and then calls me back mad again saying how I had no right talking to her about it even though sarah was my friend first. But it gets better I kept asking why they were texting before kevin and April broke up and she would get quiet and last night she got trashed with her two girl friends and texted him like 50 times back and forth. And then she said it was about April and she said "when he texts me what am i supposed to do not text him"

I'm so lost do I salavge our relationship or end it with no cheating or lying just hiding
That should do it please give me feed back and if you need something explained further let me know

[Jake2008]

I would be suspicious too.

If your fiancé was communicating with him about his relationship, AND her own relationship with you, she is up to something.

How can you trust someone who's friend also keeps this friendship with his girlfriend a secret as well.

The two of them had a thing going, and probably still do.

She should have been talking to you about hers and your relationship, and she should have been upfront about the texting if there was nothing to hide.

If you have marriage plans on the horizon, I'd put them on hold until you are certain she has put this 'friend' behind her, and comes clean about the nature of their friendship.

[uk619]

We are always with each other unless our work schedules conflict and every one says we are a perfect couple. We are high school sweethearts. But marriage is deffiantly not until march 22 2011 I just don't know why she would hide it
Should I work trough (this is what I want to do) or call it quits

[Jake2008]

By all means work through it if she is willing.

The first thing she has to acknowledge is that your suspicions are not unfounded. She was not upfront with you, and you feel betrayed, and you are confused as to why she would keep something so seemingly innocent, a secret.

If she can admit that she can at least somewhat understand why you feel the way you do, without getting offensive and angry, then take the next step, and get couples counselling.

My gut tells me there is more to this than she is letting on. What concerns me most is that she also discussed with the male friend, your relationship with her. She should be doing that with you, and that is the second thing she has to realize is quite understandable of your concerns.

She needs to put you first. Your needs, your concerns, your peace of mind. You also have to accept that her needs may now be different, thus her seeking counsel from another man, which is what it is. She needs to explain why she needs to do that with him, and not you.

If things are beginning to fall apart in the communcation and trust department, and secrets are being kept from one another, and you can nip this in the bud, then I say go for it.

But don't undervalue your instinct here. You have every reason to be concerned.

[I wish]

i just dont know why she would hide it

Simple, she doesn't trust you as much as you thought she did. Saying that you hate this guy is just a lame excuse.

should i work trough (this is what i want to do) or call it quits

The fact that you ask yourself this question means that you don't really love her as much as you might think. Furthermore, the trust is severely shaken by two events.

1) Her hiding things from you
2) You snooping around her business

This is going to take a lot of work to repair. Both of you have a reason to be angry with the other. Both of you need to regain each other's trust back.

You're just going to have to sit her down and point out these two events and realize that BOTH of you need to put some effort to repair the relationship. If one of you isn't up to the commitement, then it's time to end it.