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mum2five · Jul 9, 2009, 01:54 PM

I have started a new thread in regards to " having a large family" as feel the discussion is of interest to others and under the adoption thread it does not fit.

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2009, 02:51 PM

I don't think anyone meant any insult to you - but in these times, particularly in this economy, I don't find "why so many children?" to be an unusual or insulting question. Only you know your financial and emotional abilities to support, educate and nurture your children.

Posing the question now is probably not helpful as laws change almost annually and what is the case now may not be the case then.

I am from a family of three - I got through College by working and having a partial scholarship. I don't know how families with multiple children, particularly in these financial times, as I said, afford it.

A lot of people would have come back screaming. You did not. You don't seem to fly off the handle and that probably is good in your situation.

Please come back and join in other discussions.

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 02:59 PM

I don't know why they are giving you a bunch of reasons you are unsuitable. I also don't understand the reasoning of the world is over crowded after all you are talking adopting kids that are already born and need a home.
I remember seeing lots of things movies, TV shows and real life stories about families adopting special needs kids and they were praised for the work they were doing with kids that otherwise were unwanted... AND the couple had children of their own.

I think the only somewhat legitimate excuse they gave you was that you are single and would have your hands full. I am not sure that they will adopt kids to single parents.

I would ask again when you circumstances change.

mum2five · Jul 9, 2009, 03:06 PM

I am not single but have only been with my partner for 2 years. That would go against me.

I do not want to adopt as yet it was just I was interested so enquired for furture years.

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2009, 03:18 PM

I hope this is not offensive and I honestly don't want to offend you but I don't understand why unmarried people have children together. Can you explain that to me? And, honestly - no offense meant.

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 03:22 PM

Marriage does make a big difference to the courts in their viewing you as a stable family.

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2009, 04:22 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Marriage does make a big difference to the courts in their viewing you as a stable family.

I'm dating a guy with a really great daughter, 2 kids, doesn't believe in marriage - I don't understand it.

She has "unknown" as the father on both Birth Certificates which apparently is fine with her boyfriend because, as he puts it, he's not going anywhere.

?

mum2five · Jul 9, 2009, 10:05 PM

I was married to my 3 eldest children's father , he was a monster , the abuse got a whole lot worse once we were married as it gave him the knowledge that me leaving proved greater difficult.

Why did I marry him - as we had our first child and though I did not want to be an unmarried mother and others thought it only right.

We went on to have 2 further children in marriage - no different to having 1 child out of marriage except 8 missing teeth later and a whole host of injuries made me leave him.
As we were married he had full rights to decide to take / kidnap my kids if he choose to which he did. To them it was a fun day out to me it was a nightmare after he phoned me and threatened that unless I took him back I would never see my kids again.

Because we were married I had to live with the man 3 months while the court date was given to have him removed from the family home. When it comes to marriage and children being married proved a very bad decision for me.

I met my new partner 2 years ago and we had our 2 youngest together - no we are not married but we share a wonderful an honest, loyal, truthful ,trustful happy stable relationship , the complete opposite to my ex relationship.
Will I marry him? Honestly ? Yes and why because I love this man with all my heart and intend to share the rest of my life with him and because we have children.
I think those that marry for the wrong reasons just as they have children and feel it the right thing to do is getting married for all the wrong reasons.

Perhaps if we thought about marriage before doing it the divorce rate would not be so high.

Does a marriage make a happy child? No - A happy stable relationship does with or without a ring and a bit of paper .

My views on marriage and children x:)

stevetcg · Jul 10, 2009, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I hope this is not offensive and I honestly don't want to offend you but I don't understand why unmarried people have children together. Can you explain that to me? And, honestly - no offense meant.

Because marriage does not make a family.

JudyKayTee · Jul 10, 2009, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

Because marriage does not make a family.

True but I wonder about the kids who grow up without a father or worse, father unknown. I just think the kids are at a disadvantage.

stevetcg · Jul 10, 2009, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

True but I wonder about the kids who grow up without a father or worse, father unknown. I just think the kids are at a disadvantage.

Sure, but that's different than the parents being unmarried. I assure you my kids don't know we aren't married and couldn't possibly care less. Heck, most people don't know were not married. Most people don't know that I am not my son's biological father.

Why are we getting married? So I can adopt my son. If it weren't for that, we probably wouldn't bother. Its not going to change anything in OUR lives.